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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex problem don't know how to solve *Content Warning* title edited by MNHQ

217 replies

Chickencuddle · 14/10/2021 07:00

1i have huge issues with sex... I know I do. I feel panic and violated if my partner tries to initiate anything. We haven't had sex in a long time. However he keeps doing this thing where he will touch me down below. I will ask him to stop and he will say "I'm going to give you a treat" tbh this creeps me put so much. Anyway I will keep saying I don't want him to and he will keep on at me and keep touching me even if I've asked him to stop. Last night I felt so poorly. Jyst wanted to sleep and he kept doing it and I said "I've asked you to stop why are you still doing it" he will say once I let him do it I'll enjoy it in the end etc. I've told him how I feel and he unsee stands why I feel like this. I told him every time he doesn'tisten to me and carries on I feel less safe and I need to feel safe to have sex.
What do I do.

OP posts:
Chickencuddle · 30/12/2021 22:13

Reading that back I feel like I'm annoyed he is advocating consent. It's not that.... I can't explain it properly. It's the way he says it and the reasons and also maybe I'm a bit annoyed that he shouts about it but doesn't do it himself

OP posts:
Chickencuddle · 30/12/2021 22:17

Maybe not sarcastic... But says it in a wierd overdramatic voice and shouting. Like If someone said remember chocolate is high sugar. And someone later on was kind of mimicking it in mock seriousness but overdreamatic and they would laugh about it after. Except he doesn't laugh and I did call him out on it once asking why he was saying it like that but he said he wasn't saying it in any way.
It's very hard to explain I'm not very good with words. Sorry

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 30/12/2021 22:19

You left him before but went back and he is still sexually assaulting you? How is that indicative of him being sorry and wanting to move on? No means no.... End of story. Next time he does it, say loud and clear No is no and remove yourself from him. Then make plans to leave for food this time.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/12/2021 22:23

The answer to all your questions about why he does what he does (from sexual harassment to the thing where he mentions consent etc to the kids in a weird tone) is the same - because he's an abuser.

He is mocking your boundaries then gaslighting you by saying he didn't say things in a certain tone when you both know he did.

He wants you to think you're mad, that you're always overreacting, that you're unreasonable, that you should be grateful he's managed not to sexual assault you for two months, that you're the problem because because because he's an abuser.

I wish I could scoop you and your children up and help you see how utterly fucked up this dynamic is and how it's got the potential to have more and more negative effects on your kids the longer you stay with him.

At a minimum you need to do solo counselling. He's your husband. If you can't say to him "I'm aware you don't think I need counselling, but I want to have it and if you love me you'll support me in doing so. If you don't support me in doing so, I'm still going to do it" because you're afraid of the fall out then it's simply further proof you're married to a man who is abusive.

Welshgal85 · 30/12/2021 22:24

That sounds like mocking, like he is being sarcastic and making fun of a serious and important conversation you have had with the kids. To be honest it’s another example of him undermining being disrespectful. Why would be mock you teaching the kids about consent? Sorry but he sounds horrible

Welshgal85 · 30/12/2021 22:26

@youvegottenminuteslynn

The answer to all your questions about why he does what he does (from sexual harassment to the thing where he mentions consent etc to the kids in a weird tone) is the same - because he's an abuser.

He is mocking your boundaries then gaslighting you by saying he didn't say things in a certain tone when you both know he did.

He wants you to think you're mad, that you're always overreacting, that you're unreasonable, that you should be grateful he's managed not to sexual assault you for two months, that you're the problem because because because he's an abuser.

I wish I could scoop you and your children up and help you see how utterly fucked up this dynamic is and how it's got the potential to have more and more negative effects on your kids the longer you stay with him.

At a minimum you need to do solo counselling. He's your husband. If you can't say to him "I'm aware you don't think I need counselling, but I want to have it and if you love me you'll support me in doing so. If you don't support me in doing so, I'm still going to do it" because you're afraid of the fall out then it's simply further proof you're married to a man who is abusive.

Completely agree with this
Chickencuddle · 30/12/2021 23:29

Thanks for replies lots to think about.

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 30/12/2021 23:30

@Chickencuddle

Do abusers stop there behaviour for long periods of time. Because it's been almost a year since I left briefly which makes me feel like he didn't know and now he does he isn't doing it anymore.
I haven't read all your previous posts, OP, but enough to know that your husband is a very sick man.

Given the childhood you had, you probably have no idea what a loving relationship looks like, and maybe you're used to adapting to grim situations by being selective in what you notice and remember.

You keep mentioning the "good man" who puts in an appearance, sometimes briefly, sometimes for longer. It reminds me of the crone/girl illusion picture (above) -- depending how you look at it, sometimes you see a sad, beaky-nosed old woman gazing down, sometimes the crone's eye becomes the ear of a pretty young girl with her cheek turned away. It seems to me that your whole vision of your husband alternates like this between monster and hero.

And of course, life is much more bearable if you can just focus on the hero vision and get it to remain stable for long enough to consider it real and solid. How you long for this, more than anything in the world!

The trouble is that your husband does just enough to trick you and keep you trapped. He doesn't have to do much, because you are conditioned to minimise your own feelings and ideas, and you are also inclined to overlook/forget unpleasant things that have happened. So as long as he can sustain a bit of more normal/pleasant behaviour now and then, it's enough for you to focus on the "hero" image rather than the "monster" you prefer not to see.

I don't blame you for not wanting to see the monster, because it is fucking scary.

