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Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
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Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 17:35

@myothercarisaskoda
We've only had sex twice so that's definitely not the reason hes been sticking around Grin

The plan is to forget about him!

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 27/12/2021 17:35

I wouldn't call or text again. It sounds like he really can't be bothered to make the effort. Sorry, OP. If it were me I would probably block his number so I didn't have to think about what to do when he finally bothered getting around to texting me.

I don't think you should chase after him.

myothercarisaskoda · 27/12/2021 17:39

Block him then and forget, will be tough at first but he clearly can't be bothered. Don't let him wear you down further!

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 17:40

@Figroll16
I havent heard from him much. We last met up on Monday, he texted me Tuesday and I replied on Wednesday. He then messaged me on Christmas day, I replied and have had nothing since. I texted again yesterday asking if he wanted to meet up either today or tomorrow, nothing.

@beastlyslumber
Thanks, I definitely don't intend on chasing him, I won't text him again. I feeling a bit gutted really. Its only been 5 months I think, but this is the furthest I've got with anyone in a long time and I really like him!

OP posts:
Figroll16 · 27/12/2021 17:45

I find it so rude when men don't reply - sadly happens fair bit and usually with ones I like the most so I feel your pain.

If it was me, I'd want to speak/ meet one last time to put my cards on the table. Least then Id know there were no 'what ifs' from my side.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 17:53

@Figroll16
That was my intention when I asked if he'd like to meet. I feel a bit at a loss now. I'm not messaging for a third time that's for sure!

OP posts:
Figroll16 · 27/12/2021 17:56

I still feel he will be in touch -it's just whether all this waiting is going to make you feel differently about him?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 18:02

@Figroll16
It is starting to, yes. I just find it frustrating. I would 100% much rather him explicitly say I'm not for him and walk away, I feel worse being in this weird limbo, never quite sure what's happening. The lack of response brings it all back, my horrible ex, he would ignore me all of the time! We lived together and at times he'd go to work and then disappear for 5 days. I remember how i used to feel in those moments and that's how I feel now, just much less intense. I just want a conversation with him, if he doesn't want to make anymore effort than thats fine, it can be done. I dont want to just block him without that conversation.

OP posts:
Figroll16 · 27/12/2021 18:08

I would feel exactly the same! I'm not making excuses for him but I'm coming to realise that not everyone replies so quickly to messages as myself.

I don't mind not hearing off someone for 3 days if I know where I stand with them -I think this is what you're needing too?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 18:21

@Figroll16
Yeah, as you said, the knowing where you stand part is really important and I just dont! I used to be okay with it and actually enjoyed the fact our situation wasnt based over text, but now I feel like he's taking the mick. It just seems so unlikely he hasn't checked his phone since Christmas day when I sent the first text and last night when I sent the second text.

OP posts:
OwlInLove · 27/12/2021 18:29

Christ have I really just read through hundreds of posts over the past two months?

Honestly OP, you're flogging a dead horse here. Just message him telling him you're totally bored of this whole thing, you're clearly not compatible and you're knocking it on the head now

I'd usually advocate not texting but just get him told for goodness sake. He sounds like a complete bore

I mean, you're not even shagging him madly or having any meaningful contact with him.

Throw this one back in and move on

Juletide · 27/12/2021 18:33

He sounds like a bit of a free spirit OP, doubt he'll change. Waste of your time.

Mystical79 · 27/12/2021 19:02

@OwlInLove

Christ have I really just read through hundreds of posts over the past two months?

Honestly OP, you're flogging a dead horse here. Just message him telling him you're totally bored of this whole thing, you're clearly not compatible and you're knocking it on the head now

I'd usually advocate not texting but just get him told for goodness sake. He sounds like a complete bore

I mean, you're not even shagging him madly or having any meaningful contact with him.

Throw this one back in and move on

This. It’s painful hun , move on and find someone who deserves you!
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 19:55

Thanks all.

I'll have a think about whether to text that or not. I'm erring on the side of just leaving things.

In person he is the opposite of boring but yes, I'm finding the whole thing extremely dull and boring!

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 27/12/2021 20:00

Don't text him. You've texted him twice in a row. Stop chasing him. If he's interested, he will message you.

If you keep chasing him, he may well keep you hanging about according to his convenience. Just stop texting and if/when he messages you, let him know you're fed up of waiting about for him. He either will or won't step up.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 20:05

@beastlyslumber
Sorry, I mean to text him to say this isn't what I'm looking for etc. Not to send a third message trying to get him to respond Grin

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 27/12/2021 20:18

Oh right! sorry! Urgh it's so hard. I think I would just leave it altogether if it were me. But I get that wanting to have some kind of closure or conclusion.

OnTheSafeSide · 27/12/2021 20:23

If I were you, I would send a polite message now about why it's not working, (I mean surely you should be dying to meet up and at least keep in contact if not meeting, like is he not even thinking of you at all in-between, it seems so lacklustre?). I would then wait for a week to see if any response, so you can at least have a civil ending and say goodbye. Then after a week, if nothing, I would delete and block so you can just move on (and I am not a natural blocker but not sure how else you can move on from this without closing it yourself).

This will achieve one of 3 things -
a) the boot up the arse he needs to actually sort himself out and step up if he wants something with you (maybe clearing up some mixed signals from you saying you don't want a boyfriend etc)
b) a nice, civilised ending with proper good-byes
c) a sad, one-sided ending but at least you have closed it off and can get on with your life and he knows you are not just hanging around forever.

OnTheSafeSide · 27/12/2021 20:27

Sorry I mean I would text now ending it, saying good-bye - with whatever level of detail (or none) you wish about why you are ending it. I could not bear the waiting myself. At least you will have acted decently and said good-bye properly.

bebarkered · 27/12/2021 20:44

Oh I was really hoping he would have wanted to see you. Has he said what he's doing over Christmas?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 20:57

@OnTheSafeSide
Thank you, I think youre right and I'll have a little think.

@bebarkered
No plans that I know of, he said it was just another day to him! I joked about him being too cool to celebrate Christmas.

OP posts:
PippaRose · 27/12/2021 22:31

Hi OP

Think you’ve given this one long enough now, it doesn’t seem to be more than a friendship and it’s been 5 months.

You can do so much better, I know it’s hard but think it’s time.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 23:16

@PippaRose
Thank you. I think he's taken this out of my hands now anyway, still no response. The fact we barely ever spoke will at least mean that's its easier for me to get over!

OP posts:
PippaRose · 27/12/2021 23:18

It’s always hard though as you have that hope of what could happen.

You’ll definitely hear from him again!

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 27/12/2021 23:22

@PippaRose
Yeah, exactly! I just feel a bit daft, I was so excited about this guy, I told all of my family about him. I never, ever do that Blush

I'll get over it. It'll be too late when/if he gets in contact, I cant bare to be in this limbo for any longer!

OP posts: