Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner angry about his food serving

297 replies

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:24

Please tell me if I am BU.

For context, my partner has a small appetite, rarely finishes the food on his plate, I normally always eat more than him.

We have been out and just got home, I told him on the way home I was starving.

Our dinner for this evening was preplanned, filled pasta, drained and served with pan fried cherry tomatoes and mushrooms and then a pesto and crepe fraiche sauce stirred in, topped with Parmesan and served with garlic bread.

In the car home I had said that I would cook both packs of pasta and he said, good idea as one pack isn't really big enough for two but too much for one.

So we arrive home and I cook dinner, I served up two generous portions and there were about 3 pieces of pasta left so I put them into my bowl and truly thought he wouldn't even finish his serving.

I put them on the table but the wrong way around and said "oh sorry, I put a bit more in mine as I'm so hungry". He looked put out, so I apologised and said, you're welcome to it, honestly it's no big deal, I just didn't think you would eat it all. He refused, so I ate mine.

I could tell he was pissed off as he went quiet and cold and left food on his plate. So I asked him if he hadn't enjoyed his dinner and he said he's pissed off with me, that he would never do that to me and it was so rude to take a bigger serving. So I said sorry again, and it honestly was a split moment decision after I had already served two generous portions. I reminded him that I said at the time, it's no big deal you have got the big portion.

He then said I served him up "the scraps", all the mushrooms and tomatoes but I honestly didn't. It was two equal and large portions,

With hindsight, I should have served up and said there's a few bits left, do you want them? But it was a genuine split second decision and not malicious or calculated at all, which he seems to be implying.

We had a huge row on Thursday night because he was angry that when he likes to chat about the news or TV programmes that are on, I don't chat back and seem irritated. To be fair, I am, he continually asks questions and asks me to pause and rewind even when I've answered him. I just want to watch the bloody programme.

Anyway, he's upset me with a huge over reaction to three bits of pasta and I got upset and went upstairs.

He's come up since I started this post to make up and I said to him. I apologised before either of us had taken a mouthful and offered him the bigger plate. It pisses me off that he let me eat it and then causes a drama. Apparently that's the wrong answer. I should accept his approach to reconcile. I was in the wrong, I've behaved badly, I'm rude, I deliberately served him a quarter bowl of food and took the rest. What's wrong with you?

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen. I'm shit at relationships. It's my way or the way.

I know I made an initial mistake but really this is horrific.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 19/09/2021 15:30

@RampantIvy

We buy the 250g bags of tortellini and I serve one pack between the two of us, tossed in pesto, and served with salad. I pack each is a lot.

And, I'm not a competitive under eater

Doesn't make any difference what you eat though does it? Unless you are now the food police?
knittingaddict · 19/09/2021 15:32

@RampantIvy

We buy the 250g bags of tortellini and I serve one pack between the two of us, tossed in pesto, and served with salad. I pack each is a lot.

And, I'm not a competitive under eater

And you know how big the bags that the op bought were? How exactly?
cricketmum84 · 19/09/2021 15:35

I could have actually put money on how long it would take for the MN competitive under eaters to join this thread.

OP - those two packs of pasta should have lasted the two of you 23 days I'll have you know.

One of those supermarket packs of fresh filled ravioli would fill my husband alone! And he would probably still be hungry 😂

ZZGirl · 19/09/2021 15:39

@RampantIvy

We buy the 250g bags of tortellini and I serve one pack between the two of us, tossed in pesto, and served with salad. I pack each is a lot.

And, I'm not a competitive under eater

Not the point of the thread.
billy1966 · 19/09/2021 15:39

Those packets of fresh stuffed ravioli are often only 250grams.

For 6 of us I would put on 8 packets and we would polish it off AND I would usually toss it in homemade pesto and 500mls of cream warmed up....

The diet is going great here!

WoozySnoozy · 19/09/2021 15:42

@RampantIvy

We buy the 250g bags of tortellini and I serve one pack between the two of us, tossed in pesto, and served with salad. I pack each is a lot.

And, I'm not a competitive under eater

The size of the portion is pretty irrelevant here.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/09/2021 15:44

250g of fresh filled pasta is about 600 calories. With a low calorie sauce that's a perfectly respectable dinner.
300 calories of pasta for an adult for dinner is a very small portion, even if you add cream or whatever to it.

RampantIvy · 19/09/2021 15:48

I know my post wasn't the point of the thread. I was responding to Daphnise.

I answered further upthread, and my point was relevant.

Divebar2021 · 19/09/2021 15:50

So on a thread about domestic abuse posters are discussing calories? Hmm

HarrisonStickle · 19/09/2021 15:52

@vinballs

I'm in my car parked around the corner but can see our garage where his car is. I think he's leaving in his car, so I will go back into my home.

