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Original poster

Stay at home mums - how much do you live on?

246 replies

JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:03

Just intrigued as to what other SAHM use in terms of money?

My husband is the earner and we have a joint account - I get what I need our son and for the house but rarely spend anything on myself, am literally bottom of the pile it feels.. when I do spend on myself I feel my husbands eyebrows raise slightly.

I need a new phone (mine is cracked and very old!) a new winter coat (I have a few
but are years old and really fancy a new one) and would like a bit of me/pamper time..

I'm not a big spender and never have been but really feel I bloody deserve a few nice things!!!

I don't have any of my own money per say so it would be our joint money..

OP posts:
Bigeggsinapackoften · 06/10/2021 21:04

How much extra money do you have every month?

I wouldn’t buy a new coat just because I fancied one to be fair

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:07

What do you mean in terms of extra money? Thanks x

OP posts:
CinderFuckingRe11a · 06/10/2021 21:10

My husband is a SAHD. As far as I am concerned he has as much right to any money in the joint account as I do, and if he needed a new phone or a new coat I hope he would buy one without thinking he was spending ‘my’ money.

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:14

@CinderFuckingRe11a love this. I agree. So interesting hear it the other way around - out of interest what career/job do you do?

I'd love to be in the position to support my family financially one day.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/10/2021 21:15

How much spending money does your husband have? You should have equal, if you’ve agreed for you to be a SAHM (and if he didn’t particularly want you to give up work then it’s a bit different.) If what he earns is only just covering your bills and he wouldn’t have enough money for a new coat or some “him time” then you’re being unreasonable. If he would buy himself new things and treats, then you need a proper conversation about finances and how you need your share.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 06/10/2021 21:16

Just intrigued as to what other SAHM use in terms of money?

I use half of the available disposable income (after bills, savings, family spending money etc.), my husband uses the other half. We are married so it is half mine in law - all my worldly goods I share with you and all that (plus if I divorced him I'd be entitled to at least half as a starting point, probably more as the main carer for the children). When I was the higher earner it was the same (half each).

when I do spend on myself I feel my husbands eyebrows raise slightly

He thinks it's really "his" money, doesn't he?

soapboxqueen · 06/10/2021 21:17

I'm a SAHM, my husband works. All money is shared. In fact he doesn't discuss what 'he' earns, he describes it as what 'we' earn. Yes he is the one with the job that earns the money but that wouldn't be possible without the work I do at home.

We don't consultant one another on everyday purchases. Bigger ones yes.

romdowa · 06/10/2021 21:24

I'll be a stay at home mum in a few weeks and I have 100% access to the money and if I need/want (within reason) anything and we have the money there would 100% be no issues.

pattyparsnip · 06/10/2021 21:25

I only work 10 hours a week so more or less SAHM . We have joint bank accounts it's our money he doesn't care what I spend on myself and me him .

CinderFuckingRe11a · 06/10/2021 21:25

[quote JC2021]@CinderFuckingRe11a love this. I agree. So interesting hear it the other way around - out of interest what career/job do you do?

I'd love to be in the position to support my family financially one day. [/quote]
I am a chartered accountant, 20 years qualified. Now specialise in tax. Definitely recommend it.

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:35

So after bills we tend to spend on home improvements (him mostly) and stuff for our son and the usual groceries etc.,

I think my issue is I rarely spend on myself and would quite like to!

My DH is a high earner and has access to money beyond our joint account, he has investments and saved for years.

I haven't, regrettably so!!

He rarely buys things for himself but also doesn't hesitate if he wants/needs stuff.

He spends on things for his new office he has recently had built which equates close to £4K and buys shelving and units for it that are £300 each.

So yes that's for the office/the home but I rarely spend anything.

He also got a bonus from work which wasn't loads but good enough, although he squirrelled that away!

He/we did pay for our recent holiday which was an all inclusive to Spain.

OP posts:
CinderFuckingRe11a · 06/10/2021 21:39

I got a bonus from work…it’s in the joint account!

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:40

@CinderFuckingRe11a interesting!!

OP posts:
Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:41

@CinderFuckingRe11a also great that you have such a good, stable job to provide 👏

OP posts:
Peanutsandchilli · 06/10/2021 21:43

I'm a sahm and all our money goes into a joint account. I don't spend much on myself but I have full access to any money I want, as does my husband. Anything big we discuss beforehand, but as long as there's money to pay the bills then we have free pickings for smaller items.

Flossieskeeper · 06/10/2021 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gaggleofgeese · 06/10/2021 21:47

Buy what you want op. If he raises his eyebrows tell him to put them down. My dh is a high earner and if I need a coat I buy it, I get my hair cut/treatments regularly, I upgrade my phone. I'm not an unpaid cleaner/nanny, I'm a person too.

Bluntness100 · 06/10/2021 21:47

I use half of the available disposable income (after bills, savings, family spending money etc.), my husband uses the other half. We are married so it is half mine in law - all my worldly goods I share with you and all that (plus if I divorced him I'd be entitled to at least half as a starting point, probably more as the main carer for the children). When I was the higher earner it was the same (half each).

This is just silly. I don’t believe you can seriously think that. You’ve no automatic legal right to his money before during or after marriage, yes on divorce it would be half the assets, depending on Length of marriage etc but you don’t get half his salary married or divorced. There’s no law that says that snd never has been.

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:48

@Flossieskeeper I've loved spending time with my son but it has also been very hard as we have no support and live away from family. I've had the opportunity to bond/connect with my son but now he has just begun nursery 3 mornings a week, I need something for me! I get 3 hours each morning 3 times a week so feel limited in terms of my earning potential and feel I will likely need to wait until my son is in full days, hopefully early next year, then I get some freedom back 🙏

OP posts:
Outfoxedbyrabbits · 06/10/2021 21:49

He also got a bonus from work which wasn't loads but good enough, although he squirrelled that away!

Do you (and/or he) realise that if you were to divorce him then he would HAVE to disclose that money (indeed, all his money) on his form E and that the starting point would be you would be entitled to half of it? Marriage means it ISN'T just his! How much money are you saving him on "his half" of childcare fees by being a SAHM to your joint children?

Smeds · 06/10/2021 21:51

I don't have access to DH's salary but we have a joint savings account (his bonus went into that) and joint account for bills. If I wanted/needed any money I could ask him but I generally don't. I get tax credit and child benefit paid into mine. We don't spend lots on ourselves, just the house and DCs really. We're an average income family. Your DH sounds comfortably well off though so your situation sounds unfair.

Flossieskeeper · 06/10/2021 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
JC2021 · 06/10/2021 21:51

I think culture plays a part to. He immigrated here with his mum and dad when he was 8 years of age and his attitude to money is to work hard/save and not spend much.

His mother has drummed that into him too!

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 06/10/2021 21:52

@Bluntness100 thank heavens you said that

SalsaLove · 06/10/2021 21:55

I’m not a SAHM but my DH is a higher earner and when I was unemployed our agreement was to check in with each other for purchases over £100. As in, can we afford it if I get my hair done or he buys a computer thing.