@Brightonpierrot
Thank you *@layladomino* but i am definitely not super strong.
I can’t throw off this awful headache and am alarmed how an emotional crisis can affect my health.
I feel very depressed today. It hadn’t occurred to me before but i think his other gram followers (including our kids and mutual friends) will have seen her likes. They must think I am such a mug. Why would she do something so public? She could have contacted him more privately rather than announcing her return via social media.
He comes home today. I am not sure how I will be. Just reserved and cool I expect. He says i can look at his phone and check he’s blocked her. I am not sure how i feel about that.
It sounds Brighton as though you are really anxious of his return. Your headache is a manifestation of the fear you have with him.
Your depression is you turning that anger inwards on yourself, this man makes you ill.
He sounds like a controlling bully and you take whatever just to avoid the battles and anger. I think your safest bet would be to grey rock him, don't get into discussions about the rights or wrongs of the situation, you are not strong enough and he will only excuse himself and make you feel responsible for the situation.
You really need to be away from this man, away from that awful house and the memories, a place which is yours that is free from his control, the house reeks of his abuse of you and his control.
Your envoiroment is important as are the people who surround you, your mutual friends who you think are laughing at your weakness, it's all a prison to keep you from fighting back, from having your voice heard.
You are scared, frightened to be alone.
He's been a very cruel guard within this prison and upped his abuse towards you as the years have gone by, he has abused his power.
His girlfriend is hiding behind that power and expects him to protect her, they are evil.
You can do this, slowly and quietly at your own pace, taking your time to back off, slowly increase your confidence.
Find a place for you, that safe haven, do it up, make it nice have periods where you just dissapear, a place where he doesn't know exists.
You can move away from this man gradually if you feel your health could not cope with a huge showdown.
It's a suggestion, one that puts you in control and one that could make you realise that your confidence can return on your terms.
You are tired of fighting, give yourself a place where you can recover from the battering of his humiliation, his insulting and his contempt for you.
He allows you no pride and no respect.
He really is a vile individual, start erasing him from your life, send him in another direction away from you.