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Relationships

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Original poster

He said he would rather the money

493 replies

Disapoint · 29/09/2021 04:07

I know it’s early but I woke up to this message and now can’t sleep. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, it was recently his birthday and he moved away from family and friends to be here for work so he was basically alone for his birthday.

He lost his job here and got another lower paid job, we don’t live together but I knew he was really struggling. He really wanted a certain present, I knew he couldn’t afford it so I decided to give him the money for it for his birthday. £200, I earn more than him and he always always treated me just because when he was working. He said he was spending the day with me so I brought some balloons, banners, some cupcakes with his football team, a bottle of his favourite alcohol and a takeaway. Not expensive but at least another £50. We had a lovely day, or so it seemed. He said thank you and all the right noises when I gave him his gifts and money. He wasn’t expecting it.

I just woke up to a text saying it’s really awkward but he’s struggling he would rather the money that I spent aswell! He said the cakes were nice but he also doesn’t really like cakes. I honestly am just…. He’s never been like this before. I don’t know what to reply

OP posts:

DottyHarmer · 30/09/2021 16:12

@Disapoint - I’m sorry.

I’m usually one to think people are too hasty to urge dumping a man (for the many trivial MN things, not really bad behaviour, of course) but in this case I can’t see how he could backpedal from revealing himself to be greedy and grasping.

Original poster

Disapoint · 30/09/2021 16:16

Thank you everyone for your kind messages I really really appreciate it. I feel okay surprisingly

OP posts:

IWantT0BreakFree · 30/09/2021 16:25

I get it. It’s a complete insult. Where do you draw the line with it too? Would he rather you never spend any money on socialising together and just give him the cash you would have spent instead? Let’s not go to the cinema, I’ll give you the £20 and we won’t spend time together or we’ll just sit on the sofa.

Tbh I wouldn’t have dumped my boyfriend (now DH) over a one-off episode of being a complete arse. Suspect I’ve been an arse on many an occasion over the years too and he’s got past it. But if you’re not feeling bad about the split then that would indicate you’ve made the right decision for you and maybe it’s not this one thing, maybe it’s wider issues. Or maybe you’re just not that into him. Whatever it is, life is too short to be in relationships that don’t make you happy.

fidgetmad · 30/09/2021 16:34

You deserve so much better @Disapoint I'm sure you'll meet someone lovely who deserves the effort!

Maybe a bit petty but I'd be tempted to send him the link to this thread so he can see how badly it's actually come across!!

fidgetmad · 30/09/2021 16:34

You deserve so much better @Disapoint I'm sure you'll meet someone lovely who deserves the effort!

Maybe a bit petty but I'd be tempted to send him the link to this thread so he can see how badly it's actually come across!!

Mudday · 30/09/2021 19:44

Well, this is one heck of a long post to get through eh? Pretty sure you knew from the outset what to think but needed a little (now massive!) reassurance. You are not a soulless ever so practical bank, you are his girlfriend. Personal random gestures and gifts are an essential part of loving someone, the magical stuff we all remember, and your thoughtfulness should be endearing and appreciated rather than chucked into a boring balance sheet. Find someone fun who you can enjoy adventures with and ditch this tedious unimaginative snail. Like really, there's a big world out there, don't settle for the ditch.

MusicTeacherSussex · 30/09/2021 23:25

@Disapoint

I did end things with him. He’s sent me a long message saying he didn’t mean for things to come across that way. But I honestly feel over it and him, he just came across badly and like some people say he clearly wasn’t that into me in the first place. I felt that anyway but wanted to make an effort

I suppose he didn't. But the reason you ended it in my thoughts is because her typed it, reread it, then thought "yeah I'm happy with that" and sent it. He should have realised he would hurt you after your frankly lovely efforts to please him. It's not like you hired a venue, live band and caterer is it? It's your cash and to give him 200 quid then splash a bit on cake, drinks and a banner is basically a lovely thing to do. I hope he feels like a massive cunt. I'm sorry you had to end it... but if that's his way if communicating you've saved yourself from a lifetime of hurt.

CrumpetStrumpet · 01/10/2021 05:30

Late to the party but just wanted to say well done for getting rid. He's rude, entitled and broke AF. NEXT!!!

TopBlogger · 01/10/2021 08:57

The only half decent thing he can do now to show he isnt a complete CF is to give you back the £200 somehow. I would be too ashamed to not reimburse someone that after splitting up days after. Beg, borrow or steal... but then like most I have a moral compass (so stealing is out )

holrosea · 01/10/2021 10:26

Hand hold OP - even if you don't feel that sad (good) it's never nice to break up with someone or to be made to feel unappreciated.

I reiterate that balloons and cakes for someone's birthday is a lovely thing to do (and £200 is a very generous gift) - he clearly didn't deserve you and I hope that your next partner says "Balloons? Cake? For me?! You're amazing!".

Pemba · 01/10/2021 14:17

You should ask for the £200 back, tell him you'll accept it in installments if necessary! He should feel embarrassed to keep the money, but somehow I don't think he will as he's not a good person.

But yeah, shame him by asking. And if and when you don't get it back you could think of it as a small price to pay for the revalation of his true character and the truth about your relationship.

Morgoth · 01/10/2021 17:25

I’m so so sorry OP. Sounds like what you did for him was lovely and thoughtful. You will find someone so much better, someone who values you and treats you well. Consider the £200 (which he should give back but he wont as he obviously has no shame or integrity) a small price to pay for having him out of your life.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/10/2021 18:34

"Thanks for the half arsed apology but I'd rather have the cash equivalent. Let's call it £200."

SparklingLime · 01/10/2021 19:07

@youvegottenminuteslynn

"Thanks for the half arsed apology but I'd rather have the cash equivalent. Let's call it £200."

Brilliant! You’ve handled this so well, OP. Hope you’re feeling OK.

ironorchids · 03/10/2021 02:09

@youvegottenminuteslynn

"Thanks for the half arsed apology but I'd rather have the cash equivalent. Let's call it £200."

^This!!!

So glad you've let go of this ingrate!

Onwards and upwards

Notashandyta · 03/10/2021 11:59

If he's always been generous in the past, I would think he's fallen on hard times with the loss of the first job, and is pretty desperate for money.
It's not a nice place to be...

WhoIsPepeSilva · 03/10/2021 17:03

Not struggling so much that your generous gift of £200 went towards bills, food or emergency funds though was he? No, he's struggling that much that the cash went on something fun

Cheeky fucker! Glad you got rid @Disapoint what an ungrateful thing to say after you had done so much for him.

kevinpromp · 26/03/2022 12:17

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