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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner angry about his food serving

297 replies

vinballs · 18/09/2021 20:24

Please tell me if I am BU.

For context, my partner has a small appetite, rarely finishes the food on his plate, I normally always eat more than him.

We have been out and just got home, I told him on the way home I was starving.

Our dinner for this evening was preplanned, filled pasta, drained and served with pan fried cherry tomatoes and mushrooms and then a pesto and crepe fraiche sauce stirred in, topped with Parmesan and served with garlic bread.

In the car home I had said that I would cook both packs of pasta and he said, good idea as one pack isn't really big enough for two but too much for one.

So we arrive home and I cook dinner, I served up two generous portions and there were about 3 pieces of pasta left so I put them into my bowl and truly thought he wouldn't even finish his serving.

I put them on the table but the wrong way around and said "oh sorry, I put a bit more in mine as I'm so hungry". He looked put out, so I apologised and said, you're welcome to it, honestly it's no big deal, I just didn't think you would eat it all. He refused, so I ate mine.

I could tell he was pissed off as he went quiet and cold and left food on his plate. So I asked him if he hadn't enjoyed his dinner and he said he's pissed off with me, that he would never do that to me and it was so rude to take a bigger serving. So I said sorry again, and it honestly was a split moment decision after I had already served two generous portions. I reminded him that I said at the time, it's no big deal you have got the big portion.

He then said I served him up "the scraps", all the mushrooms and tomatoes but I honestly didn't. It was two equal and large portions,

With hindsight, I should have served up and said there's a few bits left, do you want them? But it was a genuine split second decision and not malicious or calculated at all, which he seems to be implying.

We had a huge row on Thursday night because he was angry that when he likes to chat about the news or TV programmes that are on, I don't chat back and seem irritated. To be fair, I am, he continually asks questions and asks me to pause and rewind even when I've answered him. I just want to watch the bloody programme.

Anyway, he's upset me with a huge over reaction to three bits of pasta and I got upset and went upstairs.

He's come up since I started this post to make up and I said to him. I apologised before either of us had taken a mouthful and offered him the bigger plate. It pisses me off that he let me eat it and then causes a drama. Apparently that's the wrong answer. I should accept his approach to reconcile. I was in the wrong, I've behaved badly, I'm rude, I deliberately served him a quarter bowl of food and took the rest. What's wrong with you?

He's ranting now, I've locked myself in the bathroom and he's shouting outside that I think I'm perfect and a drama queen. I'm shit at relationships. It's my way or the way.

I know I made an initial mistake but really this is horrific.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 18/09/2021 20:52

DON'T LEAVE. (Sorry to shout, but I needed to get your attention.) It's your home.
Call the police and get him removed - seriously.
Maybe after that he'll think again about his behaviour (but he probably won't).
In the meantime, you're entitled to be able to relax in your own home - that's not going to happen with him there.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 18/09/2021 20:52

I regularly serve myself a little more than DH. If he's noticed, he's always been too polite to say anything.

His behaviour is truly shocking OP. I'd be terrified if I had to lock myself away from my DH. Can you get out safely? Have you got friends or family that ours come around?

Wotwhywhen · 18/09/2021 20:53

Get him out OP. If he refuses, get help, police, big brothers, the decent bloke next door, anyone.

EishetChayil · 18/09/2021 20:54

You don't deserve this sort of treatment. Leave him.

Thadhiya · 18/09/2021 20:55

What a massive red flag.

He's picked a fight over something non-existent and is now turning it into an attack on your character. More likely he has seen you laugh recently, or smile, or simply show some character, and he's determined to crush it out of you.

If he can invent issues like this, leaving you crying in a locked bathroom while he screams at you, imagine what he'd do over a real issue.

Men like this do not get better or improve. He is telling you right now who he is, and what a relationship with him entails.

nannannanana · 18/09/2021 20:55

He's Locked you out of your own home that you own.

Get fucking rid. The cheeky bastard.

The fucking audacity.

Over pasta. Over anything actually it's your fucking house.

Get rid op and block on every avenue of contact.

Am astounded at the absolute audacity. He really thinks a lot of himself doesn't he.

Floralnomad · 18/09/2021 20:55

Stop skulking about outside @vinballs , go back to the house , go in and tell him to pack his stuff and leave , if the door is on the chain and he won’t let you in then call the police and get them to remove him .

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 18/09/2021 20:56

Cook decides who gets what, if he doesn't like it, he can offer to cook. But locking you out of your own house, Id be kicking his entitled arse onto the street.

FlibbertyGiblets · 18/09/2021 20:56

Please call friends to come and help you to get him to leave. If he escalates don't hesitate to call the police, explain that the relationship has broken down, he is refusing to leave your house, and he is being aggressive and intimidating, you are afraid he will try to hurt you.

I am so sorry.

RampantIvy · 18/09/2021 20:56

He sounds awful, and this relationship is over. I'm sorry you have had to put up with his gaslighting, abusive behaviour.

accentdusoleil · 18/09/2021 20:56

Tell him to make his own fucking food in future

You deserve better

MummyOf4Kids · 18/09/2021 20:57

@pelosi

*lock him out m

Bastard iPhone keypad

Sorry that made me laugh 😂
pictish · 18/09/2021 20:57

He wanted a fight tonight and he got it. If it hadn’t been the bloody pasta he’d have started picking at you over something else.

He’s controlling, moody, self-absorbed and a bully. It’s not you.

Get him take fuck.

Thadhiya · 18/09/2021 20:57

Yeah OK your posts have escalated into a freak who yells, kicks bottles and blames you, and then pretended to leave. He's in your fucking house and has 200k in the bank? Fuck that!

Tell him he needs to leave, that's it. He's a violent man! Other people, all the normal relationships? No violence! No screaming, yelling, no locked doors, no fear, no thrown items. None of it happens. You're in a nightmare and none of it is normal.

If he won't leave, call 101 and reiterate you are afraid.

daviesbrownsmithgreen · 18/09/2021 20:57

Count down from 3 and as soon as you get to 1 just blurt out that you want him to leave. Make sure he leaves you his keys. You are unsafe with this man and I am worried for you, please get out of this relationship.

olidora63 · 18/09/2021 20:58

Do any of your friends or children live nearby? If so try and get someone to come to the house with you …am worried about your safety!

ChargingBuck · 18/09/2021 20:58

OP, he scared you so much with his totally unjustified demands, anger & shouting that you locked yourself in the bathroom, then fled the house.

You need to tell the police this, & explain that he has now locked you out of your house. Make sure they understand that it is not his house, & that he has no right to even be in it, let alone terrorise you out of it.

TheChip · 18/09/2021 20:59

Wow what a dick he is. Its not you OP. I also don't think this is about the pasta either, he just wanted to start with you.

daviesbrownsmithgreen · 18/09/2021 20:59

I would also agree with PP about ringing 101 or even 999 if at any point you think he will turn seriously violent and/or get a friend and husband round if possible

LopsidedWombat · 18/09/2021 20:59

This is not about the pasta. Sounds like very hard work and I'm wondering what positives can this relationship actually be bringing to your life.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 18/09/2021 21:00

Tell the pesto pasta pest to piss off outta your house!

Seriously, OP, call the police on the nasty piece of work that he is.
.

nannannanana · 18/09/2021 21:00

Tell him to buy his own fucking house snd his own fucking pasta. Am just astounded at his cheek.

Dontbeme · 18/09/2021 21:02

Don't confront him, don't go in the house on your own, you have already had to lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from this angry man. Just call the police now and have them remove him from your property.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/09/2021 21:04

@Daphnise

You ate two packets of pasta? (Just checked the post; it did say two packets) I would have thought that would feed about six.

Leaving that aside, don't pander to a whiny partner-it'll never end!

Which would mean he had a portion for three people less three tortellini - so he had plenty anyhow. even though they're only for 2

Done being abusive about the amount they ate now? Good.

OP, you'll be much happier and safer binning him off. He's escalating to violence (as per the bottle).

nannannanana · 18/09/2021 21:05

@Dontbeme

Don't confront him, don't go in the house on your own, you have already had to lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from this angry man. Just call the police now and have them remove him from your property.
I agree op. Get rid. He's clearly a loon bag. You can't say for sure how he will react now.

Your safety is the key thing here