I own the house and he pays me rent and bill money. We have lived with each other for 18 months. For the first year, he just paid bills as he had moved back to the UK from overseas and didn't have a job. Although nearly £200k in the bank. I'm a mug aren't I?

You're not a mug, it's been 18 months, you've finally had enough and you're getting rid. That's how these things go. You may have been a mug if you hadn't made the decision to ditch him and continue in this relationship, but you haven't. Well done, OP. Flowers
QueenBee52 · 19/09/2021 16:55

@Divebar2021

So on a thread about domestic abuse posters are discussing calories? Hmm

its really appalling ...

Im baffled by this too... its passive aggressive victim blaming albeit in disguise

TheFoundations · 19/09/2021 18:18

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen. I'm shit at relationships. It's my way or the way

This isn't ok even when you've done something really bad. He should still respect your need for some space, and you shouldn't have to ask for it in words if you've gone into the bathroom and locked the door.

You haven't done anything wrong, and even with his manipulations (waiting until it was too late to speak, fabricating that you served him 'scraps'), his big argument here is that that his dinner wasn't big enough. That's a 3 year old's argument. It's laughable, and if that's all he can come up with when he fancies a whinge, he's living the dream.

Can you imagine him behaving like this if you'd gone round to a friend's house for dinner? No - because it's completely unacceptable, and he knows it.

Next thing will be him having a tantrum because his sock has twisted the wrong way, or he's dropped his fruit pastilles.

Doesn't this turn you off him altogether? How exactly do you think you've been unreasonable?

MichelleScarn · 19/09/2021 18:23

@Divebar2021

So on a thread about domestic abuse posters are discussing calories? Hmm
Agree with this and QueenBee I was wondering what thread I was on with all the pasta portion shaming!
EdgeOfTheSky · 19/09/2021 19:00

@Vinballs2 are you OK?

Did you get back in your home last night?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 19/09/2021 19:05

You have been in an abusive relationship before and you are in one now

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 19/09/2021 19:09

Has he gone now @vinballs?

Foxlover46 · 19/09/2021 19:20

You are not a mug at all ,but he is and a nasty one at the sound of it too.
Why should you make up just because he wants to when he created the arguement in the first place.
That aside I don't think for a second you should be having to escape to the car or lock yourself in your bathroom at all , even if you didn't own your home which you do.
Please get him gone, you're already putting yourself down and you're only 18months in. He's clearly comfortable displaying this side to him and I. My experience it only escalates.
Always here if you want a chat , no judgement ever just want you to keep safe ..your home is meant to be your peace and safety where you can shut out the cruelty of the world x

IceLace100 · 19/09/2021 19:22

Talk about an over reaction.

If you're hungry after tea you have some toast and jam!

Never acceptable for someone to rant at you.

Get that prick out your house and put your life!

EdgeOfTheSky · 19/09/2021 19:24

So sorry, missed your update under updated username.

Very very glad that you have ended the relationship and are resolved to kick him out.

My ex behaved a lot like him. Blamed me for all kinds of trivial shit because he felt trapped in the relationship (we both did, we were waiting to conclude a family matter) , raged at me because I had a greater share of the house, just took his anger out on me the whole time, ranted and shouted, never took responsibility for his own faults or anger or lack of control.

Oh, and he did progress to violence.

Many years later I still feel traumatised by what happened and will never again try and ‘manage’ a situation where someone else cannot take responsibility for their anger and resentment.

So..,the sooner you free yourself from him the better.

Great that you have made your decision.

Good luck.

IceLace100 · 19/09/2021 19:24

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

250g of fresh filled pasta is about 600 calories. With a low calorie sauce that's a perfectly respectable dinner. 300 calories of pasta for an adult for dinner is a very small portion, even if you add cream or whatever to it.
This is peak Mumsnet.

Poster wants to discuss relationship and abuse... wants support, suggestions etc.

Not a discussion on fucking calories.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/09/2021 19:43

@IceLace100
I was responding to the twatty posters who were derailing to try to call the OP greedy for eating that portion of pasta
Peak mumsnet I am not

QueenBee52 · 19/09/2021 20:13

[quote CloseYourEyesAndSee]@IceLace100
I was responding to the twatty posters who were derailing to try to call the OP greedy for eating that portion of pasta
Peak mumsnet I am not[/quote]
its a very odd reply to be fair ...

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 19/09/2021 20:18

Maybe out of context!!

pelosi · 19/09/2021 20:21

Why are people having a go at @CloseYourEyesAndSee? She was just trying to help.

Nanananani · 19/09/2021 20:26

Please get him out OP. So glad to read it’s your house etc he sounds dreadful