Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks shayelle..I was just about to start a thread with the same title 😄

@bangheadhere40 😂 let’s manifest it! Sorry MrEars was a no-goer but at least you're getting out there!

Checking in

Searching for a KitKat but stumbling around in the flake and twirl section 😂

Ok am going to try to do the full check in / round down

Dating options include

MrTattoo - going onto date 1 after date zero hopefully. Have naturally got into a childcare conversation with him and his Mum is retired and does all the after school and evening childcare.

MrItaly - forgot about him during the last update. He's abroad most of the time, we're in touch regularly and had a lovely date zero a while back, ended up spending the day together but his living situation was all over the place. He's getting his flat back in September and wealthy enough for us to do weekends away etc so we are trying to figure out when and how.

MrAccountant - date zero in 2 weeks. Nice vibe and regular contact

MrProperty - as above but not sure about this one. Had a couple of nice video calls but his messages are all about drinking

MrGig - going to a gig together in 2 weeks

Zombies 🧟‍♂️ include

BeardFlake, about whom I have an ongoing fantasy that he's going to call me up, beg for forgiveness and say that he's booked us a weekend away hiking in the Lakes followed by a gig in some rainy northern town after which we will get soaked and he will say to me, I love your hair in the rain Bella, I love everything about you... let's make a life together, I think your bum looks great in those jeans ... blah blah blah 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 clearly never going to happen

Going to politely bow out includes

MissHazel
MissGinger

Just had the first message of the day from MissGinger commenting on my new WhatsApp profile pic aaaarrrrrgghhh

New complications in my life include the fact that DD only wants to see her Dad once a week and her MH is too fragile for me to leave her alone if I want to date. When her brother is back from uni it will be different but unless she'll do sleepovers I'm not going to manage much of a social life

Have lovely weekends everyone! Just off to
see my sister whose finally told out parents she’s pregnant! I’m the worst secret-keeper and she’s made me hold it in for over a month! Off to give her a giant squeeze. She’s in a rocky relationship, has a 4yr old so going to be the best big sister i can be!!!

Checking in! No irons plus avoiding apps as not great for my mental health at present. Big hair cut today but too cheap to colour it as I have no nights out planned!

I'm so brave! I've sent MissGinger the message

'I think I’m going to have to bow out of staying in touch as I’m just slammed with more unexpected personal challenges and I don’t think I can manage a new friendship at the moment… I hope you have more luck on bumble than with me and it was lovely to meet you 😊'

It's true, except that if I fancied her I wouldn't be sending it ... but she knew she was friend zoned from early on ... now I've unfriended her. Oh god the whole thing is so grim and so cruel isn't it?!!!

Morning everyone,
Thank you all so much for the gym advice, I'm going to have a look online today and see which one I might join.
I'm.in South London so there's plenty to choose from !
Im not sure why I'm still following this thread after joining in November 2019 and meeting Mr p in January 2020 but I am and I do.
I get such a lot of good, kind advice from all of you and I love reading how all of you are getting on.
It's interesting how many regulars from back when I first joined have dropped away and I hope that means that old has worked for them.
Today, I'm going to try and actually take some of the " work on yourself " advice.
I'm not in a good place. I can't stand feeling this anxious or needy anymore.
It's hurting doing what I'm doing so if it hurts if I do something else it won't make any difference right

So what do all of you, single, non needy, happy to be you , women do at the weekends ?
I need inspiration!

I just suddenly thought of that guy that used to post here with the cats and the terrarium, wonder what happened to him ? He decided to come off the apps if I recall correctly, hope he's OK if he's lurking

So what do all of you, single, non needy, happy to be you , women do at the weekends ?
I need inspiration!

Last weekend I spent with two cousins, eating, drinking etc.
Had a two day spa break Wed/Thu with a friend who is very demanding and never stops talking and telling me what to do, so today is blissfully quiet and alone.
I'll do the shopping, go to the garden centre for a patio rose and then pot that up at home plus I have a bit more potting up to do, change the bed, I might watch a film, or read.

I've got the gym booked at four and swimming at five. I might make curry for dinner, depending what I buy at the supermarket.
Tomorrow I'm out for a ten mile walk with my walking group and at least three friends on the walk I want to chat to. I'll be back about three thirty, shower, lay on the bed with a face mask for a while, then make dinner.

Both my children are sick and I'm recovering from my accident still but -

Cousin coming down from London and we will take dogs to the pub, a short walk from here

If children were away, since I've been in recovery mode I would call or text friends who are also single and facing challenges

I'd do some journaling. Check a film off my to watch list. Read another chapter of my book club book

When feeling well I would ride the horse, maybe pop over to see my Mum. Call my dad. Drop in on a friend who's been poorly. Go through my old photos. Write a poem and think about what I want the next years of my life to look like. Do some admin. Follow up with my ex about the parenting plan

Excellent new thread title. Thanks @Shayelle2009 👏

Thank you, this is genuinely helpful.
I've got very few friends, so think this is probably the crux of it. I get with someone and expect them to be my whole world. That's too much , because what's left when they aren't!
So instead of lying in my bed wallowing I'm going to try and take your advice.

Good luck with the hair @Eesha it sounds like it's going to be bold !

@Clovertoast I'm not single but I am happy and non-needy and have every weekend without Mr K.

Last Saturday I went to a local music event on my own for a few hours and then went swimming. Would have stayed longer and met family but had already booked and paid for swimming.
Last Sunday I had did my food shop and helped my DD on a job so she could earn money, then pottered at home (housework/gardening/internet).
Last Monday I went Uni shopping with DD.

Today I will be tagging my pigs later as they go off on Monday😭, then I will go on my own to another local music festival, I plan to pop home for a bit to feed and walk the animals and then go back for the evening.
Tomorrow (for a change) I will see Mr K in the morning for a walking charity thing (we've both wanted to do it for years but never had someone to do it with), when we finish he will see his son and I will potter at home.

