Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

And we've tried to talk to his support worker about his anger and try to get him help so he can be around my son but things like him Chokin me 3 weeks ago it isn't gonna happen I haven't told him support worker about this because it will effect the process of him getting the help etc.im torn I really am I love him and I love my son both of them.

Listen to yourself.

You want him to be allowed around your son.

You don't want your son to actually be safe around him.

Because you've chosen not to report this incident as you know that will make your son being allowed around him less likely.

You're literally choosing him over your own sons safety.

Thank fuck he is with his dad now. I am disappointed you are allowed unsupervised access as I wouldn't trust you for a minute not to have your partner around your son if you thought you could get away with it.

So it's either you die at his hands or he dies at his own hands then? Why does it have to be you? So what if he attempts suicide? I'm inclined to think that if he did successfully carry out his threat, he's no loss to the world. I had an ex who also threatened suicide if I left. Guess what, the fucker is still alive and well unfortunately and probably still terrorising his partners.

He is telling you who he is. Listen to him.

He's been practising with his ex's to the point the police got involved. You love him to the point of giving up your son. Will you love him to the point of your death too? Will your last thoughts be that it was worth it dying for?

By staying you are risking him strangling you to the point where you are left permanently injured. Every time you choose to stay, you give him another chance to cause this.

You need to leave before he harms you permanently. He may have already, so you need to go see your GP asap:
www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

He cannot change. It's just not in him to change. He's on a path to prison, but don't you be the victim he was finally shut away for killing.

No I strictly never have him round when I have my son and I have stuck to the arrangements with child services.and am doing everything I can I really want him to change becaise I can see it in him that he can be a decent person I have been so depressed be wise of it trying to make ends meet .I feel trapped because I love my son dearly and him .

OP you see yourself reflected back at you in his eyes. That's the good you see. But that is not who he is. It is simply a trick.

He is not fixable because he hs not broken. He is just nothing like you. He is a predator.

Also, if a trained psychologist or psychiatrist cannot 'cure' a sociopath or similar, why the hell do you think you could? Do you have a magic cure? Because if so, you'd be a millionaire!

This isnt disney op. It's real life.
Time to put your big girl pants on and save yourself.

You are either trolling us or dont want advice.
The thread has become pointless as you love him so much.

Going back to your original post how would we know if the mark's and pain around your throat should have disappeared. The vast majority on here haven't experienced that I suspect. Go to your doctor, get some pain killers and buckle up for a lifetime of hell if you are staying with this loser.

@buttercup1001

And we've tried to talk to his support worker about his anger and try to get him help so he can be around my son but things like him Chokin me 3 weeks ago it isn't gonna happen I haven't told him support worker about this because it will effect the process of him getting the help etc.im torn I really am I love him and I love my son both of them.

Ok, you’ve completely lost my sympathy. You don’t love your son as much as your abuser or you’d chose him, every time. This is going to have such an effect on your child as he grows up. His mum has literally chosen a man over him, how on earth do you think that makes him feel or will make him feel when he’s old enough. His feelings of abandonment will have an effect on his whole life and his life chances. That’s if he’s lucky and he doesn’t have to deal with having a murdered mother. No one should ever chose a relationship over their own child and certainly not an abusive one.

Let the waste of space kill himself, then he can’t hurt anyone else.

@buttercup1001

No I strictly never have him round when I have my son and I have stuck to the arrangements with child services.and am doing everything I can I really want him to change becaise I can see it in him that he can be a decent person I have been so depressed be wise of it trying to make ends meet .I feel trapped because I love my son dearly and him .

You haven't stuck to all the agreements because you haven't reported this latest incident and said part of the reason you haven't reported it is because you don't want it to impact him being able to eventually be around your son...

You have to think of your son. He needs his mum. You say you love your son, well do the right thing for him
How do you think he will feel if your partner kills you?

You deserve better too.
Please seek some help from your GP

Better him dead than you

I feel trapped because I love my son dearly and him

You say you feel trapped and torn.

That means you love him more than you love your son.

Or you wouldn't feel torn.

Your poor little boy.

Any thoughts on any of the replies, OP? Your vermin boyfriends thoughts, words, feelings are of no interest to anyone, your focus should be solely on getting the vermin out of your life, and trying to build a relationship with the child you threw away. This is a disgraceful situation.

