Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

Well I hope he is your Ex now?

Could be anxiety related?

I have no idea about lasting effects but that is monstrous. I think you need to ring your GP, Women's Aid and a trusted friend. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Please, please get some proper medical help and some domestic violence support. You are worth a million times more than this.

You need to go to your GP and get checked over. Randoms on the internet can't tell you without being medically qualified and without examining you. Tell the GP what happened. They will be able to recommend local domestic abuse charities which can help you in connection with your abusive relationship.

I know I should of left him but it's hard as he suffers with mental health and suicidal thoughts I know there's no justifyin with what he did.i have been worrying abouty throat since it happend as I've had constant hoarseness when I speak and heartburn which I've never suffered with.im scared to go drs and have to explain the reason why I'm there and having to explain that I Was strangled my by partner.

I would suggest you consult your GP about the medical side of this, and be honest about how it has come about.

Your partner abused and assaulted you. This is very dangerous behaviour and you need to get out of the relationship. You should contact Women's Aid for help and advice. Also, report the incident to the pilot. It doesn't matter that you didn't do it immediately. Just get it done and on record.

What is your housing situation? Rented, owned? Jointly, or in your/his sole name? Any children?

know I should of left him but it's hard as he suffers with mental health and suicidal thoughts

You are not responsible for his mental health. Next time he could kill you whether he means to or not.

Do you live together?

Why do you want to hide his actions?

You are not responsible for your partner's actions or mental health.

Please seek help for yourself. Your GP is there to help you. This won't get any better.

Go and see your doctor.

Yes, you could have ongoing symptoms and injury from this assault.

www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

Please seek help, both for that, and to exit your relationship if you have not already.

Strangling is a significant predictor for future lethal violence, and you run the risk of ending up dead at his hands even without him deliberately setting out to do so.

Imagine how depressed he'll be in a jail cell having killed you.

I may as well say the background on my relationship I have a 6 year old son me and his father split up when he was 2 and I meet my previous partner when something odd happened his probation officer rang me up and that a police officer has advised I have a Claire's law on my partner due to him being high risk so I excepted to have the call out from the police.they did say he had previous of voilence and throat grabbing and it did alarm me and then spoke to my partner and he said his ex partners were mad in the head and that I am diffrent but this has happened twice now he's had me by the throat and pushed me here and there .child services told me that my son has to stay full time with his father due to my partner and his past and I am able to have my son twice a week and take him to school and pick him up.i love this guy and feel ashamed that I gave him a chance after hearing the Claire's law but he gets suicidal if I ever say I want to end the relationship were happy now but I still can't forget what he did three weeks ago and still feel unwell with my throat and not knowing if he's done a damage.

@buttercup1001

I know I should of left him but it's hard as he suffers with mental health and suicidal thoughts I know there's no justifyin with what he did.i have been worrying abouty throat since it happend as I've had constant hoarseness when I speak and heartburn which I've never suffered with.im scared to go drs and have to explain the reason why I'm there and having to explain that I Was strangled my by partner.

Easy to say, but you must stop worrying about and excusing him. You need to protect and look after yourself.

He doesn't care about you. He has shown what he is capable of, he is capable of seriously injuring and potentially even killing you. That is not an exaggeration.

Get help, medical, legal and practical and get out of this dangerous and abusive relationship. Now!

You have lost your son due to this man.
Do you want to lose your life too? Imagine your poor son with no mother.

I know this is harsh but true.

Have my very first LTB.

You need to tell the police. Your son could end up without his mother permanently if your 'd'p kills you. You've already let him be taken away from your care by your inability to leave this awful bully. Don't let him lose you altogether. Strangling is a high precursor to being killed by your partner. It is a massive red flag.

@buttercup1001

I may as well say the background on my relationship I have a 6 year old son me and his father split up when he was 2 and I meet my previous partner when something odd happened his probation officer rang me up and that a police officer has advised I have a Claire's law on my partner due to him being high risk so I excepted to have the call out from the police.they did say he had previous of voilence and throat grabbing and it did alarm me and then spoke to my partner and he said his ex partners were mad in the head and that I am diffrent but this has happened twice now he's had me by the throat and pushed me here and there .child services told me that my son has to stay full time with his father due to my partner and his past and I am able to have my son twice a week and take him to school and pick him up.i love this guy and feel ashamed that I gave him a chance after hearing the Claire's law but he gets suicidal if I ever say I want to end the relationship were happy now but I still can't forget what he did three weeks ago and still feel unwell with my throat and not knowing if he's done a damage.