Earlier in the week I joined a local walking group, I've also been to local history talks on my own.

Have a look on Facebook events abd see if anything is happening locally.
I also have a large garden and allotment which take up time.
I rarely meet friends at weekends as they are married with families.
I hate the gym and my nearest is miles away, I walk around my village and the one near me, often stop to chat to people.

If I need to clear my head I do some colouring for 15 mins.

I do a lot every day because my brain is so active and I get bored easily, I often jump from one activity to another.

@Shayelle2009 Thanks for the thread.

@Naimee87 I hope you take this in the way its intended, I'm concerned about Mr Magnet and your messaging.
You agreed to be exclusive with Mr E and the fact you've had to change Mr Magnets nane in your phone smacks of a secret and that you know you shouldnt be doing it.
What if Mr E was secretly messaging someone he gets butterflies for? How would you feel?
I think you either need to tell Mr E that you don't want to be exclusive or let Mr Magnet go for now.
I had a chat with Mr K about cheating when we got together and both agreed flirting by message is unacceptable, general chit chat is fine with members of the opposite sex.
I think people should be clear on what they see as cheating, my ex husband thought that emotional affairs and flirting was not cheating 🙄, well I expect if I had done it, it would have been.

Slightly off topic but I'm trying to be positive about the possibility of selling my horse

Does anyone own a mini camper van? I've looked at the up to date VW's and they're pricey. What are the cheap options?

Thanks @SortingItOut that's all really helpful. I think i'm going to try and be brave and find some groups to join.
I need some friends, how sad is that!

@Clovertoast

Thanks *@SortingItOut* that's all really helpful. I think i'm going to try and be brave and find some groups to join. I need some friends, how sad is that!

I'm going to join some groups too, started with gym and book club. Sometimes even if we have friends it's good to take the pressure off them and keep discovering new things x

Well I live in South West London, actually hold down a professional job and believe it or not I'm not as pathetic as I sound so if anyone organises a meet up, count me in

@Clovertoast I agree with @BelladiMamma , you don't necessarily need friends bit you do need to get out and about.
I have a handful of friends but they have busy lives so we only meet every 3 - 4 weeks, the problem with relying on friends is that if they are busy you might feel cast adrift and anxious/insecure like you are with Mr P.

Its such a good idea to find new hobbies that you can enjoy.

Also try the app Meet Up which has loads of groups that might take your fancy.

Also getting out and about will help your self esteem,no one thinks you are pathetic and I hope you don't think you are.
There is no need to put yourself down.

Clovertoast I don't have a lot of friends so it can get a bit lonely at the weekend when I'm on my own.
I usually do one of my sports at the weekend. Most people there are a lot younger but it's always nice to have a chat with them even if it's only for a few mins.
Otherwise I make sure I get out of the house for a walk or a bike ride. I'll stop for a coffee and read my book.
Then it's housework, gardening, shopping.
I've been to the cinema by myself. And museums/art galleries.

Meetup is good. I'm in a couple of groups that do specific activities.

@Clovertoast you're not pathetic at all. At least you are recognising your behaviour and want to make changes. I have a lot of friends but fell into the trap of only going out if I had a date. I've been feeling quite blah post my holiday so I want to start taking advantage of my free weekends and seeing people as it gives me such a boost. If you haven't many friends, try the gym or classes where you can interract with others more.

Checking in 🍫

Thanks for the new thread @Shayelle2009. Loving the thread title. Double amen to that!

Really interesting to hear how others spend their weekends. Dd goes to her Dad's alternative Saturdays and Sundays. On her Saturdays with me we usually do something nice together for at least half the day depending on her homework schedule.

I use the time she's busy to catch up on housework and listen to Podcasts or audible. As I have quite a full on people intensive job I really value this time just to be quiet and with my own thoughts. I love a nice clean and tidy house too 🙂

If Dd is with me on a Sunday she's out most of the day doing a hobby so I do something nice just for me. I have a couple of fellow single mums I sometimes meet for lunch if they're free, I'll go to an exhibition or gallery, have a really long walk listening to my audiobook or have my hair or nails done.

Sometimes I just have a long bath, read my book and do some batch cooking with the radio on.

I do the same sort of stuff when Dd is with her Dad. I ❤ having time to myself tbh. It feels so luxurious just to be with no expectations from anyone 🥰

I've tried the gym too but don't think I've ever spoke to anyone there 😆

Possible new iron on the scene- Mr Treats. As I've said before I live in the worst place for dating! This one has just moved up here too - I think that's my plan going forward, as soon as a non potato moves to my area just swoop in quickly! 🙂

Checking in!
Excellent plan @bangheadhere40, if you snooze you lose and all that!
I've got to agree with @SortingItOut on the secrets @Naimee87 and it always helps to imagine the boot on the other foot.. have a think and just make sure your intentions are clear for Mr E.
Love the discussion around things we do just for ourselves, self care is so important! Hope you're feeling inspired @Clovertoast
Mr D is heading up for the eve, looking forward to seeing him after a bit of miscommunication earlier this week.

Checking in. Absolutely nothing going on, no irons, no dates but I feel so much happier for it.

I meant to message Mr Cricket last night before he started work today but forgot when I got back from dinner last night(obviously wasn't important as I can't remember what I was going to say). He keeps surprising me by remembering what I've told him like wishing me luck with court last Thursday. Man, the man is thoughtful (and hot) why oh why couldn't he have wanted to date me 🙇🏻‍♀️🤣.

I'm off for my induction at my new gym. I'm actually quite nervous which is silly as I know what I'm doing, just the machines are slightly different.