Your efforts to subdue his deranged behaviour are wasted -- it's like trying to nail shut a crate of slime. You somehow manage to hammer home, eventually, that A, B, and C are not acceptable; he stops those specific things for a while, perhaps even for longer than you expected, but you're still wondering when it might all start again. In the meantime his sickness-slime seeps through all the cracks between the nails. I'm not sure I understand your post just now about the way he is making pronouncements to the kids about boundaries, but it sounds as though perhaps he is sarcastically mocking the principles he is currently paying lip service to, as a way of subtly undermining them.

He might have stopped doing the most obvious things to abuse you, but I'm pretty sure if I were a fly on the wall I'd see him constantly putting you down in hundreds of ways, making you doubt everything. You probably don't even notice because it seems normal to you.

Even reading between the lines of "makes me feel like he didn't know and now he does he isn't doing it anymore" ... I'm guessing this reflects conversations where he's turned everything back on you, as though you just haven't made yourself clear and he has always responded perfectly reasonably to your requests. He's probably very clever at making you feel this way.

I can't help feeling sceptical when you say how happy the kids are. I suspect they have often pretended to be asleep, pretended not to see or hear something. The way he rants at them, and how you contain situations by deferring to him, does not sound like a happy or healthy dynamic. As PPs have said, his sexual behaviour around them is deeply disturbing.

The thing about the hero/monster illusion is that you're not sure which to believe in. They both seem equally plausible to you. How can you tell which is real?

In answer to your question:
Do abusers stop their behaviour for long periods of time?
Abusers can certainly pretend to be good people. It's all part of their game. I suspect his abuse just keeps changing form, shapeshifting so that you can never quite pin it down. Pay attention to those uneasy feelings.

A more useful question to ask might be:
Do good men ever act abusively?
The answer is simple: NO. NEVER.

A good man is never a monster. Not even for a day or two. And a quick glance at your previous threads reveals a hefty catalogue of truly vile abuse.

This is not love, OP, and it's no future for you or the kids. I hope you'll find the strength to leave again and give it a proper chance this time.

Sex problem don't know how to solve *Content Warning* title edited  by MNHQ
Alcemeg · 30/12/2021 23:41

@Chickencuddle

Maybe not sarcastic... But says it in a wierd overdramatic voice and shouting. Like If someone said remember chocolate is high sugar. And someone later on was kind of mimicking it in mock seriousness but overdreamatic and they would laugh about it after. Except he doesn't laugh and I did call him out on it once asking why he was saying it like that but he said he wasn't saying it in any way. It's very hard to explain I'm not very good with words. Sorry
Ha! I spent so long writing that essay 😉 that you posted this in the meantime. It's just what I suspected. He's trying to distort the fundamental rules you have laid down, by presenting them as trivial and neurotic. The fucker.
me4real · 31/12/2021 01:19

it sounds as though perhaps he is sarcastically mocking the principles he is currently paying lip service to, as a way of subtly undermining them.

Alcemeg phrased this well @Chickencuddle . It is a way of unnerving/intimidating you.

'For now, I'm pretending I'll follow your rules and not rape/sexually assault you ever again, but I think it's B.S. and could rape you again any time I felt like it.'

Closetbeanmuncher · 31/12/2021 02:20

However he keeps doing this thing where he will touch me down below. I will ask him to stop and he will say "I'm going to give you a treat"

Anyway I will keep saying I don't want him to and he will keep on at me and keep touching me even if I've asked him to stop

You're effectively asking us all how you can sweep all this (and the reams of previous incidents) under the carpet, and conjure up desire for someone who has all the markings of a sexual predator...

This is all so backwards I don't even know where to begin OP. You're in complete and utter denial and I don't think it matters who tells you otherwise you will cling to the narrative you've constructed in your mind of him being loving and decent.

Your body and mind are saying no for a reason.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/01/2022 23:25

How are you feeling @Chickencuddle? Thanks

Cloudfrost · 02/01/2022 02:23

Oh dear, the denial u are in is unbelievable.

He is not a good man, he is not a good hus and, he is not a good dad...

But no point trying to convince you as you refuse to see anything that doesn't match the changed man narrative you have created in your head. Please get some therapy and get the help you need to recognise you are still in an abusive relationship.

SummerWhisper · 02/01/2022 03:12

What worries me is that this sex-obsessed predator is being sarcastic about consent to your 7/8 year-old daughter. That seems to be ringing massive and I mean massive alarm bells.

Lots of us have picked up on the thrill he seems to get when he can mix sex (actually, attempted rape) with an audience of children. This isn't just about you. This is about your children's safety.

Spreadingtheword · 02/01/2022 03:38

You say you feel like sometimes you want/can have sex but clamp up; do you mean physically? Could it be you have vaginismus (I think that’s spelt right) - where your muscles physically clamp down and make sex painful or not even able to do. - this can be trigged by past trauma so would make some sense.

Aside from your husband being a shit on occasion you say you love him and want to make it work ect, it might be something to explore whether your physically tensing up and it’s impacting your sex life.

Forgive me if you don’t mean physically, and that it’s a more of a mental block. It sounds like you’re not having a very good time at the mo regardless!

Please also educate yourself on SA, you say you love him but he really doesn’t sound like a loveable character..

Insidelaurashead · 02/01/2022 05:01

OP, if I may I'd like to tell you a story. My close friend is upset that he and his wife don't have sex very often at the moment. He knows she has previous issues with intimacy, that they have talked about and he understands. Because he is sad about it, he sometimes talks to me, a trusted friend. He also talks to her. Reassures her he loves her, that she's beautiful and sexy and intelligent and all these brilliant things. Cuddles etc, lots of physical closeness that they are both happy with. And, he deals with the fact she does not want more at the time. He tells her if she feels she does then he does, but he doesn't ask her to, he doesn't try to make her, either by making her feel bad or physically forcing. He tells her it's okay. Because he loves her and respects her. THAT is how a decent partner deals with this situation

SamDees · 02/01/2022 10:28

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