Seriously, get help now and get out. He is dangerous. You have even lost custody of your children because of this piece of shit and only have restricted time with them.

Choose your children over a horrible and violent man, who has very clearly demonstrated that you can't trust a word he says.

OP on domestic abuse where strangulation occurs there are much higher rates of murder.

Please get yourself away from this man. It dies not matter why he does what he does. What matters is that it is hurtful and in your case, potentially life threatening. You have a son. Your loyalty is to be there for him and show him that men do not get away with abusing women under ANY circumstances.

Speak with womens aid and citizens advice to see about any benefits ect you may be entitled to. Your body is telling you you could have died. Speak with your gp as trapped nerves ect can cause lasting damage.

Save yourself and your son.
Women are not rehab for damaged men.

Where this is heading, is you dead, and him topping himself in a jail cell.

Go into refuge. Get your life back, get your child back.

He is a full grown adult man: he can go to the gp, he can go to counselling, he can sort his own MH out. You can't cure him, and you're not helping him by staying - you're just giving him the opportunity to become a domestic abuse killer.

He’s responsible for his own mental health and not physically or mentally torturing other people including you. You are responsible for yourself and your son. Don’t let this mans inability to self care take you away from your son.. he might not release your throat the next time. Leave. For you and your son, who deserves his mom.

I know I have noticed I have become snappy alot at ppl like family etc I'm sure it's due to the strain I'm having in this relationship he can be so nice and loving his nice side shows more than his angry side but if say I don't reply to him straight away on a text or phone call he is accusing me of being with other males.i was in Asda shoping with my son and forgot to take my phone and he thought I meet up with another man.i am so torn because when he's being nice he's lovely he has a counsiler he's been seeing for few months and he's on medication for his depression but that episode ahaooned only three weeks ago so unsure of the support he is getting is working.plus when he did put his hands round my throat he said next time I do it call the police I was out of order etc but he's been angry and aggressive towards for the past 2 years and always said he will change.for him to say next time I do it call the police is making me think we'll does he really understand now that he has done wrong.

Please don't let some fuckwit deadbeat lose you your son. You will regret this if you put this man before your child, if you don't end up dead.

You need to leave

And if he starts threatening to kill himself when you leave (which abusers often threaten) then you simply report it to the police and let them deal with it however they see fit. They may send an ambulance if they so wish.

But seriously, get him gone and get him blocked. And it is that simple. Because it HAS to be. Because you have a child to protect. And because this man may kill you if you stay.

@buttercup1001

I know I have noticed I have become snappy alot at ppl like family etc I'm sure it's due to the strain I'm having in this relationship he can be so nice and loving his nice side shows more than his angry side but if say I don't reply to him straight away on a text or phone call he is accusing me of being with other males.i was in Asda shoping with my son and forgot to take my phone and he thought I meet up with another man.i am so torn because when he's being nice he's lovely he has a counsiler he's been seeing for few months and he's on medication for his depression but that episode ahaooned only three weeks ago so unsure of the support he is getting is working.plus when he did put his hands round my throat he said next time I do it call the police I was out of order etc but he's been angry and aggressive towards for the past 2 years and always said he will change.for him to say next time I do it call the police is making me think we'll does he really understand now that he has done wrong.

"Next time I do it!!" So he knows he will do it again.

Next time you may not be able to call the police, as that could well be the time he actually kills you and deprives your child of having a mother.

Get out of the relationship.

He knows fine what he is doing. All this being nice and getting help is just to keep you hanging on, it's not the real him. The real him is the one who is accusing you of seeing other men and putting his hands round your throat so you are still suffering physically three weeks later. The one who has got you so low you are willing to put up with the abuse because you are frightened of the consequences of standing up for yourself.

You need to be frightened of the consequences of staying with him.

He is not abusive because he is angry, he is angry BECAUSE he is abusive.

And based on your update op he just sounds like every other abuser who claims mental health issues as an excuse to better women.

Get him gone op.
He knows what he is doing. He means to do it.
And even if he didn't, theres no excuse for abuse.

*to batter women

OMG you have lost your son because of your decision to stay with a man who has a history of violence towards woman. Strangulation is one of the high risk indicators and you really are at risk of being killed.

You need to contact womans aid and get support and I hope in the future your DS will be able to forgive you for putting an abusive man before his welfare