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Original poster

Frustrated by men's low standards

199 replies

coronaway · 03/10/2021 23:58

I'm getting increasingly frustrated by men's seemingly low standards when it comes to what they want in a partner and wondered if others had this issue and how they dealt with it? Sorry this may come across a bit ranty...

I think I bring a lot to a relationship (not to sound big headed). I'm very active/fit, switched on, good career, interested in others etc. I'm looking to date someone around my age or a bit older (max 10 years) who is similar to me.

I find it really hard to find someone and if I do it never really progresses. Someone I was very briefly dating has called it a day (we weren't exclusive, only just started dating) so I'm back to square one. For whatever reason it never works out and it's so demoralising as there are few men I find attractive enough to want to date in the first place. What makes it more frustrating is these men don't seem to care much about their dates career, if she is fit, slim etc From what I can see they don't seem to care about much at all. It seems if a woman shows enough interest in them then that is enough.

Why do men who seemingly have a lot to offer have such low standards? I don't understand it! What do I have to do to find someone who I like and is willing to commit?

Urghh it's so demoralising. I've been on the wine tonight so not sure I'm really articulating what I mean but I wanted to vent!

OP posts:
ButterflyAway · 04/10/2021 03:31

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.

1forAll74 · 04/10/2021 04:07

Some men have low standards, but there will be a lot of men, who won't want to be with a woman, who tends to have a list,of what she thinks would be a suitable man for her. You should not go about life, looking for a man, who will be a perfect match for everything that will fit into all your ideals.

I would think that the worst case scenarios, are searching on dating sites when looking for a partner, as you will not know the measure of people straight away, and will have to wait for some time, to get the true measure of a person, and to see if you both have a good fit in all ways.

hellywelly3 · 04/10/2021 05:12

Men (in general) like women who build up their ego. Someone who tells them how wonderful they are.

RantyAunty · 04/10/2021 05:43

Men just like someone that makes them look good to their friends.
Appearance
Likes sex
Puts him first

CoalTit · 04/10/2021 06:11

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion
A man's opinion is relevant in this case, isn't it?

chocolateorangeinhaler · 04/10/2021 06:38

Are you saying you're the most attractive thing ever. All other women are slovenly pigs with mustaches and men should all be breathing a path to your door?

You do know your a narcissist don't you.

anon12345678901 · 04/10/2021 06:55

@ButterflyAway

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.
What a stupid comment, this is talking about men so why can't a man express an opinion. FFS.
RosieGuacamosie · 04/10/2021 06:57

Could it be coming across to these guys that you think you’re better than other women?

JustGiveMeGin · 04/10/2021 07:01

Oh do get a grip @ButterflyAway, his opinion was relevant and hardly controversial.
OP, I am assuming that because you are slim with a decent career you feel professional men should be hammering your door down? I actually agree with you that most men do not have the same standards as women when it comes to relationships however something about the way you've written your post gets my back up.
Are you fun, a good conversationalist? Any hobbies outside of the gym/work that you are passionate about? Or are they simply meant to be enamoured with your career and gym body?
I am overweight with a shitty job (definitely not a career) and have had my pick of blokes to have a relationship with pre husband, if you are the one struggling perhaps the problem isn't everyone else.

Holly60 · 04/10/2021 07:06

To be honest it feels like you are annoyed that the men you are dating don’t seem to have felt that spark with you, and you are blaming them for it.

Maybe the men you fancy just didn’t fancy you back, for whatever reason. I don’t think my DH was bothered that I had a good career or whether I was fit and slim. He WAS attracted to my outgoing and confident personality. In the same way that I didn’t really worry too much about his career, except to glean that he was happy in it and it made him a pleasant person to be around.

Holly60 · 04/10/2021 07:11

Also yes if a man posted and said, I went out with a woman last night and she didn’t fancy me so I think she must have such LOW standards - 👀

Spiindoctor · 04/10/2021 07:13

I think it might be that most professional men get snapped up at uni.
So if you're still looking after that many have already gone.

