Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

*find it not effective ❤️

It’s not particular to a type of therapy, it’s particular to the NHS who use it to assess if someone is deteriorating and might need a different and more urgent type of intervention - for example if they’re suffering from thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

It may not have been something you enjoyed filling in - I didn’t, I thought it was pointless but then again I recognised I wasn’t in as bad a way as some people - but I did appreciate it was the NHS attempting to monitor people’s progress and well-being.

My point is, whilst you might not like the assessment part, it’s not related to the therapy an organisation might offer. At the very least it would be worth trying again and as a starting point discussing your concerns about the sheets as a monitoring tool as that might prove illuminating.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I understand that. and rest assured, if I wanted to do myself harm or I wanted to kill myself, I would seek urgent advice.

The point I'm trying to make is that I personally, as a former patient, found it ineffective as my moods were generally all over the place at the time, I'm sure you will agree that you can't articulate that on a tick sheet.

I found the counselling very general as well. ❤️

Thanks @MayEye @BelladiMamma and @ibelieveinmirrorballs for the thoughtful responses - really helpful. Yes that makes a lot of sense. I'll stick with the need-to-know approach. I've got other people (close friends and family) who I can confide in about my challenges/frustrations with my ex so it's not really something I need to be confiding in someone I'm dating. I guess at best it might scare them away and at worst it might attract people/dynamics that I don't want. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

And thank you for the welcome!

Oh, yeah, I did have that over the phone one time. Once I told them I wasn't about to throw myself under a train they put me on a waiting list for the CBT website thing.

I'm not sure it's useful for anxiety. As you say, anxiety isn't really as linear as that, it can blindside you in the middle of the day but your general mood may be fine. I've been having some anxiety dreams recently, I need to get to the bottom of what is prompting them.

@VanGoghsDog

Oh, yeah, I did have that over the phone one time. Once I told them I wasn't about to throw myself under a train they put me on a waiting list for the CBT website thing.

I'm not sure it's useful for anxiety. As you say, anxiety isn't really as linear as that, it can blindside you in the middle of the day but your general mood may be fine. I've been having some anxiety dreams recently, I need to get to the bottom of what is prompting them.

@VanGoghsDog I'm sorry to hear about that ❤️

@Isitreallyme177 thats so good to hear!!! And yep fully agree with PT early in the day helps get you in good mood. I keep thinking how would i feel if MrE was entertaining other women. And i’m just not sure 🤔 my earlier posts on this paint a very chaotic picture. And in real life its not much different. I’d miss having him to contact but i think like others have said he doesn’t seem to be in a good ‘set-up’ here whereas like you i do. Relationships are just so hard aren’t they! But as long as you’re in a good head-space this really is all that matters for now right? 🤩

@Naimee87 I think that's the thing when you're settled and sorted the chaos of other people who aren't is just tiring. I like Mr Cricket but after yesterday I'm not sure I want to get caught up in that, I actually thought he was so much further on than he actually is. Maybe when he is sorted he might look and think "oh she is actually alright, I quite like her" as by then I'll be 2 stone lighter and ever so much more confident after all my pt sessions😂🤣🤣.

I think he might be scared of the thought of my cooking though as he hasn't said yes or no yet🙄🤨.

@Isitreallyme177 the morning gym seshs are great aren’t they. Put you in a positive frame for the day. You sound in a good place with mr cricket.. sometimes it’s just pleasant to have the male presence in your life isn’t it, doesn’t need to be anything heavy.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs creepy af that old iron doing that. So sly isn’t it.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck with the anxiety.. I get it sometimes and most of my friends do, male and female.. I think it is very very common.

@Naimee87 thank you I’m a lot better today, think the anti b’s are kicking in 💗💗

[quote Shayelle2009]@Isitreallyme177 the morning gym seshs are great aren’t they. Put you in a positive frame for the day. You sound in a good place with mr cricket.. sometimes it’s just pleasant to have the male presence in your life isn’t it, doesn’t need to be anything heavy.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs creepy af that old iron doing that. So sly isn’t it.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck with the anxiety.. I get it sometimes and most of my friends do, male and female.. I think it is very very common.

@Naimee87 thank you I’m a lot better today, think the anti b’s are kicking in 💗💗[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 ❤️

Morning all. Still ill here 🤒 but hopefully on the mend now the antibiotics are kicking in. Ds has it too now though, so my sick day isn't very restful...as well as the cat needing the vet!

On the subject of therapies, I'd recommend www.livinglifetothefull.com as an online CBT programme (it was free last time I looked) but I'm more a fan of ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - as it's more about sitting with feelings and also living life in line with your values, as opposed to cbt which can be a bit sticking plaster in its approach. I'd recommend watching videos by Russ Harris to get an idea of what it is, and his book The Happiness Trap is good.

Dating wise - still in contact with Mr runner but not sure where that'll go if anywhere for various reasons. But I joined tinder again 😂 and have a couple of chats on there so far. It's good because I can't talk without coughing but I can message

Oops, the link is now llttf.com/

@Shayelle2009 and it's a very good point you make about just having a male presence In your life. I think the same will probably apply to myself and Mr Gambit. I think he'll probably be a better friend to me than a potential partner ❤️

Thank you @Misty. 🙂 I'll take a look at those! ❤️

Ohhh, just realised it's nearly time for a new thread. Does anyone want to do the honours? ❤️

@Shayelle2009 first time I've been that early and I had to drag myself out of bed but it did feel good and I'm tempted to start going at that time more often.

As for Mr Cricket I like having him around (helps that he is easy on the eye🙈) and we seem to be building a nice friendship. We chat the whole time we're together and it's never awkward. I mean yesterday it was him and his old man bladder (he's literally the same age as me, only days younger) and me and my app that tells me where all the public toilets are (old lady bladder here) which he now wants.😂

Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4349018-dating-thread-213-falling-into-autumn-leaves

New thread 🧵 here 🍂