Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

"Next time I do it call the police" he doesn't even sound remorseful. There shouldn't have been a this time let alone basically saying there will be a next time. You need to call the police about this time and see a GP about your symptoms.

I don't know how you've chosen this person over your son but the next time might be the last time because he will go too far. Leave him and see more of your son.

This cannot be real, it just can't be ! You have given up your son for some deadbeat loser who strangles you and others and promises next time to finish the job!
Your poor poor son

@workshy44

This cannot be real, it just can't be ! You have given up your son for some deadbeat loser who strangles you and others and promises next time to finish the job! Your poor poor son

One would hope it is not real, but I fear it is.

OP is in serious danger.

Please, please read what you have written and imagine what you would advise someone else to do in your situation.
You’ve already lost your son for this man.
He already has a history of extreme violence to women.
He says you’re different, yet he’s done the same to you.
He’s controlling and emotionally abusive.
He’s already told you there will be a next time. Gos, that’s the most shocking thing. He’s not even falsely promising you that it won’t happen again, he knows it will.
Next time you might not be able to call the police as you’ll be unconscious or dead.
This is extremely serious. Please, please make the right choice. Leave him for good and focus on getting your son back.

You're putting this dickhead before your own child? Grow up and pull your head out of your arse. What do you think it will take for him to take his hands off your throat next time? Seriously this guy could kill you and still make it your fault. Why do you think you owe him anything?

He is a stereotypical abuser that's playing you with his mind games and physicaly hurting you.
Violence escalates and becomes more frequent.
You keep making excuses because 'you love him'
You will be murdered.
Your son will have no mother if you carry on making excuses.

But you know all this.

I had someone once who kept threatening to kill himself if I left. He "really meant it" and apparently I would be sorry and it would be my fault. No one would forgive me once he has done it .
30 years later the big lump is still walking round Hebden Brudge with a trail load of broken relationship behind him no doubt saying the same thing.
Suicide threats in this type of relationship are just a tool to control you.
Wise up.

Did it not perhaps cross your mind to break up with him instead of having your son removed from your care by social services?

He is the only man I have ever felt loved by and he constantly says to me please isn't leave me it won't be pretty if you do etc.o don't even know what he means by that .he is telling me that he will kill HImself and that if I leave it will be the end of him.he makes me feel like he loves me but then if he did he wouldn't hurt the person he loves.

Just so relieved you don’t have your son with you to witness this unfolding

It’s also clear to me that he’s brainwashed you completely to the extent you’ve lost your kid but are still making excuses for him. You’d rather fail as a mother than as a prop to this head case.

I’m not wasting my time repeating what others have wisely told you. You are still
In denial and overcompensation phase. Perhaps next time when you actually end up in hospital it might be the wake up call you need

None of this is your fault but you have two choices and that is it. Leave and be safe. Or stay and certainly destroy the rest of your life and your child’s possibly lose your own into the bargain.

You owe this “man” nothing.
You owe your child a future with his mother happy and safe able to be a positive role model and part of his life

I dont believe this one so I am reporting it
I understand your concerns and it may or not be true.
The flip side us there are actually people out there that are going through this and cant see the wood for the trees.
I come across it a couple if times a month through work and it is horrendous.
I also cant understand women who have had warnings from SS about potentially losing their children because they've stacked up with a sex offender or an abuser. They chose the new boyfriend and have given kids up but slag off SS on fb for being corrupt heartless child snatchers.
Unbelievable!

@workshy44

This cannot be real, it just can't be ! You have given up your son for some deadbeat loser who strangles you and others and promises next time to finish the job! Your poor poor son

It’s sickening isn’t it? It’s not even like she thought he was a good person, and then he spent years brainwashing/wearing her down before turning into a violent prick and now they’ve got kids together and she feels stuck. They’ve got absolutely no ties together, and she was literally warned by the police from the beginning about his history of strangling his girlfriends. She’s still put a bit of cock before her child.

You've lost custody of your son for a man who strangles you.

This will already affect your son long term as he will likely have abandonment issues and anxiety.

Do you want him to also suffer losing his mum at the hands of a woman beater too?

for him to say next time I do it call the police is making me think we'll does he really understand now that he has done wrong

No, all it means is that he's literally told you he will do it again.

Your poor son, you chose this garbage human over him.

And we've tried to talk to his support worker about his anger and try to get him help so he can be around my son but things like him Chokin me 3 weeks ago it isn't gonna happen I haven't told him support worker about this because it will effect the process of him getting the help etc.im torn I really am I love him and I love my son both of them.

He doesn't love you. You don't throttle people you love. He could have killed you. Who's to say next time he won't?

He's not going to kill himself. He's saying that to get your attention, and he's a cunt for doing so.

Take your child and get as far away from this man as possible.

@buttercup1001

He is the only man I have ever felt loved by and he constantly says to me please isn't leave me it won't be pretty if you do etc.o don't even know what he means by that .he is telling me that he will kill HImself and that if I leave it will be the end of him.he makes me feel like he loves me but then if he did he wouldn't hurt the person he loves.

Let him kill himself then. He'll kill you one day otherwise. Leave and get your life & your CHILD back This man is abusing you

He doesn't love you op.
He just wants to posess you. You are a a toy to him. An inanimate object which he feels he owns.

He is a sociopath or similar.

He wont kill himself. They all say that shit.
Seriously op you would be wise to report the assault at the police station and have them take things from there.

Stop trying to pull him from the darkness, he hs tethered there and will only ever be able to pull you into it.

He is the only man I have ever felt loved by and he constantly says to me please isn't leave me it won't be pretty if you do etc.o don't even know what he means by that .he is telling me that he will kill HImself and that if I leave it will be the end of him.he makes me feel like he loves me but then if he did he wouldn't hurt the person he loves
You are just simpering now.
Grow the fuck up.
How can being throttled make you feel loved.
How can someone keep threatening to kill themselves be romantic and makes you feel wanted.
Run for your life. Literally!

@buttercup1001

And we've tried to talk to his support worker about his anger and try to get him help so he can be around my son but things like him Chokin me 3 weeks ago it isn't gonna happen I haven't told him support worker about this because it will effect the process of him getting the help etc.im torn I really am I love him and I love my son both of them.

You love him more than you love your son though.

As is evident by your choices and the fact you want your son to be near him. That's what you WANT?!

I hope to god that isn't allowed.

You made your choice. Better to walk away from your son than to keep making these choices tbh.

I miseread. I didn't realise you'd lost your son because of this.

What else are you prepared to lose for him? Your life?

I really am I love him and I love my son both of them
You should love your son more but didnt prove it.

I suggest you read 'why does he do that?' by Lundy bankroft. He worked with violent abusers for years. Do not let him know you are reading it though.

Leave this waste of space immediately
Who cares if he kills himself that's his decision, your putting your sons and your life above his.
Do the right thing

Let the fucker kill himself, doesn’t sound like he’ll be much of a loss