Cheated and now...?

[Whatwhaat]

So my future dh kissed a woman he works with 2 weekends ago. I found out by a text flashing up on his phone that made me suspicious so I read it. He doesn't know I know. We have a baby and things haven't been close close in about a year, together for 3 years.

He usually has lunch with her every day (ordering takeaway rather than eating their sandwiches together if that makes a difference... I don't know why it now does to me) and has mentioned her a lot so I wasn't worried. After the kiss he is still having lunch with her every day just them but the text said something about their feelings. I think I'm just in shock to be honest

Hope you’re ok x

OP what did you decide to do? Does he know you know?

Hope you're ok OP. X

I am also wondering how you're getting on OP

@Aquamarine1029

He's merrily cheating on you right under your nose. Don't be foolish enough to marry this man.

She might be better marrying him (and staying married for long enough to be considered for a claim.on his assets and pension) if he has any.

Better than shitty child maintenance only.

Sorry I disappeared. I cracked when more messages came through talking and he put kisses still. He said they've slept together that once and he doesn't love her and is sorry for hurting me but does have feelings for her. And he loves me but he thinks we would have split if it wasn't for dd. Heads spinning

Oh dear. Surely you know it's over for you and him now? Please walk away from him and block him.

I've known it was over from the first post, I just haven't got my head around it

It's brutal. Really hard for you.

I don't understand what you mean OP. If you are sure of your decision that it's over.. what are you in a 'spin' about ten days later ?

Is he still in the house ?
Have you left ?
If not then I would suggest that you haven't decided it's over. (Which is just as valid a decision as leaving btw and don't let anyone on here tell you otherwise ) I know plenty of successful marriages that have survived an affair when babies were born and mothers focus shifts (obviously) from partner to child and father seeks attention elsewhere. It's a story as old as the hills. It is recoverable if you BOTH want it. It's a much harder path than separating though.

Perhaps it would help you to put down in words what it is that your head is spinning about. Maybe we can provide some practical solutions?

The fact my whole life and future has changed. Sorry, I didn't realise 10 days was too long to not quite get my head around that

Of course ten days isn't long to sort out your whole future - but , if you say 'it was over from the first post.' then it sounds like you decided to end your relationship?
That is one decision made. It is only done one step at a time. So if that decision is made - has he moved out ? Is he refusing to move ? Are you able to move ?

You have had a shock, add to that a young baby and post partum hormones, look after yourself OP.
Have you shared this with anyone you feel close to? You need as much support as possible with this. X

Ten days is nothing to get your head around this. Take your time and prioritise yourself and your DD. Life really can change in a heartbeat, but knowing that fact never prepares you for when it actually does. Years from now you might still on rare occasions think “What the hell happened there?”. Because it’s very hard to get your head round the fact that the person who was supposed to have your back can do this.
It’s hardly a comfort now, but time will heal, Whatwhat. At the moment, take one hour or even one minute at a time if it’s too hard, and get some real life support. Take good care of yourself and don’t underestimate the shock and trauma that a sudden awful revelation causes, try to eat if you can or at least keep sipping something. This stuff saps your physical energy as well as consuming your mental energy by the yard. Put yourself first. Sending a huge hug, this stuff is absolutely dreadful to deal with. X

Thank you. I don't really know what to say

Hes not here for a few days, no

You’re not obliged to say anything here if you don’t want to. Just take care of yourself before anything else, especially and including platforms like this. X

I agree with PP you don't have to apologise for not coming on here. I have been wondering how you are but you need to take care of yourself.

OP hope you are holding up ok. I had the same thing and words spoken to me too. If I know then what I know now, I would rather I had turned angry instead of grieving for what might have been. You deserved better. I have 2 boys. I am better off and happier without him. Stay strong and come back to the board when you need to .X

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I will be saying prayers for you that you manage to navigate yourself through this revelation with as much strength as you can possibly muster. It's the ultimate betrayal, but you will bounce back and the future will look much brighter than you can imagine. Ultimately, he was not good enough for you and the universe is giving you a second chance at real happiness.