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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner angry about his food serving

297 replies

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:24

Please tell me if I am BU.

For context, my partner has a small appetite, rarely finishes the food on his plate, I normally always eat more than him.

We have been out and just got home, I told him on the way home I was starving.

Our dinner for this evening was preplanned, filled pasta, drained and served with pan fried cherry tomatoes and mushrooms and then a pesto and crepe fraiche sauce stirred in, topped with Parmesan and served with garlic bread.

In the car home I had said that I would cook both packs of pasta and he said, good idea as one pack isn't really big enough for two but too much for one.

So we arrive home and I cook dinner, I served up two generous portions and there were about 3 pieces of pasta left so I put them into my bowl and truly thought he wouldn't even finish his serving.

I put them on the table but the wrong way around and said "oh sorry, I put a bit more in mine as I'm so hungry". He looked put out, so I apologised and said, you're welcome to it, honestly it's no big deal, I just didn't think you would eat it all. He refused, so I ate mine.

I could tell he was pissed off as he went quiet and cold and left food on his plate. So I asked him if he hadn't enjoyed his dinner and he said he's pissed off with me, that he would never do that to me and it was so rude to take a bigger serving. So I said sorry again, and it honestly was a split moment decision after I had already served two generous portions. I reminded him that I said at the time, it's no big deal you have got the big portion.

He then said I served him up "the scraps", all the mushrooms and tomatoes but I honestly didn't. It was two equal and large portions,

With hindsight, I should have served up and said there's a few bits left, do you want them? But it was a genuine split second decision and not malicious or calculated at all, which he seems to be implying.

We had a huge row on Thursday night because he was angry that when he likes to chat about the news or TV programmes that are on, I don't chat back and seem irritated. To be fair, I am, he continually asks questions and asks me to pause and rewind even when I've answered him. I just want to watch the bloody programme.

Anyway, he's upset me with a huge over reaction to three bits of pasta and I got upset and went upstairs.

He's come up since I started this post to make up and I said to him. I apologised before either of us had taken a mouthful and offered him the bigger plate. It pisses me off that he let me eat it and then causes a drama. Apparently that's the wrong answer. I should accept his approach to reconcile. I was in the wrong, I've behaved badly, I'm rude, I deliberately served him a quarter bowl of food and took the rest. What's wrong with you?

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen. I'm shit at relationships. It's my way or the way.

I know I made an initial mistake but really this is horrific.

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 18/09/2021 20:33

Gas lighting 😬

SuperCaliFragalistic · 18/09/2021 20:34

God he sounds awful. A relationship where you have to walk on eggshells is a shit relationship.

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:34

We are both older, DCs grown up. He kept ranting, I've been in an abusive relationship before and shouting/confrontation scares me. I just have to escape from it. He knows that.

It's my house and come out to my car to get away. I heard him lock the door and put the chain on as I went out. So he locked me out of my home.

I'm not sure we are compatible, I feel like I'm constantly trying to keep him happy and judge his moods but he tells me it's the reverse and that's how he is around me. I've genuinely lost sight of whether the issue is me or not.

We had an argument a few weeks ago and he kicked a full water bottle which hit my leg. To me, that's totally out of order and worrying that he can't control his anger. His reaction, it's a water bottle ffs.

OP posts:
NotReallyAPrincess · 18/09/2021 20:34

Two packets of filled pasta, @Daphnise

OP: bin him off, he is nasty to you. It’s not about the pasta.

Comedycook · 18/09/2021 20:34

@Daphnise

You ate two packets of pasta? (Just checked the post; it did say two packets) I would have thought that would feed about six.

Leaving that aside, don't pander to a whiny partner-it'll never end!

Irrelevant...but I think the op is talking about those packs of tortellini...she's right, not enough for two but too much for one.

Anyway...he sounds unhinged. I hope you're safe. He sounds like the kind of guy who will find any reason to start a fight..

pinkyredrose · 18/09/2021 20:35

Get rid of this strange cunt. Do you really want to be with someone who makes you hide in the bathroom while they shout shit on the other side?

