Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:12

@Juletide
Happy New Year!

@bebarkered
Happy New Year! Haha hopefully he realises that but it'll be too late Grin

OP posts:
bebarkered · 01/01/2022 01:16

He had better realize! Wtf is he doing shooting off and not continuing the chat with you? Can't believe that

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:27

@bebarkered
Honestly, I just dont get it. The irony of it is that after I asked if I could have a chat with him and he said yes, I didnt reply for a whole 7 minutes and he was already messaging me again to prompt me. 7 minutes Confused But he can ignore me for days.

To be honest I'm intrigued about what his excuse will be this time... If he does have covid he'll have limited options! Maybe he dropped his phone down the toilet or he's had a power cut and he couldn't charge it Hmm

OP posts:
bebarkered · 01/01/2022 01:32

I noticed him keep messaging you when you weren't replying! Almost as if he was panicking?

bebarkered · 01/01/2022 01:35

He then made the suggestion about a weekend away. Then does another disappearing act...

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:37

@bebarkered
True, god knows what he may have been thinking! I'm sure I'll never know.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:39

@bebarkered
I know. Its one extreme to the other. Maybe he expected me to focus on that, I purposefully didn't acknowledge it because I wanted to get out what I wanted to say. Just a shame he disappeared before I managed to say everything!

OP posts:
Robin233 · 01/01/2022 01:41

He's using you as an ego boost.
Tell him to do one.
Surely you've got better offers?

bebarkered · 01/01/2022 01:43

I still wonder if he's 'unavailable' because it seems as if he is. He exhibits all the signs. The start to appear keen, looking for a place where you can do the deed, suggesting a weekend away, seeming to want to chat to you, then, nothing. Disappears. I've experienced exactly this with two guys. Both turned out to be with someone

bebarkered · 01/01/2022 01:48

Starting to appear keen that should have said

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:50

@bebarkered
I dont think he is but I won't discount anything. We have had sex and sleepovers, just not often and circumstances dictate that a bit. From my side there's nothing I can do about the circumstances, he could do something his end but he's choosing not to, because he's a lazy bastard I think. I have been in his house, in his work, I've met his housemate and a friend and colleagues. I could be totally wrong and I accept its a possibility. I suppose, it doesn't matter now.

@Robin233
If I went back OLD im sure I could find other people to date. I havent been out as much recent weeks due to covid so haven't met anyone really.

OP posts:
thenewduchessoflapland · 01/01/2022 01:52

@ToastOnCheese

The only message you should be sending this game playing man child is

"We are not compatible with each other and should go our separate ways"

Seriously stop investing your time and energy into him.

Reload those dating Apps and cast your net wider;there is a man out there who's right for you and it's definitely not the man your seeing.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 01:54

@thenewduchessoflapland
Thanks. I've deleted his number so I can't send him any daft messages and I'll get back on the apps sometime next week. You're right.

OP posts:
bebarkered · 01/01/2022 02:11

If he replies make sure you tell him you're getting back out there dating! Tell him you've got that many guys wanting to take you out you just don't know which way to turn!!

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 02:15

@bebarkered
Grin If only...

OP posts:
bebarkered · 01/01/2022 02:21

Fake it till you make it love. I promise you it will make him think. A little prompter to remind him there's cock everywhere!

Raychelle · 01/01/2022 09:35

@ToastOnCheese - he will be back mark my words! I agree with @bebarkered, tell him you have a few dates lined up even if you don’t, will make him see what he missed out on.

He’s doing that “just enough dance” isn’t he, the carrot was the weekend away…. Fuck him, onwards and upwards OP

beastlyslumber · 01/01/2022 09:59

God what a dickhead he is. Not a nice person, and not deserving of a single second more of your time or attention.

I strongly suspect the reason why he doesn't want sex, doesn't reply to messages, lies, avoids you etc, but is so lovely and wonderful when you actually see him, is because he only knows how to behave narcissistically. And he will never change. And he will never see what he's missing. Don't hold out any hope for him OP. That would be a mistake.

Just think, you have dropped him in time for the new year and a new start and now there's space in your life for someone lovely. Happy new year!

Didimum · 01/01/2022 12:31

Did he not even wish you a happy new year? Very odd.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 12:59

@Didimum
Nope, I haven't heard a thing since Thursday. So bloody bizarre.

@beastlyslumber
Yeah, I think he's just too self centered and selfish for anything more than the bare minimum. He didn't even do the bare minimum imo.
The way he is in person and over the phone is so, so different, I think that's what I've found most tricky.

@Raychelle
Yeah, very much giving me a little crumb to cling onto, that's why I ignored the message about going away. If he truly meant that he would have brought it up of his own accord, not as a direct result of me saying I feel like we arent progressing.

Anyway, I'm done with him. It took me so much to even bring up that conversation with him (as you all well know) and the fact that he just disappeared mid way through is unacceptable.

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 01/01/2022 13:31

The way he is in person and over the phone is so, so different, I think that's what I've found most tricky.

Yeah he sounds very tricky. I would guess that in person he is very good at focusing on you, charming and love bombing you. But then over text or phone, without being able to lie with his voice and eyes etc he can't maintain the mask as well. It is harder for him since he has nothing but words. It's exposing for him. Which is probably another reason why he avoids texting so much.

Boombangboom · 01/01/2022 14:42

Wow didn’t even wish you a happy new year ?? Definitely bin now, don’t get reeled back in with anymore fake promises

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 01/01/2022 15:52

I wont get reeled back in, im so annoyed and that will stop me!

I dont even know whether he'll have the front to return after this, it's embarrassing at this point.

OP posts:
stressedy · 01/01/2022 16:30

it all seems a but odd doesn't it?

id really really sit and think about what you want in life and what you are willing to accept in a partner.

mobiles and social media do put a lot of pressure in relationships but this person does seem to be too relaxed for you and not invested enough he may just be a nice guy and this is his personality but you clearly want more.

lardass88 · 01/01/2022 17:39

If it were me I'd just sack it... too much of a headfuck .. not worth your time and effort .. if he's interested he'd make plans. Actions speak louder than words x