IWillFindYou · 04/10/2021 07:15

@ButterflyAway

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.
Yep.
lnsufficientFuns · 04/10/2021 07:21

@ButterflyAway

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.
Fool.
Divebar2021 · 04/10/2021 07:26

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion

A whole thread about “why men do something” and you don’t think a male opinion is relevant?

saraclara · 04/10/2021 07:30

@ButterflyAway

Oh look, a man has come to announce his opinion.
Yes. Men are allowed to post on mumsnet. And his post was relevant and informative.

If you want a women only board you need to look elsewhere.

TumtumTree · 04/10/2021 07:35

OP, I think it's not so much all men who are like this, as the men who are prevalent on OLD? My DH appreciates the fact that I'm intelligent and have a good career. It may not be a coincidence that we met at work! Maybe try ways of meeting men through your interests etc?

secretrugbyfan · 04/10/2021 07:38

Hello OP

My view is that men have different standards, rather than lower standards. It has been stated that women look for a man to be a provider and that men look for someone they can have children with. Before I am shot down in flames, this is behaviour theory, rather than anything else.

In your description of yourself, you seem to fit the 'provider' role, but you are looking for the same (active/fit, switched on, good career, interested in others).

Men will not look at you for your career, or for how fast you can run/swim/ride a bike etc.....that may be of interest later in the relationship, but initially it will be a physical attraction.....whether they are looking at your eyes, body shape, legs, smile etc that will depend on what the individual notices first.

You could try asking the male half of couples that you know 'What first attracted you to xx?' and see what they say. You won't get many that say 'Yes, it was her PhD in Astrophysics....' You are more likely to get 'Her smile' or 'I saw her walk into the room and that was it' or similar responses. This is what males look for, because, deep in our subconscious, this is what we are programmed to do.

This doesn't make your view incorrect or wrong, You just need to understand what men look for.

ButterflyAway · 04/10/2021 07:40

@Divebar2021 mens opinions are rarely relevant - usually when they announce their arrival on a thread they’re looking for people to fawn over their opinion.

froggy45 · 04/10/2021 07:46

It's nice that you think you're such a catch but you lost me at the bit where you said 'men don't care if someone is slim or fit' - why is that an important stipulation? Are slim, fit people more worthy of love?

Lessthanaballpark · 04/10/2021 07:47

mens opinions are rarely relevant - usually when they announce their arrival on a thread they’re looking for people to fawn over their opinion.

The poor bloke had to announce he was a man because it is a thread about what men think!

Honestly don’t be such a prat.

BlueberrySugar · 04/10/2021 07:51

The problem is you put yourself up on a high pedestal and to me it sounds like you think you are somewhat better than these other women.

A bit like, if they chose someone over you who had a lower paid job for example you'd be classing that man to have low standards.

I could've got it wrong, but that's how it has came across to me.

saraclara · 04/10/2021 07:58

If I saw an OP by a man, with the title 'Frustrated by women's low standards' you bet your life I'd want to post on it. And probably not as calmly and rationally as the man on this thread did.

You're being ridiculous and seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder @ButterflyAway

ButterflyAway · 04/10/2021 08:04

@saraclara you’re being a bit ridiculous assuming a stranger has a chip on their shoulder simply because they don’t think the sun shines out a man’s arse. But we all have different opinions when it comes to men Smile

Counterbottle · 04/10/2021 08:05

@secretrugbyfan

Hello OP

My view is that men have different standards, rather than lower standards. It has been stated that women look for a man to be a provider and that men look for someone they can have children with. Before I am shot down in flames, this is behaviour theory, rather than anything else.

In your description of yourself, you seem to fit the 'provider' role, but you are looking for the same (active/fit, switched on, good career, interested in others).

Men will not look at you for your career, or for how fast you can run/swim/ride a bike etc.....that may be of interest later in the relationship, but initially it will be a physical attraction.....whether they are looking at your eyes, body shape, legs, smile etc that will depend on what the individual notices first.

You could try asking the male half of couples that you know 'What first attracted you to xx?' and see what they say. You won't get many that say 'Yes, it was her PhD in Astrophysics....' You are more likely to get 'Her smile' or 'I saw her walk into the room and that was it' or similar responses. This is what males look for, because, deep in our subconscious, this is what we are programmed to do.

This doesn't make your view incorrect or wrong, You just need to understand what men look for.

How about women’s kindness intelligence life experiences , all of which can be ascertained pretty early on or are you saying men are all about the superficial