Stay at home mums - how much do you live on?

[JC2021]

Just intrigued as to what other SAHM use in terms of money?

My husband is the earner and we have a joint account - I get what I need our son and for the house but rarely spend anything on myself, am literally bottom of the pile it feels.. when I do spend on myself I feel my husbands eyebrows raise slightly.

I need a new phone (mine is cracked and very old!) a new winter coat (I have a few
but are years old and really fancy a new one) and would like a bit of me/pamper time..

I'm not a big spender and never have been but really feel I bloody deserve a few nice things!!!

I don't have any of my own money per say so it would be our joint money..

Lol @Nomoreusernames1244 thank you that’s really kind advice but I was talking about the op’s husband - I have a well paying job and a good pension plan personally! Sorry, I’ve obviously been vague.

@RussianSpy101 I agree. I would need to go trough and work it out..

He also set up a savings/investment account for our son who already has £10k in his pot and he is only 3! Doing better than me by the sounds of it..

So does the other property have rental income?

@Bluntness100 Why not? At the point the money is earned it's a marital asset, it doesn't suddenly become a marital asset on divorce. If you don't want to share "your" money then it's quite simple - don't get married. If you get married, you publicly vow to share everything with your spouse. How peculiar it would have been if I, when I was the higher earner, had sat there eating steak while my husband made do with beans on toast. How bizarre if I had "raised an eyebrow" at him for daring to spend a similar amount of money on himself as I did on myself. It would almost have been like I didn't really consider us to be joint unit

So no private pension & no NI contributions for a state one?

Oh good lord if you only do one thing from this thread op sort that child benefit to get your pension contributions paid. 🙈

@buttermutt yes it does.

I don't claim child benefit either as wouldn't get anything / have to pay the tax back..

If nothing else you need to claim child benefit, as it means your NI stamp is paid until your child is 12.

@SusannaOwens

Ok thank you

He also set up a savings/investment account for our son who already has £10k in his pot and he is only 3! Doing better than me by the sounds of it..

So how much is getting paid into that each month?

@Bluntness100

I use half of the available disposable income (after bills, savings, family spending money etc.), my husband uses the other half. We are married so it is half mine in law - all my worldly goods I share with you and all that (plus if I divorced him I'd be entitled to at least half as a starting point, probably more as the main carer for the children). When I was the higher earner it was the same (half each).

This is just silly. I don’t believe you can seriously think that. You’ve no automatic legal right to his money before during or after marriage, yes on divorce it would be half the assets, depending on Length of marriage etc but you don’t get half his salary married or divorced. There’s no law that says that snd never has been.

I was a sahm for 5 years and this was how we did it. Why would it be silly? All my friends who were SAHMs and SAHDs had the same set up. Anything less than equal access is veering on abusive in my view.

So what's the rental income & why is that not shared?

@buttermutt it's not much and he shares it with his mother - she initially helped him with his deposit.. in a weird way I think he fees indebted to her

I’m getting more stressed the more I read about your finances! So he has a rental property which is mortgaged to cover your mortgage? You will only get a max of 75% on a buy to rent mortgage so will that cover the total mortgage on your home if he sells?

His income then is including the rental income as well as his salary?

How the blazes did he pass affordability tests on the mortgage on your home?

Either you don’t have a clue about the family finances or something very odd is going on surely? Am I missing something?

@RJnomore1 I think OPs DH is keeping something back tbh.
Nothing adds up.

OP you can either claim child benefit, which your dh would have to pay back through tax.

Or you can claim at the nil rate which means you don't get cb payments but you do get pension credits for your state pension.

I don't understand OP. Apart from 'raising eyebrow'.. Have you actually talked to your DH? Did he tell you are not allowed to buy a coat? Is it your perception of what he might think?

Yes the finances should odd tbh OP

sound not should!

@JC2021 are you named on this mortgage?

@Iwonder08

To be honest he has never said no to anything, a raised eyebrow - I think sometimes it's more me that feels
Uncomfortable with spending..

All of our money is in the same pot. I now work two short days per week but for a long time was a SAHM. He earns (most of) the money, I run the household and it finances, so will spend, within reason, what I feel is appropriate on things I need.
If I knew I was being extravagant to the point of it being a large expense, I would discuss it with him first. Eg I wouldn't discuss normal expenditure like a haircut, a top or a pair of trainers, I might mention a clothes purchase of a single item over say £100, and I would definitely talk about a very large purchase like a new phone. Not that he would ever withhold the money, just that I feel it's fair to mention when it's a large sum coming out of "our" pot

The nitty gritty of details of the value of our home and his finances I won't go into on here, nothing odd going on I promise - he has just always had a decent job, payed well, he earned higher a few years back but took a cut.. he has investments and savings.. he grows money / trades in spare time.. so to cut a long story short he is comfortable for sure!! I roughly know all our finances and do have access to main spread sheet but he likes to stack away money rather than spend, that's the bit that bugs me!! Probably why he's got far more than me!!

To be honest I feel frustrated in myself for allowing myself become fully reliant - not a good place to be in my mind...

I guess it highlights what I don't have or haven't built for myself too be honest..

My DH is a high earner and has access to money beyond our joint account, he has investments and saved for years.
Your child has 10k in savings

You should be buying a coat whenever you like
Go see a solicitor
Find out your rights
This is ridiculous situation

@Embracelife I agree it does feel ridiculous!