Husband's mistress has dumped him and now I want him back!

[WhereTheFuck]

Argh I am in such a shitty situation. at the beginning of May my husband left me for a woman he had been having an affair with since before Christmas. We have a DD who was barely 18 months when he left. Since then I have done really well, haven't missed a day of work, been strong for DD and H and I were actually doing an ok job of co-parenting. I even met someone else on tinder in July and we have met a few times and had some great sex It was starting to get easier and easier.

Today I have found out that my husband's OW has just dumped him and said she thinks they would be better as friends... and to be honest it has sent me right back to square one. I just feel like this whole situation is a terrible waste, especially for our little DD, and all I want to do is ask my husband to come back and give it another go.

Argh!! Please talk some sense into me

[Shamsa03]

My dad left me at 18 months too.
Yes, it effected me and life choices.
The woman he had a affair with and is still with is on you tube for women's rights... Hypocrite.
Its your choice op he'll probably do it again but if you want him back for your daughters sake no one can tell you otherwise just be careful.

[KaycePollard]

@Shamsa03 THat's interesting to hear your experience: my father had several affairs while still married to my mother - I think he started pretty much when I was about 18 months old as well - but it was the 60s and she was a SAHM, and stayed in the marriage - money, security, etc - there were very few resources or legal protections for women with children in those days.

On the surface, we were a "happy family" but I can't say that it was a happy experience. My mother became bitter and resentful. I rarely bother with my father now, TBH.

[itchyitchitch]

@Crockof

Take him back and everytime he is late coming back from work, everytime his phone goes, your breath will catch in your throat, you daughter will see the drain of colour as you worry and live half a life.
Plus he doesn't want you back, he has been dumped so you would be a rebound, it will be awful.
From your post you have done so well, don't let all that progress go to waste.

This!!!!

[Californiansunsets]

OP I split with my ex in April because he was cheating. I was married to him for 31 years. There is still that tiny voice in the back of my head saying "wait, if it doesn't work with the OW, then take him back".
Am I fuck taking him back! Am I sad that my husband cheated on me...yes. Do I miss him.....yes. Do I still love him.....yes. BUT I'm not having anyone treat me like that, I NEED to love me more.

My husband cheated on me in the past and I forgave him only for him to cheat on me again!

As others have said, you have come so far. Expect him to come back with his tail between his legs, but the trust is gone, you will always be wondering where he is, who he is talking to.
Dont put yourself through it, you deserve better.

[Faevern]

What happens if OW changes her mind and he goes back to her leaving you in a worse place than you were? It won’t be how you imagine, she dumped him, he still wants to be with her, not you. How will you trust him?

[nuro]

Does he want you back?
Sounds like he went off with some else because he wasn't into you?
I'm sure he would come back until he found his next fling, but why put yourself through that?
Plenty more fish in the sea!

[PeanutButterCheesecake]

OP.

You should NEVER take your shit back out of the toilet.

[pascheretloire]

Don't do it.
My best friend astonished me by taking back her cheating husband in exactly the same scenario - the OW had got tired of him. She was the last person I would have expected to do that. They went for couples counselling and limped along for another couple of years, but eventually split for good, she suspected he was having another affair, and although she couldn't confirm it, "new" girlfriend surfaced suspiciously quickly after she kicked him out. My friend says her biggest mistake in life was to take him back. She knows that had the OW not ended it, her ex would never have come back, and I suspect that this is the case here.
Men like this never change!
Men like this never change.

[Appleofmyeye05]

If you go back you’ll be resigning yourself to a life of checking his phone, second guessing him and worry when he goes out or has a change in attitude.

You’re doing so so well and we are all so proud of you! Keep going lady!!

[StoneColdBitch]

How do you know your ex will want to come back? I left my first husband for the OM. The marriage was already dead in the water when I met OM and I would have left eventually anyway. If OM had dumped me, I wouldn't have dreamed of going back to my first husband; I would have chosen to stay single. (As it is, I'm now married to OM!)

[saffroneddowes]

Absolutely do NOT take this loser back.

Of COURSE his mistress dumped him. They always do.

He's not worth another moment of your time or life. You and your DD will be just fine without him.

[Sneezecakesmama]

You know it's a bad idea. You don't need a hundred people on the internet to tell you

[user1481840227]

This is just a temporary blip.
You've been doing so so well.

Stay strong, stay away from him and in another few months you're going to remember this blipp and be horrified that you even briefly considered it.

[AnnieSnap]

When a man shows you who he is, believe him!

[Monty27]

OP your self-esteem is so low even thinking about it and you need to think about him leaving next time. You'd feel even worse then I'm sure. And it would be extremely damaging for your DD also.
You're worth more than that surely.

[JaniceBing]

OP, stay strong for your DD and think of the example you will set for her. She will be a mini you- do you really want her to think it's okay for a man to treat her the way your H has treated you? Also OP, he WILL do it again and when he does, your DD will sadly be older and more aware of what's happening. Thank your lucky stars he has pissed off while she is still little, before he can do bigger damage. You're doing great and you will find your own happy ending.

[GiantHaystacks2021]

You're mad.
Find your pride.

[Driftingblue]

Remember the best thing for a child isn’t a two parent family, it’s a stable household. That stability often comes packaged as two married parents, but it comes in other forms as well.

Your dd is probably better off with her father in a second household where his relationship choices will have a diluted impact on her day to day life.

[1forAll74]

I would not wan't him back. You said that the other woman wanted to be just friends with your partner now, but that might not hold, and they could drift back together again.

[IndecentCakes]

Good God, no. You never waste the golden moment when you get to laugh in their face.

[starrynight21]

If she hadn't dumped him, he'd still be with her. So why would you want him back ? He isn't a puppy who lost his way and now he has come back again, he's a man who has been happily shagging another woman and now she has thrown him away. Have some pride !

[Mummyoflittledragon]

The man you married is gone. Replaced by an imposter ready to dump his child. Do not go there again. That path leads to pain for you and your dd.

[blueskytoday06]

Please please don't. My ex did this with DD1 and I stayed, he then did the same when DD2 arrived.

What a waste of my life!! (Bar my DD's).

[onelittlefrog]

You will never fully trust him if you get back with him. You'll always be looking over your shoulder and wondering what he's up to.

You can't have the happy ending because it's already ruined.

Move on and find someone more worthy of you.