Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

That's it, the step by step. Do it. Do it now because there will never be a better time. It will never be easier.

Take some photos of your neck damage too if there is any visible. And tell your go everything tomorrow..

There was no injuries to my neck it was all inside my throat.i went to the Dr the first time he did it and called the police and I dropped the charges it was awful I couldn't cope with it at all it made me depressed because I thought he was gonna go prison I just didn't know what to do.i feel so weak at the moment' I feel I'm not strong enough to go threw it all again that's y I didn't go to the drs this time etc

And if he loses his place at the hostel for coming over to yours, where do you think he is going to want to stay? How long before he does have keys?
You gotta act fast op.

This might be the last chance you get anyway, because next time he visits, he might just kill you.

You dont have to stay with him though. Even if you dont pursue police charges. You can just use them to make sure he stays away from you.

Although, he absolutely belongs in jail.

He's basically moved in with you then.

So on top of you choosing him over your son, you've allowed him to get his feet under the table at your home rather than actually focusing on creating a safe space for your son to develop a relationship with his mum.

Your son's father knows you're still with this man?

Knows that this man is there every day other than the ones you have your son?

If I was your ex I would be beside myself at having to allow you contact.

Have social workers / authorities ever made you agree not to have this man live with you in your home?

If you really want to save him from prison, OP, leave him.

Because he keeps strangling you, and it only takes him pushing it too far one time and you won't regain consciousness. He may not even intend to do it. It's so so dangerous and so easy to kill you.

By not telling the support workers that he is still being violent, you are actually STOPPING him getting help. He can't treat you properly and you can't treat him properly. In an awful way, you are both killing each other. You won't let him get help, he kills you, he goes to prison.

Why isn't your son more important to you?

I'm sorry to

OP, what I'm about to say comes from a place of kindness.

I've been where you are now (kind of). Years ago, I was with an abusive partner. I made excuses for him, I dropped domestic violence charges because I was too scared to leave, and I stayed with him because he convinced me I couldn't do better and that he would kill himself if I left him.

My family were devastated. They tried talking to me but I wouldn't listen. One day he strangled me, he grabbed me by the throat when we were arguing. It felt like forever, but in reality it took about 10 seconds for me to pass out. When I woke up he was still there. I managed to secretly call the police and they turned up and he was arrested. I was taken to hospital, where I underwent emergency surgery on my throat and the damage he had caused.

Even after that I was still unsure about leaving. My mum (a police officer who worked in the DV unit) was beside herself. Her colleagues were the ones who took my statement. They then did me the biggest favour in the world. They showed me photographs of women who had been killed by their 'partners', and they told me that it would be me if I didn't leave. Finally my eyes had been opened.

I left him that day, and started to rebuild my life. It wasn't easy, it took a long time, but I got free of him and it was the most freeing experience you will ever have.

Men like these don't love us, they target women who are weak and vulnerable so they can mould them into who they want us to be.

You have already lost custody of your son. If you don't take this step to get out now, you will likely lose your life and any self respect you have left.

You can do this. It won't feel like it now, but you can and you will do better. You will learn to love yourself again, you will become a strong independent woman, and most importantly you will be a great role model for your son.

Please don't wait until it's too late.

OP isn’t listening, just keeps droning on about what her vermin boyfriend says, thinks, said. Hopefully the contact inflicted on her kid will be further reduced, or supervised.

@NowEvenBetter

OP isn’t listening, just keeps droning on about what her vermin boyfriend says, thinks, said. Hopefully the contact inflicted on her kid will be further reduced, or supervised.

Exactly. She isn't listening. She doesn't want the help.

I feel to weak to go threw it all it's hard being depressed in general then having all that on top of it.i haven't told anyone about him strangling me since the last time he did it so it's been bottled up inside me for to long I needed to come on here to let it all out if my mum , dad family new they would be distraught angry at me for not doing anything about it and calling police etc.

What's worse? Kicking him out or him murdering you?

Please pay attention to the posters on this thread. You've been given some excellent advice that you seem hell bent on ignoring.

Does your son's dad know that your boyfriend is staying with you full time other than the days that you see your son?

Is there any agreement in place that means your boyfriend is not supposed to live with you and / or you need to notify a social worker or someone else if he does move in?

@buttercup1001 how long ago were the police called for strangulation and you dropped charges? How did that work?

The police can press charges for domestic abuse irregardless of whether the abused presses charges. For precisely this reason. This is from the CPS website

There is also common misconception that complainants ‘press charges’ against perpetrators but that is not how the system works in this country. While victims are rightly at the centre of everything we do, the CPS prosecutes on behalf of the Crown and for the good of the wider public.
That means we can prosecute domestic abusers without the support or direct involvement of victims

The agreement was for me not to have my partner here we'll my son was here.that was the agreement.and when I called the police the first time they took a mini statement and said they will have to arrest him eothr way because hes assualted me and because I done a little statement saying what he did and I didn't want to pursue any charges etc they arrested him questioned him then let him go.this was about October last year around October 2020.

Your poor, sweet little boy. Heartbreaking you say he's lovely and polite and yet you still won't put him before a grown man who strangles you and thinks so little of you he believes you are out shagging other men if you don't immediately answer your phone.

Jesus Christ. I hope his dad is aware of how completely involved you still are with this man. At least one of his parents should be protecting him and it isn't you.

Poor bloke, if I was him I would be terrified every time my son was with you that you'd be sneakily introducing him to this monster.

The father must be 100% aware which is why he wanted his son to spend any free time with his auntie rather than his mother.

At least he has his Dad and his auntie.

Soon enough your boyfriend will be living with you full time , then what will happen with your son , you'll choose your boyfriend again?

@Gnr24

Soon enough your boyfriend will be living with you full time , then what will happen with your son , you'll choose your boyfriend again?

I would imagine so. And then access will (hopefully) be removed as it will be an unsafe environment. That or a contact centre but he's the kind of man that wouldnt 'allow' her to go without him and so she will again choose him over her son.

That poor little boy 😞

You know what you're going to get for Christmas? I know because I've seen this before with abusive men-you'll either be murdered or it'll be a murder-suicide. I think the former as he likes to threaten suicide because he's a violent, manipulative monster. You've posted complaints about his key worker not helping him-no one can help him unless he wants to change-violence and manipulation works for him-he is a predator and he preys on vulnerable and weak women like you! He doesn't attack men who are bigger or stronger because he knows he'll get his ass beaten so cowardly he bullies you like his past personal history. Do your family a favor write out your will and write down what you want for your funeral like your favorite songs, burial or cremation.

You do know, OP, that there's a well known path from strangulation to murder? This man will murder you.

Have you also read the 8 steps to murder - Jane Monckton Smith - threats of suicide are in there.

Telling you he loves you every 10 minutes isn't love. It's control. As are the threats.

You have chosen this awful awful man over your son.

You have lost your son because of this man. If you stay with him, it is entirely possible that you will lose your life.

Choose wisely Op.

Your poor poor son.

buttercup what goes through your head when you read posters saying that this man will kill you?

@AnnaDyne

You do know, OP, that there's a well known path from strangulation to murder? This man will murder you.

Have you also read the 8 steps to murder - Jane Monckton Smith - threats of suicide are in there.

Telling you he loves you every 10 minutes isn't love. It's control. As are the threats.

You have chosen this awful awful man over your son.

Thanks for posting this, never seen it before. Sent a shiver up my spine how many steps I had ticked off in my last relationship.