Stay at home mums - how much do you live on?

[JC2021]

Just intrigued as to what other SAHM use in terms of money?

My husband is the earner and we have a joint account - I get what I need our son and for the house but rarely spend anything on myself, am literally bottom of the pile it feels.. when I do spend on myself I feel my husbands eyebrows raise slightly.

I need a new phone (mine is cracked and very old!) a new winter coat (I have a few
but are years old and really fancy a new one) and would like a bit of me/pamper time..

I'm not a big spender and never have been but really feel I bloody deserve a few nice things!!!

I don't have any of my own money per say so it would be our joint money..

@SalsaLove I like this.. sounds straightforward

This might be an eye opener for you

www.greycoatlumleys.co.uk/jobs/housekeeping/housekeeper/q-live-out-housekeeper

I'm in a similar position to Cinders. My salary, bonuses go into the joint account monthly. DH and I get the same spending money each per month for personal stuff, clothing, etc.
We discuss any larger spend items beyond the normal bills and groceries.

Personally I think if a woman or man needs things for themselves they should get a job. As an adult I dont think its anybodys responsibility to keep me.

I’m the main earner. DH has just started earning again after being a SAHD for the past 4 years. Earlier in our relationship he was the main earner while I studied.

What we’ve always done is all salaries go into our joint account. We both then take a personal ‘allowance’ out of that (same amount each) - we use that to buy our clothes and any social stuff that doesn’t involve the other one (eg a solo night out, etc). Then we use the joint for everything else (bills, kids, family days out, etc). This has worked well for us.

Not currently SAHM but I have been. Everything in one pot here, we pay the bills, save some and then whatever is left we spend. Neither of us is a big spender though which helps

I know how you feel OP. I am a SAHP and we don’t have a joint account but I have a prepaid card that my DP puts money on each month. Enough to for the kids and for shopping etc. and a bit extra but I never feel I can buy something for myself on the card as then I will need to ask for it to be topped up!

@CityDweller

I’m the main earner. DH has just started earning again after being a SAHD for the past 4 years. Earlier in our relationship he was the main earner while I studied.

What we’ve always done is all salaries go into our joint account. We both then take a personal ‘allowance’ out of that (same amount each) - we use that to buy our clothes and any social stuff that doesn’t involve the other one (eg a solo night out, etc). Then we use the joint for everything else (bills, kids, family days out, etc). This has worked well for us.

We have the same arrangement and would continue to do so if we were on one salary, although those personal budgets would be much smaller in that circumstance.

You should know how much discretionary money you have in the budget and it should be equally available to you both.

I am he earner in my marriage if dh needs something over say £50 he would as if its ok I do not have a high wage so £50 is quite a lot but we are also if it works don't replace so getting a new coat just because you fancy one but nothing wrong with the ones you have is a waste but the phone if its not working correctly we replace ours ever 3 to 4 years, also you dh spending on a home office is not really personal spends, but I also believe bonuses should be kept out as he worked hard for that bonus so should spend it on himself

I just bought whatever I wanted on my credit card, amd it came out of my exh's account direct debit each month. Never felt any guilt, I was definitely doing my share. He never questioned anything, tbh I know he wouldn't have even looked. Our situation is different to others in that because of his job there was no money worries at all.

@Viviennemary I kind of agree, kind of. But in our current situation I can't go and get a job right now.

The main earner

Oh, and our agreement on bonuses is that 50% of them goes into joint savings, and 50% is retained by the bonus-earner who can put it in their own savings or buy themselves a treat or whatever they like.

I think this is my attitude too. For context I’m not a SAHM but husband pays all bills, I pay for anything I need for DC - new clothes, swimming lessons, days out, holidays if I book them, etc. I used to pay for childcare as well but that has significantly reduced now. I rarely spend money on myself and choose to save and invest £ monthly. Will occasionally treat myself to new clothes, haircuts, etc but it is rare. More likely to spend it on meals out, outings with friends, holidays. It is cultural/religious in my case as well.

We both have separate accounts. Husband pays for all bills and rent. I do all the cooking and cleaning. I mainly look after baby as well. I saved quite a bit and spend as I please as it’s my own money. I also buy food and things for my baby. If I didn’t have my own money, not sure what I would have done.

I think its fine if you cant get a job at the moment. But as a long term option total financial dependence on another isn't something I would be comfortable with in the longer term.

How much money are you saving him on "his half" of childcare fees by being a SAHM to your joint children?
And while she's at it she can tot up how much her half of everything else, bills, mortgage, holidays etc comes up to. I bet it's a lot more than half the hypothetical child care.

[quote JC2021]@Viviennemary I kind of agree, kind of. But in our current situation I can't go and get a job right now. [/quote]
Why?

@Viviennemary

Personally I think if a woman or man needs things for themselves they should get a job. As an adult I dont think its anybodys responsibility to keep me.

Well.It's not quite so simple if one of you is a sahp. Their contribution is looking after the dc so the other parent can work freely without being burdened by childcare worries.

I could then your statement around and say

"Personally I think I'd a woman or man needs someone to look after the children, they should pay for childcare. As an adult I don't think it's anybody's responsibility to look after the children for free"

*turn your statement around that should read

So, just as a
Rough example:

£4k goes into joint account
£2k for mortgage
£1k for bills
£1k left for purchases for groceries, son, etc., for the month

Anything left over goes into a small savings pot

Husband tends to use his own personal credit card for big spends so it doesn't eat into our joint one...

You have £8k a month?!

Anyway, I'm a sahm. He transfers me an amount every month. I pay for all food and stuff for kids out of it and whatever I need. I do not discuss any purchases I make with him...I just budget accordingly

My ex was a SAHD. We split amicably enough for reasons not related to money. My salary and bonuses went in a joint account. We discussed big purchases and agreed together. Small stuff just got bought by whichever of us wanted / needed it. When we were short of cash we’d chat and agree a budget. Normally that meant a few months with a £100 spending money between us in a pot on the windowsill. He tended to spend more of it than me as he had a kid to amuse and, working from home, I didn’t really have any need to spend anything for 5 out of 7 days. Basically whatever money we had as a family was free to both of us to use as needed. He certainly wouldn’t have asked me if he could buy a coat!

Full time childcare for 9.5 month old DS is £1000. And that’s just Monday to Friday, 8-5.

You deserve a coat.