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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MuckyPlucky · 04/01/2022 07:58

@ToastOnCheese - I agree. You’ve absolutely nailed all this. You’ve had so much dignity throughout, without going overboard and being one of those ascerbic, impatient people you sometimes see around. You’ve been level-headed, fair, generous of spirit but quietly boundaried.

A silver lining to have come out of this for you is that several hundred (or more?!) women around the country think you’re ace Grin x

beastlyslumber · 04/01/2022 10:05

What an absolute wanker he is. Despicable piece of shit.

You will meet someone lovely OP, you definitely will. Just spend some time thinking about what you want and what you definitely don't want, so you can make sure you're not messed around again. Be upfront from the start - e.g. let dates know that you want marriage and kids at some point in the future (if that's what you want) because if a man doesn't want those things, why waste both your time. And don't bother with anyone who doesn't make an effort to let you know they're interested. And I know this is going to sound very old fashioned, but NOT having sex with someone for a long time, until you really know them well, is a great idea. That way you get rid of all the idiots who only want sex. Someone who dates you for a long time, getting to know you, falling in love with you, knowing that you're looking for something serious, and having sex when you have 100% trust with that person that you're both on the same page - that's worth finding.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 04/01/2022 10:35

@MuckyPlucky
Thank you! This thread has absolutely helped me to get the confidence to end things with him! X

@beastlyslumber
Thank you. I usually have no problem letting people know what I want, I just really struggled with him, which shows that I knew all along what his response would be! But yes, I'll definitely be upfront and boundaried, as you say, it saves all a lot of time.

I'll update when I meet someone lovely, hopefully in the not too distant future Grin

OP posts:
Snoozeee · 04/01/2022 11:40

@ToastOnCheese

Well, the thread comes to a conclusion.

I messaged earlier to say I don't know what's going on but I'm going to give this a miss because we are clearly on different pages.

Hes just responded now to say he's unwell and that's why he hasn't responded, however he's been thinking and he agrees with me...

So that's that!

Good riddance I say.

What makes me laugh is that he couldn't text you earlier to tell you he was unwell? It takes 2 seconds! Someone else's problem now!

Get swiping girl, I have no doubt that you will meet someone who understand what communication is!

This man will become a distant memory very soon! Wine

Myshitisreal · 04/01/2022 17:25

I've been following all along.

He's a right bloody charmer isn't he 👀

Best off rid. His response suggests he's just not worth a shit.

Big lessons to be learnt from this one, mainly that you're worth much more ♥

Gettingonwithit12 · 04/01/2022 17:43

I’ve also been following and am glad you have got rid of him OP, you can start afresh this year! I’ve also found a lot of the advice on this thread very useful for navigating similar situations with stupid flakey men myself Grin I hope you meet someone lovely soon OP, I am sure you will

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 04/01/2022 21:01

Thank you all, im so glad other people have found the thread helpful, it was definitely worth it in that case.

Potentially moving a bit fast but I have a date with a lovely sounding man on Saturday. We matched today, have chatted a bit, spoke on the phone and he asked me on a date. I've left him to plan what we are doing Grin

OP posts:
OnTheSafeSide · 04/01/2022 21:39

Wow!!! That's fab! I hope you have a lovely time!!! :-)

Philly1234 · 04/01/2022 21:48

Good for you!! Enjoy dating

DancinOnTheCeiling · 04/01/2022 22:01

That’s fab @ToastOnCheese. Have a great time!!!

What happened to me after I dated a flakey back and forth guy like yours was I met a guy who was way too into me (suffocating), then swore off men altogether for a bit and tada, then met my now DH (that was 7 years ago). Hope you skip the suffocating one and that this one is decent and maybe the one straight away but if not then he’s just a practice object the universe is sending you..

DancinOnTheCeiling · 04/01/2022 22:01

Keep us posted!

PippaRose · 05/01/2022 08:21

Hi OP, sorry to see you have been feeling rubbish but glad things have come to some kind of conclusion for you so you can move on.

Good luck with your next date!

beastlyslumber · 05/01/2022 08:41

Good luck on your date! Not moving too fast at all - no point texting for ages before meeting someone in real life. Hope it goes well!

Raychelle · 05/01/2022 21:41

Good luck on your date @ToastOnCheese let us know how it goes!

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 05/01/2022 23:01

Aww thank you for the lovely messages. I'll let you know how it goes!

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 08/01/2022 23:30

I promised I'd update....

I had a lovely, lovely date. He's asked to see me again and I've said yes. It was much more "datey" than it ever was with the last guy, we still had fun and a laugh but I could tell we were on a date. It's all felt so easy. He asked on the date why I'm on the app, a question I had spent months deliberating about bringing up with the last guy!

I don't know what will happen but I cant wait to find out. Grin

OP posts:
Juletide · 08/01/2022 23:48

Excellent news OP, he sounds nice. Smile

DancinOnTheCeiling · 09/01/2022 00:07

That sounds fab. Keep us posted 😃

PointyMcguire · 09/01/2022 09:50

Amazing news! Glad it went well x

PippaRose · 09/01/2022 14:18

Brilliant let us know how it goes!

Boombangboom · 09/01/2022 17:10

Yay!

Philly1234 · 09/01/2022 22:06

Awesome!!!

beastlyslumber · 10/01/2022 08:29

Sounds promising! let us know how it develops Grin

Snoozeee · 10/01/2022 09:07

@ToastOnCheese

I promised I'd update....

I had a lovely, lovely date. He's asked to see me again and I've said yes. It was much more "datey" than it ever was with the last guy, we still had fun and a laugh but I could tell we were on a date. It's all felt so easy. He asked on the date why I'm on the app, a question I had spent months deliberating about bringing up with the last guy!

I don't know what will happen but I cant wait to find out. Grin

Yaaaas girl!!

I'm soooo glad you saw how effortless it was! And that's exactly how it should be!! Honestly, so happy for you! Here's to many more successful dates and possibly a future bf!! Grin keep us posted!

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 12/01/2022 15:26

I had a date with the guy last night, I had a fab time and we kissed Grin

We've already made plans to see each other again.

Its not intense at all, it feels very natural and the best thing is ... I know he likes me. There is no way I'd start a thread about this guys intentions or how I should broach a subject with him.

Its funny how I was so oblivious to how wrong things were with the last guy!

OP posts:
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