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Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
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Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 18:14

Thanks.
Yeah, I'm done with him, he's clearly not interested.

I wont message him, if he replies in a few days with another excuse then I'll tell him where to go.

OP posts:
PippaRose · 01/01/2022 22:11

Sorry it didn’t work out for you. Hope you are ok

MuckyPlucky · 01/01/2022 22:48

Hey OP. I’ve watched your thread intently, rooting for you. I didn’t post until now as everyone else (including your own wise self) had got it covered. But I have to de-lurk here to say:

He didn’t even contact at NYE to say a quick “happy new year”?! WTAF?! Even neighbours from down the road who I’ve never met texted me to say happy new year. That’s what people do, with everyone. For this bloke to not even contact his own GF with a new year wish is totally insane & bonkers. The fact he said in his previous message about you going away together (established couple type thinking) then didn’t even think of you on New Year’s Eve is just mind-bogglingly contrary and weird. I think there’s something deeply strange about him, so it’s a good job you’ve deleted his number. My hunch is that he’s so barking & odd that even if you got the weird comms issue smoothed out, you’d eventually unearth all sorts of other strange approaches to the world.

Nah. Next!

Snoozeee · 01/01/2022 23:10

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

I personally wouldn't give him the time or day IF he responded. He's just not worthy of your time and energy.
Invest your energy on someone who will show you respect and the communication you deserve.
When you meet the right man (and you will!), you will realise how effortless dating really is.

Good riddance if you ask me darling! New year, new journey!

Happy New Year to you and May 2022 be an amazing year for you! Daffodil

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 23:40

@PippaRose
@MuckyPlucky
@Snoozeee

Thank you all. I totally agree, to not even say Happy New Year is bloody bizarre.

I've been talking to a friend and we may be way off but we have a theory... Something a few people on here have said.
I wonder if he has a girlfriend who still lives in the country he used to live in (he's from England originally, moved away and returned here fairly recently)
He returned to England due to a family bereavement, I wonder if he planned to stay here for a short time only but it didn't work out that way. While he was here he ended up breaking a bone, meaning he couldn't travel. He then got a job here and said that he ended up enjoying living back here. He has 2 phones, an England sim and the other countries sim, I wonder if his contact is so bad because he rarely uses whichever number he gave me. His contact has dropped massively over the Christmas and New Year period and he ignored my messages about meeting, something he wouldn't usually do, saying he lost his phone. I wonder if this girlfriend could be visiting so he's hid this phone and that's why the contact has dropped so massively and he's had to think of an excuse. We haven't had much sex, could that be a guilt thing? The house he's living in is his family members, it's not really livable but he kept saying he would make it so. Perhaps he has no intention of staying. When I messaged the other day that I wanted to talk and he rushed me, perhaps he only had a minute to talk and needed me to say what I had to say, or maybe he thought I'd found out something about him and he was worried. There are other things also that I brushed off or made an excuse for.

I dont know. I could be way off, I now just can't shake the feeling that there is more to this. Regardless, I'll never believe him. I could be so wrong... I just thought it was interesting and may explain some things. I'll stop thinking about it now and move on, just wanted to share it to see what other people thought.

OP posts:
Philly1234 · 01/01/2022 23:44

What about socials - any sign of a gf on there?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 23:50

@Philly1234
Cannot find him on any socials.... Myself and 3 friends have searched everything we can think of, he is nowhere to be seen.

OP posts:
Philly1234 · 01/01/2022 23:54

Red flag imo. Have you got his email address to search with? Does he have a spotify account? Check his followers. Do his friends have socials? Call me a psycho but I would get forensic and I’d find something… 😜

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 23:57

@Philly1234
Don't have his email address. I may need your help!
Don't know his friends names. I've tried everything I can think of, we all have, one of my mates prides herself on stalking! She cannot find a thing.

OP posts:
Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:00

You met on OLD? You have any of his profile pics? Or his WhatsApp pro pic? Pretty sure you can do a google search with an image. Some other MNs will know..

Evian57 · 02/01/2022 00:00

@ToastOnCheese it sounds like your theory of a GF in another country is definitely plausible. He has 2 phones. He hasn’t seen you over Xmas or contacted you much at all. You were having a serious conversation and he’s disappeared from that conversation mid way through for days. I would find that really rude and hurtful. I think he will contact you again with another lame excuse. But whatever his reasons are for such lack of effort, you are now even less further forward in this situation than you were a couple of months ago. Can you not turn your online status back on what’s app to see when he was last online?

PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 00:02

@Philly1234

You met on OLD? You have any of his profile pics? Or his WhatsApp pro pic? Pretty sure you can do a google search with an image. Some other MNs will know..
You should be able to do a reverse google image search, which might throw something up if he’s used the pics elsewhere.
Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:02

I find it a bit odd that younger person doesn’t use any form of socials…. could it be poss that he has a different name to the one he’s told you…

Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:03

Yep @PointyMcguire on the case…

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 02/01/2022 00:06

@Philly1234
We did. He had one photo, I searched it and nothing came up. I asked him to send me another photo before I agreed to meet him so he did, I did the same with that one and nothing. He doesnt have a photo of him on WhatsApp.

@Evian57
Yeah, I definitely feel less further along now. My friend has checked his WhatsApp last seen, he has it switched off. That really shocked me as I just assumed he wouldn't know how to do that. He seemed so rubbish with technology. I feel like I've got him all wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 02/01/2022 00:10

@Philly1234
He does have social media, the issue is I don't know his surname... God, I feel stupid now. He's told me his surname twice and I just haven't remembered it. The name is an unusual one I couldn't spell so I just didn't remember, it didn't seem important at the time. We've searched everything we could trying to find him without the surname, I know the first letter from WhatsApp.

Don't think it's a fake name, his voicemail message is his name and his WhatsApp is his first name and then initial. If he was lying about that the whole phone would be a lie.

OP posts:
PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 00:12

@ToastOnCheese I’m sure you’ve already tried this but does his mobile number bring anything up on google/facebook? I wonder if you might be able to find his full name that way.

Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:14

But is that phone just for dates though??

Slight u-turn here, but from your earlier replies in the thread I’d wondered if he just really lacked confidence. Having only had send a couple of times and also he’s gone quiet since you kind of questioned the direction of things… could it be that he’s taken this massively to heart??

Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:14

Only had sex*

Philly1234 · 02/01/2022 00:18

And further to what @PointyMcguire said, have you googled his first name, city and occupation to see if a LinkedIn acc comes up?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 02/01/2022 00:18

@PointyMcguire
Thank you, good idea, but yeah I tried that with no luck!

@Philly1234
Anything is possible but I don't think so. The sex was ace imo, no complaints there and he's confident from what I can tell. Talks to anyone type of person.

I just wonder what he's getting from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 02/01/2022 00:19

@Philly1234
Yes, I've tried LinkedIn and Google also. No trace anywhere!

OP posts:
PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 00:21

@ToastOnCheese ok clutching at straws now but with his cycling is he a member of a club? Maybe they have a facebook group/page where he might have been tagged in a post.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 02/01/2022 00:23

@PointyMcguire
I've even tried that. I've searched famous people and nearby shops related to his hobby for their followers etc. I went a bit search crazy one night Grin

OP posts:
PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 00:24

Hoping I didn’t imagine the hobby was cycling, but you catch my drift.