He said he would rather the money

[Disapoint]

I know it’s early but I woke up to this message and now can’t sleep. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, it was recently his birthday and he moved away from family and friends to be here for work so he was basically alone for his birthday.

He lost his job here and got another lower paid job, we don’t live together but I knew he was really struggling. He really wanted a certain present, I knew he couldn’t afford it so I decided to give him the money for it for his birthday. £200, I earn more than him and he always always treated me just because when he was working. He said he was spending the day with me so I brought some balloons, banners, some cupcakes with his football team, a bottle of his favourite alcohol and a takeaway. Not expensive but at least another £50. We had a lovely day, or so it seemed. He said thank you and all the right noises when I gave him his gifts and money. He wasn’t expecting it.

I just woke up to a text saying it’s really awkward but he’s struggling he would rather the money that I spent aswell! He said the cakes were nice but he also doesn’t really like cakes. I honestly am just…. He’s never been like this before. I don’t know what to reply

What he wants you to give him £50 that you’ve already spent????

No he just said rather than the extra bits he would of rather had the cash

Huh? He wants you to give him the equivalent of what you spent on cakes and balloons to him too?

I don't know if I could come back from that. You made an effort and he'd rather you'd have just given him your money you spent trying to make him feel special on his birthday instead. That's rough.

Oh. Well that’s pretty rude of him, there’s not much point saying that to someone when they’ve already spent it.

So he wants the £200 to keep and not buy the gift, and what, swap the cakes and booze for cash??

@GummyBearWhere

Huh? He wants you to give him the equivalent of what you spent on cakes and balloons to him too?

I think OP meant he wishes she hadn't bothered with the takeaway etc and had just upped his gift to £250 or whatever equivalent she spent.

So he wants more money? Or is he saying next time he’d rather you just gave him the money?
If I was struggling financially and someone gave me £200 to buy a watch (for example) I think I would also ask if they minded if I spent the money on bills and bought the watch at a later date.

Yes sorry I’m not good in the early hours. He’s basically saying rather than all birthday crap he wishes I never bothered and gave him the equivalent spent. I feel like it’s so rude, I made an effort. Not a massive one but still pretty thoughtful

Honestly I gave him the money to do what he wants, I know he can cover all his bills but no money for treats. He’s mentioned this for ages but I didn’t buy the item just so he had the choice to do whatever

That’s so rude.

I’d be tempted to reply saying that he shouldn’t have bothered expressing how unappreciative he is and you’d rather he just said thank you.

That would be it for me, and I hope it is for you. He's ungrateful and rude. All he had to do was accept your generosity graciously, and he couldn't even manage that. What a fuckwit.

What you did sounds lovely! Even if he's thinking he'd rather the cash there was no need to share that with you.

Is he perhaps struggling even more than he's let on?

He's a money grabber OP, I'd be so out off over this

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but he’s said he can pay his bills. Prior to this he would surprise me with spa days or little gifts so I never thought he was like this. I am seriously out off I just can’t believe someone could be so ungrateful

Yeah, cut your losses!

I would just send a message back saying 'why did you text me this?'
I'm not sure what he was hoping to achieve with that text.

If it was a cry for help or he wanted to borrow money, he should have called not texted. He also shouldn't have complained about or even mentioned not liking the cakes.

If it was just to express his lack of appreciation then the only thing that really achieves is hurting your feelings and putting a wedge between you.

That's really rude and hurtful too. I could understand him asking if he can use the £200 for bills/food, but telling you he wished you'd just given him £250, instead of £200 & a birthday meal together is really hurtful. What kind of person goes out of their way to hurt you like that? The money's already spent, you can't change it, you've been really generous and thoughtful and he's gone out of his way to hurt you with something that really didn't need to be said at all.

What kind of person goes out of their way to hurt you like that? The money's already spent, you can't change it, you've been really generous and thoughtful and he's gone out of his way to hurt you with something that really didn't need to be said at all.

Exactly this. He's gone out of his way to hurt your deliberately, for a reason no decent person could possibly imagine. Consider this a warning shot.

What an arsehole! Have you replied yet OP?

What a dick. I wouldn’t even reply. Just ignore it and wait until he messages / calls again and decide how to proceed then.

I haven’t replied yet. Wish I could get my money back ha! Hopefully I can get some sleep then reply in the morning.

Hi op, you don't reply just block and delete. He isn't worth your time. How ungrateful of him, he sounds a self centred person and his behaviour will only get worse over time.

What an ungrateful bastard! Dump him now!

Ugh, tell the prick to fuck off.