Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

@buttercup1001

Youvegottenminuteslynn he tells me things like" why would u want to throw away someone as good looking as me " it would be your loss someone else's gain "things like that.

What about the other things on my list? Does he do those too?

I would guess yes.

Again, people have told you that yes you need to seek medical help for the injuries you sustained as a result of being strangled.

If someone random in the street strangled you and gave you the same injuries, you'd need them treated.

The fact they were inflicted by someone you unfathomably want to protect doesn't mean the injuries need to be treated any less.

So are you going to go to a doctor or not?

He told me lastnight that the tumble dryer didn't dry his clothes due to me turning the switch off and I didn't even go in to the kitchen I stayed upstairs sorting stuff out I said no I haven't even been out the kitchen he said u must of.he has to always be right 150% I did not turn the switch off.as of for my eBay account my eBay page stays logged in so he could of done it but surprisingly he has only gone threw my phone about once or twice and he says he doesn't go threw it because he scared of what he will see .now I've come off all social media Facebook etc...all I use is normal text messaging and whastapp and that's only family on there.

So, say he has caused permanent damage to your throat, what next?
Are you going to leave him?

@buttercup1001 are you going to leave him?

I'm going to make a appointment tomorrow and tell him it's for something else.hes coming bk later at around 6pm and will he with me till Tuesday so will have to make uo somethin until I go in to the drs room and then tell them because I think only one person is allowed in anyway due to covid.

So are you going to seek medical attention or not?

He could have caused permanent damage to your throat which will have long term consequences.

He's already told you he will do it again which would then worsen those consequences / add more / kill you.

Are you going to seek medical attention?

Think about it this way op, if someone said to you 'my girlfriend is so lucky because I'm so handsome. Surely she'll never leave me because who wouldnt want me?' What would you think of that person? You'd think 'ugh, what a self important pig'. And you would probably go and stand somewhere else. Because no one likes a narcissist.

So why the fuck are you dating one?
I mean good grief. There isn't a pair of eyes blue enough or a chest ripped enough to make me want to spend a second of my time with some self entitled bore with his head so up his own ass.

And that's if he even is good looking.

Maybe you should write down a list op of all the things you associate with someone 'good' one with traits you associate with someone 'nasty'. I bet I know which traits has more of.

If you thought this animal was worth leaving your little boy for then I'm not sure what any of us can say to make you see sense tbh.

Your poor, poor little boy. Thank god he has another parent and some wider family. Regardless the consequences of you leaving will be long term and shape his future hugely.

I'd say I hope it was worth it, but it wasn't. You're now seven times more likely to be murdered by your abusive partner. Your son is seven times more likely to have his mum for.

You are still putting him above your son because you said part of the reason you were scared to report this is because you know it would reflect poorly on your attempts to have this man around your son.

Why do you want this man around your son?! Just... why?!

He always tells me I will never get better than him so y would I bother leaving him then it makes me depressed because I feel I have to rely on him and need him etc it's a horrible feeling I feel happy when I'm with him but i have to be careful what I do I can't go on WhatsApp I can't search the net without him over my shoulder saying who u talking to .I have to limit what I do around the house or he will think I've snuck in a different room on my phone .I have to leave my phone in the same room as him so he doesn't think I've took it in the bathroom with me well taking a bath .

He will not kill himself, its another form of control. Although there is a SERIOUS risk he will kill you! Get him out of there and call the police, get a Domestic Violence Protection Order and get your boy back. He will make your life harder to be away from him initially but if you stay strong, keep calling the police and he keeps getting nicked, hell get the message. You CAN do this. Call the police and GET AWAY.

Thid you two on a night out?

Gonna be honest actually that I thought of Gaston the second you mentioned his comments about how handsome he thinks he is. I mean really op, stop being his sidekick, he is a wanker. And a dangerous one into the bargain.

Your son should stay with his dad. Because you've chosen an abuser over him. Because very soon, you likely won't be around to care for him anyway. Because you 'D'P is abusing you and you've time and time again defended his actions, minimised what he's done and told everyone how much you love him. You clearly love him more than you love your son.

So leave him with his dad. That way he won't wake up one day and find your body then deal with a lifetime of trauma following that.

Harsh? Yes. Do you need some tough love and harsh words? Yes. Because you're delusional if you think he'll change. You've had more than enough red flags and all you talk about is how much you love him.

Who will actually give a shit if he kills himself? Nobody. Because he's a waste of oxygen.

Pull your head out of your damn arse and sort your piroitities. This abusive piece of shit shouldn't even make it onto the list.

