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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner angry about his food serving

297 replies

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:24

Please tell me if I am BU.

For context, my partner has a small appetite, rarely finishes the food on his plate, I normally always eat more than him.

We have been out and just got home, I told him on the way home I was starving.

Our dinner for this evening was preplanned, filled pasta, drained and served with pan fried cherry tomatoes and mushrooms and then a pesto and crepe fraiche sauce stirred in, topped with Parmesan and served with garlic bread.

In the car home I had said that I would cook both packs of pasta and he said, good idea as one pack isn't really big enough for two but too much for one.

So we arrive home and I cook dinner, I served up two generous portions and there were about 3 pieces of pasta left so I put them into my bowl and truly thought he wouldn't even finish his serving.

I put them on the table but the wrong way around and said "oh sorry, I put a bit more in mine as I'm so hungry". He looked put out, so I apologised and said, you're welcome to it, honestly it's no big deal, I just didn't think you would eat it all. He refused, so I ate mine.

I could tell he was pissed off as he went quiet and cold and left food on his plate. So I asked him if he hadn't enjoyed his dinner and he said he's pissed off with me, that he would never do that to me and it was so rude to take a bigger serving. So I said sorry again, and it honestly was a split moment decision after I had already served two generous portions. I reminded him that I said at the time, it's no big deal you have got the big portion.

He then said I served him up "the scraps", all the mushrooms and tomatoes but I honestly didn't. It was two equal and large portions,

With hindsight, I should have served up and said there's a few bits left, do you want them? But it was a genuine split second decision and not malicious or calculated at all, which he seems to be implying.

We had a huge row on Thursday night because he was angry that when he likes to chat about the news or TV programmes that are on, I don't chat back and seem irritated. To be fair, I am, he continually asks questions and asks me to pause and rewind even when I've answered him. I just want to watch the bloody programme.

Anyway, he's upset me with a huge over reaction to three bits of pasta and I got upset and went upstairs.

He's come up since I started this post to make up and I said to him. I apologised before either of us had taken a mouthful and offered him the bigger plate. It pisses me off that he let me eat it and then causes a drama. Apparently that's the wrong answer. I should accept his approach to reconcile. I was in the wrong, I've behaved badly, I'm rude, I deliberately served him a quarter bowl of food and took the rest. What's wrong with you?

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen. I'm shit at relationships. It's my way or the way.

I know I made an initial mistake but really this is horrific.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 18/09/2021 20:25

Yanbu

ofwarren · 18/09/2021 20:26

OP, it's not you with the problem here. He sounds like a dick.

MichelleScarn · 18/09/2021 20:26

Thats bloody awful, do you feel safe? Why have you had to lock the door?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 18/09/2021 20:26

In general men need more calories than women. But he seems like hard work and there is more to it than that.

WoozySnoozy · 18/09/2021 20:26

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen.

Leave him you shouldn't have to lock yourself away to feel safe

RiotAtTheRodeo · 18/09/2021 20:26

Obviously he was gearing up for a fight and the rogue ravioli gave him the excuse he was looking for.

Do you think you're generally incompatible?

pelosi · 18/09/2021 20:27

YANBU. It’s scary how it’s escalated.

Do you feel safe? Can you call someone to come over?

I’m guessing something similar has happened before?

WandaVision2 · 18/09/2021 20:27

What are you getting out of this relationship? He sounds awful!

SpittinKitten · 18/09/2021 20:27

You've had to lock yourself in the bathroom because he's ranting? You're definitely not the unreasonable one.

Stath · 18/09/2021 20:27

Jesus, he sounds hard work.
He’s shouting at you and you’re having to lock yourself in the bathroom? Why are you with him?
Do you have DC?

Bagelsandbrie · 18/09/2021 20:27

Well he sounds fun. Confused

What positive qualities does he have?!

He sounds like an arse.

MaskingForIt · 18/09/2021 20:27

Do you actually want to be in this relationship anymore? Do you want to bring children into this sort of environment? Is it time to throw this one back and move on with your lives in different directions?

MichelleScarn · 18/09/2021 20:28

It's ridiculous! Is this his usual reaction to things?

Notimeforaname · 18/09/2021 20:28

What a child. He needs to go counselling. Not a normal reaction

Thisismysexboardname · 18/09/2021 20:28

Bin him off. You dont need pasta related wierdness in your life. This wouldnt be an issue in any other household. 3 pieces of pasta fgs

Beamur · 18/09/2021 20:29

It's not really about food is it? Is he controlling in other ways?

Pluckyduck · 18/09/2021 20:30

Right well so many things wrong here. He sounds like a controlling shit. You don’t seem compatible at all. If it was me if would have put his portion in the bin for being is bloody ungrateful but I’m tired of this type of shit...
Seriously though what is the point of this? Does this make you happy? Because it sounds soul destroying. Get rid of him and eat and cook whatever the hell you want without the fear of upsetting someone else. This is just a bowl of pasta, what on earth is he like with actual serious issues. I couldn’t live like this OP, life is too short.

Singleparentstruggles · 18/09/2021 20:30

It's the bigger picture you need to look at. Not the triviality of what he's pissed off about, it's how he's gone about it..
I think you know what he is.

Daphnise · 18/09/2021 20:31

You ate two packets of pasta? (Just checked the post; it did say two packets)
I would have thought that would feed about six.

Leaving that aside, don't pander to a whiny partner-it'll never end!

KirstenBlest · 18/09/2021 20:31

Do you live together and do you have children?

Sparklfairy · 18/09/2021 20:31

What on earth?

He didn't even finish his 'smaller' portion?
He waited til you had finished, so gave you enough rope to hang yourself with so he could have an excuse to sulk?
He tells you when and how to accept his reconciliation "attempt"?
You've ended up locking yourself in the bathroom to get away from him?
Hes still ranting?

Ffs leave him.

Didiusfalco · 18/09/2021 20:31

I’m going to say that as you fought on Thursday and he’s kicking off about pasta he wants the relationship to end but he’s trying to put it in you. Nobody cares that much about pasta.

mummaelle · 18/09/2021 20:31

Small man syndrome 🤝

AntiSocialDistancer · 18/09/2021 20:32

Worried for you if you've had to shut yourself away and he's shouting through the door. He's pathetic, he wont change.

Call 101 if you're feeling unsafe tonight at any point or can't come out of the bathroom if he's still raging. The police will likely help him move on and sleep somewhere else tonight.

Sparklfairy · 18/09/2021 20:33

@Daphnise please don't be stupid and disingenuous. A packet of fresh filled pasta has per 1/2 pack as a serving most of the time.

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