I know I feel ashamed that I have let my son down I do still see him twice a week since it's been summer holidays .but when he goes bk to school his dad goes to work and he drops him off here I take him to school and pick him up then he says till 5pm when his dad finishes work and I never have my partner here ever.my partner has been here alot since July because of the summer holidays and my son hasn't been here much as his auntie has had him be wise she has kids my son's age to .I think maybe be wise I have been around my partner so long these past 2 months maybe we got on each other nerves I don't know and I am not excusing his actions I couldn't contact the GP regarding my throat as my partner has been with me mostly and staying here I am just worried that yes damaged somethin in my throat I didn't pass out / or go unconciois but it was scary I couldn't talk etc was in pain then he let go was about 15 seconds so I don't know if he could of done damage considering I didn't blackout or go unconciois.

I'm rapidly losing sympathy here. Your head is stuck so far up your arse that you are incapable of considering your poor little boy properly.

You've chosen a dangerous, psychotic arse wipe who could easily kill you over your own child and are not listening to any of the good advice you have been given. It is beyond me how any parent could do that, even if that makes me naïve.

I am scared of being alone I think I love my son to bits it's hard I feel like I wouldn't cope and then I would have the stress of him then when I end it with saying he will kill himself etc.

I couldn't contact the GP regarding my throat as my partner has been with me mostly and staying here

So he isn't meant to be staying with you but you've allowed him to anyway? That's why you can't tell the truth?

Threads like this horrify me. I can’t bear it.
Report the thug scum. He deserves to be rotting in jail. Remove the scum from society. You’re choosing to have ‘the stress of him’, you can remove it. That’s good that your kid is living with a parent who cares and keeps him safe, at least.

I’d let him kill himself, you’d be doing the next woman a massive favour too.

I'd be willing to bet that he told every one of his previous partners that he would kill himself if they split. He has already told you that they were all mad, psychos or whatever. I bet they were not. If anything, those labels are more applicable to him

He didn't kill himself after those relationships ended did he!

He is much, much more likely to be using the suicide threat as a means to control you and keep you where he wants you to be.

Once hands go around the neck, the risk of him eventually killing you increases sevenfold.

You are seven times more likely to be killed by him now that he’s crossed the line and done this.

Police and doing whatever you need to do to get away from him should be your priorities.

Free pdf link for the Lundy Bancroft book OP, in the hope it opens your eyes before it's too late ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Thank you I wil take a read now

OP
Do what the hell you want. Carry on loving thug life.
You have been given loads of good advice and everyone is saying the same thing.
You don't want to listen.
Go to your pharmacy and get some pain killers and have a nice day while you can.

@Fluffycloudland77

I’d let him kill himself, you’d be doing the next woman a massive favour too.

This.

Wether you love him or not, this is a bad relationship. You should be out there happy and carefree, not worrying about next time you’ll be strangled, making excuses at the doctors and losing your son to a deadbeat who is a known danger to women.

You need to maybe take a break from this relationship to think about what you want from life in 5 years time.

On the suicide threats - you can’t control what other people do. You can only control your own actions. By staying, you’re enabling his behaviour too.

Get out - your son will thank you for it when he is older. You’ll thank yourself after a year out of this toxic environment!

If he did this 3 weeks ago and you are still having issues with pain , hoarseness and reflux( heartburn) he may have damaged some nerves or muscles in your neck and you need to see a doctor to get checked out.
He’s tried to strangle you twice, next time he may kill you. You are thinking no way, he’d never go that far. The women who end up dead at the hands of their DP/ DH, they all undoubtedly thought the same thing. You are playing Russian roulette with your life. How can you put yourself in that position knowing your little boy could end up without a mum. Be sure of this. He does not love you. You do not strangle people you love, you do not threaten someone who wants to leave either
If he threatens to kill himself when you leave, ignore it, or if you’re worried call the pice to fi a welfare check. I sincerely doubt he has any plans on killing himself, but it’s a little line that manipulative bullies like to throw out when they are worried they are losing control over someone.
He’s really dangerous. I absolutely know you think we are over reacting, but he’s going to carry on if you don’t leave, and there’s a real possibility you will end up dead if you don’t .