Frustrated by men's low standards

[coronaway]

I'm getting increasingly frustrated by men's seemingly low standards when it comes to what they want in a partner and wondered if others had this issue and how they dealt with it? Sorry this may come across a bit ranty...

I think I bring a lot to a relationship (not to sound big headed). I'm very active/fit, switched on, good career, interested in others etc. I'm looking to date someone around my age or a bit older (max 10 years) who is similar to me.

I find it really hard to find someone and if I do it never really progresses. Someone I was very briefly dating has called it a day (we weren't exclusive, only just started dating) so I'm back to square one. For whatever reason it never works out and it's so demoralising as there are few men I find attractive enough to want to date in the first place. What makes it more frustrating is these men don't seem to care much about their dates career, if she is fit, slim etc From what I can see they don't seem to care about much at all. It seems if a woman shows enough interest in them then that is enough.

Why do men who seemingly have a lot to offer have such low standards? I don't understand it! What do I have to do to find someone who I like and is willing to commit?

Urghh it's so demoralising. I've been on the wine tonight so not sure I'm really articulating what I mean but I wanted to vent!

I mean , lot of women seem to be choosing men based on things other than eyes, body shape Legs

[quote ButterflyAway]@Divebar2021 mens opinions are rarely relevant - usually when they announce their arrival on a thread they’re looking for people to fawn over their opinion.[/quote]
Bitter much?

Men's opinions are as welcome as women's. Yours not as much.

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.

On a thread that is specifically discussing men's apparent low standards when dating women. I guess it is better to keep the thread as an echo chamber where the usual suspects can make tediously predictable sweeping generalisations about half the population based on a few well worn tropes and a handful of personal anecdotal observations.

It’s weird because while I’ve certainly seen men not be very discerning about who they sleep with I think we’ve all seen many more examples of slovenly man child types who have a laundry list of requirements for women they want to date. The lists usually start with wanting a 10/10 and includes things like being ladylike, cooking, no nagging etc.

@TossaCointoYerWitcher

A few thoughts, as a man…

A) Maybe men have lower standards because, by your own admission, women like you have “few men (you) find attractive enough to even date in the first place”? I mean, if we’re aware you’re such a sought after prize, then maybe we realise life would be easier and less anxiety- inducing if we settled for someone who’s just simply lovely who we click with?

B) I know a woman who is fit and attractive and is a bit of an entrepreneur. I actually really respect that latter quality. She’s flirted with me a couple of times. I suspect it’s not serious, but, to be honest, I likely wouldn’t reciprocate even if it was. Because - and apologies if this sounds off - my goodness, does she behave like she knows she’s a real catch. And that attitude doesn’t really endear me to her, as much as I respect her success.

It sounds like men don’t like women to behave like most of them do then….

Which i would agree if it wasn’t for the fact it’s extremely hypocritical

I remember an ex of mine told me about a conversation he had with his male work colleagues once, where they were talking about their “type”. He noticed that every single man only described the looks of the woman, none of them mentioned personality or goals etc. He was really struck by it, but I can’t say I was surprised.

I agree with @MintJulia and @MultiStorey unfortunately.

[quote ButterflyAway]@saraclara you’re being a bit ridiculous assuming a stranger has a chip on their shoulder simply because they don’t think the sun shines out a man’s arse. But we all have different opinions when it comes to men [/quote]
I don't have any opinion about 'men' because they're not all one homogeneous mass. I despise sexist generalisations and judge individual men and women I come across on their own merits

It’s logical really, maybe you should lower your standards, it’s hard being perfect

Why do men who seemingly have a lot to offer have such low standards?

Perhaps they don't, perhaps they just don't get on with you. Maybe you come over as a bit intense. Keep looking.

Is it possible your own standards are a little over optimistic? Can anyone realistically live up to your standards?

