Frustrated by men's low standards

[coronaway]

I'm getting increasingly frustrated by men's seemingly low standards when it comes to what they want in a partner and wondered if others had this issue and how they dealt with it? Sorry this may come across a bit ranty...

I think I bring a lot to a relationship (not to sound big headed). I'm very active/fit, switched on, good career, interested in others etc. I'm looking to date someone around my age or a bit older (max 10 years) who is similar to me.

I find it really hard to find someone and if I do it never really progresses. Someone I was very briefly dating has called it a day (we weren't exclusive, only just started dating) so I'm back to square one. For whatever reason it never works out and it's so demoralising as there are few men I find attractive enough to want to date in the first place. What makes it more frustrating is these men don't seem to care much about their dates career, if she is fit, slim etc From what I can see they don't seem to care about much at all. It seems if a woman shows enough interest in them then that is enough.

Why do men who seemingly have a lot to offer have such low standards? I don't understand it! What do I have to do to find someone who I like and is willing to commit?

Urghh it's so demoralising. I've been on the wine tonight so not sure I'm really articulating what I mean but I wanted to vent!

Reading between the lines it seems you're disappointed these men aren't placing any value on your strong points...your fitness and career success.

Those things aren't the be all and end all you know. There are other more important factors to consider.

Also, a lot of men just want to have sex with a lot of different women. I'm currently seeing my friend's ex husband date like a nutcase...all online dates...he's seeing women a few times, sleeping with them and then ending it. Literally...5 or 6 dates and feeling the thrill of it all...then once he's slept with them he moves on. Horrible person but there you have it...a lot of men are like that.

Plus, some men want other things from women...not just successful career and fitness....some want a woman that makes them laugh or is into the same hobbies as them.

Yes, actually a man who stipulates that he wants a woman who is slim and fit and has a good career would be a massive turn off. Personality is far more important.

I think they just want big tits personally and something to show off on their arm. No man has ever been interested in my plentiful achievements or sparkling personality unless they are a cocklodger and have nowhere to live.

I've never really thought about men having standards. I know them to have physical preferences or be attracted to a certain type - ie hair color.

And there needs to be a working vagina.

But, standards like intelligence, a career, a conversationalist? Naw. Sounds like vagina roadblocks.

First off, not sure what are but if you're in the slightly older, usually divorcee realm, I think the poster above has hit it with the fact that so many divorcee men just want to fk around and have "fun".

Secondly, you're projecting your requirements for yourself onto them; not that many men are overly interested/impressed by women's careers. Likewise, unless they really like a slim/super fit body type or want a fitness companion, as such; they don't care over much about fitness. Just whether they're attacted or not.

Even if they weren't doing the sweetie shop dating/sex thing, I find men tend to only care about a. Physical/sexual.attraction, b. The woman not seeming desperate or promiscuous (usually very hypocritical but there you go), and c. Feeling like she's easy company, good fun, they get on, thers and connection etc.

There was a male poster on here, who geberally seemed sensible/nice, who said that his wife, when he met her, was a single mum on benefits .. but that he was very attracted to her, there was a big spark, she seemed likewise very attracted, their sex life was great and still is yrs later, and that thry got on well.

The OP is confusing as you seem to be asking two different and contradictory things - (1) why you can't find a man that wants you, and (2) why men don't seem to care what women are like and want pretty much anyone.

Are you saying that men have such low standards they'll date anyone except you?

When I asked DH what attracted him to me - he said looks (though we share a lot in common - values, religion etc as well - which I think was important and a pre requisite for both of us). I was kinda surprised - as I never really thought that was a strong point of mine.

neither of us had dated v much before and we were both excited there was someone that was interested. maybe you need to cast your net a bit wider - consider dating a wider range of people? i'm really glad i missed the OLD scene - i've read that people have to go on lots and lots of dates to find the right person. good luck!

The men I've met are interested in their own career, they are interested in sex and they are interested in having fun.

They aren't interested in a woman's career because then they get competitive and couldn't cope with coming second. Likewise a woman being fit, ie slim and toned is great as long as she isn't fitter than them.

Unless he's a freeloader looking for someone to keep him.

I'd say 90% of men are pretty shabby really. You need to be keep weeding them out and look for one that likes you because you have fun together and are reasonably equal.

I've never really thought about men having standards.

Some (generally professionals themselves) will be a little bit snobby/specific about job in that they prefer a respectable, reputable job eg teacher .. but that usually only applies to first wife.

For first wife, in some circles, doctor or lawyer barbie is definitely preferable to waitress/hairdresser/beautician/receptionist etc barbie.

After divorcee the tend to be less snobby abd more about looks only and fun character.

Its not quite standards but i find they are turned off (for a relationship anyway) by any knowledge or appearance of promiscuity or infidelity.

@Fifteentoes

The OP is confusing as you seem to be asking two different and contradictory things - (1) why you can't find a man that wants you, and (2) why men don't seem to care what women are like and want pretty much anyone.