Pluckyduck · 18/09/2021 20:36

Unfortunately OP you are in another abusive relationship.
And I’m bloody livid on your behalf that he’s locked out out your own house how dare he!
Call the police and get this man out of your life. It’s escalating and you know it, you’ve seen it happen before.

ChimChimeny · 18/09/2021 20:36

Please leave him. I hope you mean 'your house' as in he doesn't live there in which case it should be easier.

If he does indeed live there but has no claim on it change the locks when he's out.

MrsColon · 18/09/2021 20:37

He sounds really nasty. Bin him off, his behaviour is awful and it's clearly not a one-off.

2020nymph · 18/09/2021 20:37

Sorry you're going through this, you don't deserve it and can do so much better.

SylvanasWindrunner · 18/09/2021 20:37

Get out now, OP. If it's your house, tell him to leave or you'll call the police. Abusive shit.

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:38

He said if I'd just accepted his attempt to reconcile then it would have been over and I am the one who escalates everything. But he escalated by not accepting my immediate apology and offer of the bigger portion.

I don't think I'm wrong to point that out, am I?

OP posts:
WoozySnoozy · 18/09/2021 20:38

He has locked you out over pasta?

Please contact women's aid if you need help to leave. Stay safe Flowers

Comedycook · 18/09/2021 20:39

@vinballs

He said if I'd just accepted his attempt to reconcile then it would have been over and I am the one who escalates everything. But he escalated by not accepting my immediate apology and offer of the bigger portion.

I don't think I'm wrong to point that out, am I?

No but you won't "win" this. The actual issue is irrelevant. He wants a fight
NowEvenBetter · 18/09/2021 20:40

Call the police to remove him. Dump him and reassess what on earth you’re doing with your life.

Pluckyduck · 18/09/2021 20:40

You will drive yourself mad trying to see sense in this and what he’s doing. But there isn’t any. It’s not worth trying, it’s not going to work out. He is another abusive partner.
It’s over, he’s nasty, and he’s just locked you out of your own house ffs! This man doesn’t give a shit!

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:41

I'm in my car parked around the corner but can see our garage where his car is. I think he's leaving in his car, so I will go back into my home.

I own the house and he pays me rent and bill money. We have lived with each other for 18 months. For the first year, he just paid bills as he had moved back to the UK from overseas and didn't have a job. Although nearly £200k in the bank. I'm a mug aren't I?

OP posts:
Beamur · 18/09/2021 20:43

He sounds awful OP.

PaperhouseLegs · 18/09/2021 20:43

He's locked you out of your own house?! AngryShock
Dump the gaslighting fucker. He won't accept he has done anything wrong, it will be all your fault. If he won't let you in, call the police. This isn't a healthy relationship, you deserve better.

pinkyredrose · 18/09/2021 20:43

I'm not sure we are compatible Understatement of the year! It's your house so ask him to leave tomorrow. You should feel safe in your own home.

RandomMess · 18/09/2021 20:43

Well you've sent he light now.

Pack him a bag, leave it in the garage. Lock him out by leaving keys in the lock etc and tell him it's over and he's not to return.

Tomorrow get a locksmith or a friend to buy you new locks and fit them yourself. Swapping like for like is easy.

Get some friends help move all his stuff into the garage ASAP

notacooldad · 18/09/2021 20:44

You ate two packets of pasta? (Just checked the post; it did say two packets)
I would have thought that would feed about six

Irrelevant.
The issue is boyfriend s behaviour towards the OP.
Ranting so much you have locked yourself in the bathroom. Absolutely disgraceful of him to react like this over bloody pasta!!

It's not on and to be honest I wouldn't be with someone who treated me like that.

Pluckyduck · 18/09/2021 20:44

No you’re not a mug as you are recognising what’s going on now. You can see this isn’t right in any way. When he leaves, go back in your home and lock the doors. If he returns call the police, tomorrow change the locks. Protect yourself.

Yummymummy2020 · 18/09/2021 20:45

His behaviour is dreadful op!!!

Sciurus83 · 18/09/2021 20:45

Get rid of him. He is abusive and was looking for any reason. Get him the hell out of your house and change the locks and never ask anyone ever again whether you are being unreasonable. You are not. Get him out

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