My husband said that he had seen me around a few times and liked my hair and my figure I have both riots and ass 😂
He plucked up the courage to talk to me in a club
The first question I asked him
Was “ do you smoke “ because no matter how much I might have fancied him , smoking is a dealbreaker for me
He said no . So I took him home we very good sex and got married 3 months later 😂
my husband has always said that most men are quite simple , someone they physically fancied good sex and similar attitude to life
We have been married 22 years and the sex is still good 😂

Sounds like the consensus seems to be that most men are extremely superficial , even men are saying that
I mean I know everyone goes off appearance in the initial moments but it seems women are looking for qualities beyond appearance whereas it seems all the men seem worried about is t and a
This just makes makes me think most men are pretty shit tbh

[quote ButterflyAway]@Divebar2021 mens opinions are rarely relevant - usually when they announce their arrival on a thread they’re looking for people to fawn over their opinion.[/quote]
Careful dear - your bitterness is showing.

Sounds like the consensus seems to be that most men are extremely superficial

Projecting any 'consensus' from the MN relationship boards onto the wider population is the equivalent of drawing conclusions on women from the musings found on the 'Divorced Men' sub Reddit discussion group.

In my experience as a more mature in years mumsnetter, a large percentage of men tend to go for easy on the eye, easy going , and not ‘hard work’ emotionally and ‘allow’ a fair bit of freedom - they also sadly still like women who cook and clean . My H for instance does like really intelligent women but wouldn’t give a shit how fit you are- so long as you can discuss politics, history etc

[quote Counterbottle]@TossaCointoYerWitcher

Are you saying that women with low self esteem are less attractive
(Not saying you are saying that ) but there is data showing men don’t tend to go for women who are smarter more educated higher earners etc so wondering if this translates to wanting someone who will look up to them[/quote]
I can’t speak for all men, just for me, however that’s not what I’d want - I’d feel way too uncomfortable with someone who put me on a pedestal. I’m attracted to people who are confident and comfortable in themselves - just not those who, for want of a better word, come across as arrogant and smug (which, ironically, presumably comes from a place of low self-esteem, I guess).

@ButterflyAway

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.

His comment was relevant.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Sounds like the consensus seems to be that most men are extremely superficial

Projecting any 'consensus' from the MN relationship boards onto the wider population is the equivalent of drawing conclusions on women from the musings found on the 'Divorced Men' sub Reddit discussion group.

Ok let’s not call it ‘ consensus’ and note that many many women and men are saying men are most concerned about how women look Do you think most men are looking for something different ?

This thread is one of the most sexist things I've ever read.

@altmember

This thread is one of the most sexist things I've ever read.

I agree . It’s just horrible seeing women being valued based on their tits and asses

I’m fit-ish and active-ish, but I don’t really think that anyone would be interested in that aspect of me as just how I am,
Also got a good-ish job/career, but so have lots of other men, so again I don’t really see that as a big selling point (for me),

I have recently been ghosted / dumped by a woman who was certainly fitter than me (she was training for a half marathon), and possibly had a more important job (depending on your POV), but that’s just life.

Have also been talking to another lady who certainly has a better career/ job than me, but she had other personal characteristics that were far more interesting, (dog, bike license), unfortunately just too far away.

I think it’s those extra things that really interest me, and a nice smile, (and a dog, and a bike license as well)

Anyone who "decides" to date someone based on a checklist of attributes like career, height, looks, fitness etc. is on a hiding to nothing. If you click, these things don't matter. Why not focus on how you get along, rather than expecting awe and respect for your achievements?

(that sounds harsher than I meant it)

I met a lovely man on OLD. He’s a highly intelligent man with a high-profile career. Intellectually and academically, we are similar (important for me). I asked him what he liked about me, and he said very attractive (elegant, hair, eyes) and intelligence, and that everything else was bonus. But he commented on specific traits that he valued (kindness, empathy, seeing issues fundamental to us in a similar way). Such men exist. Neither of us are materialistic or discuss our achievements. We laugh a lot, he’s incredibly respectful, and treat each other with kindness. I think when you’ve met someone who views you an equal, you know.