@buttercup1001

He always tells me I will never get better than him so y would I bother leaving him then it makes me depressed because I feel I have to rely on him and need him etc it's a horrible feeling I feel happy when I'm with him but i have to be careful what I do I can't go on WhatsApp I can't search the net without him over my shoulder saying who u talking to .I have to limit what I do around the house or he will think I've snuck in a different room on my phone .I have to leave my phone in the same room as him so he doesn't think I've took it in the bathroom with me well taking a bath .

Did you feel happy when his hands were around your throat?

When he threw your phone?

When he called you names?

When you lost your son because of him?

I suffer with low confidence and self esteem which i think makes me more weaker to leave I don't have alot of confidence so it makes me feel like he is the best I can do .I hate the feeling and wish I could stand my ground and tell where to go I really do.

@buttercup1001

I suffer with low confidence and self esteem which i think makes me more weaker to leave I don't have alot of confidence so it makes me feel like he is the best I can do .I hate the feeling and wish I could stand my ground and tell where to go I really do.

I understand this may be hard for you as you love this man. He doesn't love you. No one hurts the people they love. He shouldn't be the one you're worried about, it should be you and your son. Nothing is more important than your son, he should be your main priority, not some abusive idiot. You can do better, you deserve better but most of all your son deserves better from you. Please leave and get your son back.

@buttercup1001

I suffer with low confidence and self esteem which i think makes me more weaker to leave I don't have alot of confidence so it makes me feel like he is the best I can do .I hate the feeling and wish I could stand my ground and tell where to go I really do.

Who's house is it? Could you just leave? Speak to womens aid about accommodation in your area. If it's your house, call the police and report him for the attack they will remove him for you. Then you just change the locks when he is out.

You won't regain your confidence until you've got rid of him op. You cant stitch up a wound with a knife still embedded in it.

You can do it. Just rip the plaster off.

I'm hoping I will find a way out sooner rather than later and try but I'd my confidence back up to feel ok with myself and not depressed all day long my son is such a Lovely polite little boy and I feel like crying when his dad picks him up I know deep down I am awful for choosing this man I just wish I had the curridge to say off u go I am hoping I will be strong enough soon.

Also, why is being single so scary?
I'd rather be single my whole life than date anyone like him. Not that that would happen.

I put up with that kind of man for 3 long years. Landed me in hospital more than once, left me in debt and almost bankrupt. I was petrified of leaving him because he had broken and conditioned me into thinking it was all my fault.

Leaving was the hardest and best thing I ever did. I upped and left with almost nothing and I have never looked back.

You deserve a lot more.

@buttercup1001

I'm hoping I will find a way out sooner rather than later and try but I'd my confidence back up to feel ok with myself and not depressed all day long my son is such a Lovely polite little boy and I feel like crying when his dad picks him up I know deep down I am awful for choosing this man I just wish I had the curridge to say off u go I am hoping I will be strong enough soon.

Sorry but then why on earth is one of your goals allowing this man to be 'around' your son?

Why do you want this man anywhere near the orbit of your polite little boy whose heart you've already broken numerous times?

I cannot understand it.

Pinkbonbon it's my place he is in a hostel ( temp accomdation) where he has support workers there monitoring he has no keys etc he just stays with me has been here since July since the summer holidays he goes bk when I have my son which is today so he will be bk later this evening around 6pm.he constanly asks me do I love him all the time every 10 mins he's so loving saying he couldn't cope without me and then I feel like I'm being loved because of his words the way he tells me he loves me regularly I really do hate the situation I'm in but find it so hard to get out of it

@buttercup1001 it's your house. So you change the locks. Lock every door. Tell him not to come to your house ever again. Block him. Call the police if he kicks off.

@buttercup1001

Pinkbonbon it's my place he is in a hostel ( temp accomdation) where he has support workers there monitoring he has no keys etc he just stays with me has been here since July since the summer holidays he goes bk when I have my son which is today so he will be bk later this evening around 6pm.he constanly asks me do I love him all the time every 10 mins he's so loving saying he couldn't cope without me and then I feel like I'm being loved because of his words the way he tells me he loves me regularly I really do hate the situation I'm in but find it so hard to get out of it

If you want to leave you'll leave. Prioritise your son, your health and life!

Put your keys in your locks right now so that he cannot get in.

Text him to tell him it is over and if he comes back,the police will be called.

(Optional)Call 101 right now and report last weeks attack. Tell them you worry he may come over later.

If he shows up, do not answer the door under any circumstances and call the police if he doesnt leave asap.