Are you saying that men have such low standards they'll date anyone except you?

She's saying she feels she's a good catch and that they don't want her because they have low standards & don't care if someone a good catch.

Clear enough.

And yes, they may just have low standards cause they're playing kid in sweet shop, not really looking for a relationship.

If fitness is a big feather in your cap that you feel should be a big part of your draw, why not scout out men at the gym or in fitness clubs. I doubt for the average bloke it would be high on the agenda, fearing being woken up at 6am for some yoga or a run. Sadly career is deffo not a driver in men's attraction.

What other interests do you have? There's a really attractive slim young woman I watch (on social media) who seems to struggle, but tbh her only personality trait seems to be that she has a Porsche .

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

I've never really thought about men having standards. I know them to have physical preferences or be attracted to a certain type - ie hair color.

And there needs to be a working vagina.

But, standards like intelligence, a career, a conversationalist? Naw. Sounds like vagina roadblocks.

Funny but also disturbing, because true.

Ops list;

Career
Fitness
Looks
Conversation skills
Interest in others
Hobbies
Etc

Blokes list;
Boobs
Ass
Hair
Face
Fun
Accomodating
Laughs at my jokes
Enthusiastic about sex

Tbh a lot of low value mens lists consist of:

Will entertain me at all.

Hey I'm saying this as a pretty low value woman

I remember reading a novel, written by a man, about spy's in nazi Germany etc and the hero/main character was in a new ush relationship; and the only things the author ever saud about her was that she had a fit curvy body, was well built, had big boobs, and was perky and affectionate. She was like a blank canvas, a cardboard cut out.

My mates husband was talking about what attracted him to her, made him ask her out; and he said boobs and hair.

There are a lot of men like that out there.

What are you talking to them about?

Men have such low standards that they don’t like you when you’re apparently perfect?

Honestly though I think a man looking for a relationship IS interested in the woman's career and her fitness and her solvency and would she make a useful longterm partner who actually brings something to the party. If he's looking for a shag only, then none of the above matter. and were back to tits and arse.

Very true. I think men looking for a relationship are quite rare on old. Have an account on a hook up site to cross reference.

You: men have no standards and only require that a woman be interested in them. Achievements and appearance are immaterial.

Also you: none of the men I’m interested in reciprocate said interest.

You’re genuinely not seeing how those two statements are mutually exclusive? Men not being interested in you doesn’t mean their standards are low. It just means they aren’t interested in you.

OP my mum always puts it nicely for me.

'Why do you think you're special because you're slim, kind, and have a good career? So do millions of other women.'

Truth is, you're looking above your height. You need to be more realistic in the man you're after.

The reality is if you are drop dead gorgeous and amazing in other aspects - and are looking for a man to commit - you would have found one easily by now.

I think there’s a few things going on here . It’s not so much men’s low standards but men being so indiscriminate when it comes to who they will have sexual with
And with OLD I think the majority are after sex
Even if comes to relationships men do seem to have plenty of ‘standards ‘ or requirements of women 99% of them physical . I highly doubt many men will care about your career
I don’t think it’s easy to find one of the few decent guys who cares about more than appearance
and certainly not on OLD

@Counterbottle I thought it was interesting that one of things she was unhappy about was that the men in question weren’t as concerned with physical appearance as she might like. That they don’t care ‘if she is fit, slim etc’.

OP apparently wants men to be more into appearance, not less. Wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that.

@Buggritbuggrit

Yes which is what I was saying . Men ( the majority of them ) on OLD are not concerned with appearance because they just want sex and when it comes to sex many men are indiscriminate
If she wants men who are concerned with appearance then look for men who want long term but that’s a pretty crappy quality in my opinion if they are overly concerned with women’s appearance as these tend to be the men who will ditch a long term as soon as a younger or ‘hotter ‘ woman comes along
Personally I’d hold out till I found someone with a more balanced view of women … even though those men seem few and far between
A man who looks at a woman as a whole person

A few thoughts, as a man…

A) Maybe men have lower standards because, by your own admission, women like you have “few men (you) find attractive enough to even date in the first place”? I mean, if we’re aware you’re such a sought after prize, then maybe we realise life would be easier and less anxiety- inducing if we settled for someone who’s just simply lovely who we click with?

B) I know a woman who is fit and attractive and is a bit of an entrepreneur. I actually really respect that latter quality. She’s flirted with me a couple of times. I suspect it’s not serious, but, to be honest, I likely wouldn’t reciprocate even if it was. Because - and apologies if this sounds off - my goodness, does she behave like she knows she’s a real catch. And that attitude doesn’t really endear me to her, as much as I respect her success.

@TossaCointoYerWitcher

Are you saying that women with low self esteem are less attractive
(Not saying you are saying that ) but there is data showing men don’t tend to go for women who are smarter more educated higher earners etc so wondering if this translates to wanting someone who will look up to them