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Original poster

Ex may get arrested... idk what to do

485 replies

Laladell · 26/08/2021 19:11

Bit of a long one but my mind is all over the place atm.

Me and my ex partner have been off and on for a year and a half, not the best relationship it was toxic and consisted of me getting mentally and physically abused.

We were on an off period and I bumped into him at my gym (I work for the health club company that we both attend but at a separate club) a week and a half ago he harrased me due to me wearing a white bikini by poolside and also screamed abuse at me on the carpark.

He then proceeded to ring me constantly and as I didn't answer because I didn't want to hear what he was saying he sent me a series of messages threatening to come to my house and smash my face in, to punch my teeth out, that he was gonna turn upto my house and it will go off and a load of other nasty and abusive names etc

Work are being really useless over it tbh so I rang 101 for advice on weds, I thought we were having a general chat but we got onto the subject of abuse wen we were in a relationship (he broke multiple ribs which I have hospital proof of) and also blacked both of my eyes a couple of months ago. They are looking to arrest him etc but I just don't know how I feel about it all, it was the incident that happened at the gym and the threats that triggered this and I haven't heard anythin off him since. I feel like it's a stressful situation that is impeding on my life I don't want to look like a jealous bitter ex trying to get revenge on things that happened previously and I didn't speak up about but then at the same time I don't want him to get away with the bad things he has done to me it's not fair 😔 I really want to be able to move on from this relationship and I feel a situation like this will 😔 but then again what he did is wrong, I know this will probably ruin his life if he gets arrested, they will also see his works van on his drive which he has been driving whilst banned so he will more than likely go to prison he will most definitely loose his business meaning loosing his home. But what he has also done to me is wrong. Its so much to carry on my shoulders.

I just really don't know what to do

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 26/08/2021 19:13

Let them arrest him! He’s abusive, physically and verbally and driving whilst banned, so also without insurance etc.

He’s ruined his own life!

Wolfiefan · 26/08/2021 19:14

Let him face justice.
Move on and be happy.

VaguelyInteresting · 26/08/2021 19:15

This is exactly why police now no longer need victims of DV to press charges.

Leave them to it. He deserves it. Don’t waste a minute worrying about him.

Bagamoyo1 · 26/08/2021 19:15

He blacked your eyes a couple of months ago?! He needs to be arrested.

TedMullins · 26/08/2021 19:16

If it ruins his life, good. Get the bastard arrested.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 26/08/2021 19:16

@PotteringAlong

Let them arrest him! He’s abusive, physically and verbally and driving whilst banned, so also without insurance etc.

He’s ruined his own life!

^ this

He's the one who has assaulted you.

Don't feel guilty...he deserves everything he gets.

MrsRobbieHart · 26/08/2021 19:17

Someone broke your ribs and blackened your eyes- you phone the police.

What would you do if it was a stranger on the street?

Popetthetreehugger · 26/08/2021 19:18

You are not responsible for any of this , work may have cctv of car park as a back up . Head high move on 💐

Bagamoyo1 · 26/08/2021 19:20

Being arrested is an occupational hazard if you choose to be an abuser. He made his choices, he has to live with the consequences. I’m guessing you didn’t force him to beat you up.

Theunamedcat · 26/08/2021 19:25

Let him be arrested

Don't bounce back to him

PamDenick · 26/08/2021 19:29

Can you get done real life support? Perhaps contact Woman’s Aid?
Read back what you have written and think about what advice you would give if this were written by your friend or relative…

fedup078 · 26/08/2021 19:39

Good job you have all those texts as proof for when they arrest his sorry arse so he can't wiggle his way out of it
Yes he should be arrested
He needs punishing
If he thinks he can get away with this shit he will and how would you feel if he kills the next woman and you didn't flag his behaviour up and did all you could before he did it again ?

saladcreamandegg · 26/08/2021 19:39

Firstly, by the sound of it he needs arresting.

Secondly, if you didn't want the police to take action why did you phone them and tell them about it all?

The police have to take some sort of action now as they can't unknow what you e said. If he killed you tomorrow the police would be blamed because they didn't act on your report.

Sarahlou63 · 26/08/2021 19:42

If a stranger harassed, attacked and abused you the way he has would you feel bad if he was punished for it?

He is responsible for his actions and the consequences they bring.

Ilady · 26/08/2021 19:42

He is a horrible individual. He has broken your ribs and given you a black eye/eyes. He comes to your work place and gives you verbal abuse and treatens to do all sorts to you. Along with this he is driving when been banned. You don't get banned from driving for a minor offence. What happens if he has a accident when driving at the moment as he is not insured?
I would let him be arrested. Being honest its his own fault if this happens after all the things he has done.

alwayswrighty · 26/08/2021 19:44

Actions have consequences

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/08/2021 19:44

Leave them to it Confused.
Btw, when you say "work was useless", what exactly did you expect your company to do, exactly?

evianlion · 26/08/2021 19:44

Reporting an abuser to the police is the right thing to do. The consequences are his own fault.

As for what you do now - make sure you are safe from him, never see him again, cooperate with the police. Do the Freedom Programme, speak to Women's Aid and Victim Support, do trauma therapy, build a better life free from abuse.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 26/08/2021 19:47

Let the police throw the book at him. None of this is your doing. It's justice, and all deserved.

Move on and be happy.

Queenoftheashes · 26/08/2021 19:47

He didn’t harass you due to you wearing a white bikini. He did it because he’s an abusive piece of shit. He clearly needs locking up.

Original poster
Laladell · 26/08/2021 19:48

@GreyhoundG1rl

Leave them to it Confused. Btw, when you say "work was useless", what exactly did you expect your company to do, exactly?
I was hoping they may step in as he is a member of the health clubs and was threatening me at my place of work and saying he will see me there, that he owns the gym now, that he will see me at work etc
OP posts:
Original poster
Laladell · 26/08/2021 19:50

@saladcreamandegg

Firstly, by the sound of it he needs arresting.

Secondly, if you didn't want the police to take action why did you phone them and tell them about it all?

The police have to take some sort of action now as they can't unknow what you e said. If he killed you tomorrow the police would be blamed because they didn't act on your report.

I just wanted advice on what to do about the fact he was coming into my place of work and threatening me... they were asking me questions about our relationship I didn't realise he would get arrested for something that happened when we were together 2 months ago
OP posts:
Harlequin1088 · 26/08/2021 19:51

You've done the right thing. Men like this do not change. In the UK, 2 women per week are murdered by former or current partners. They all start with bruised ribs and blacked eyes. The lucky ones get out, the unlucky ones become the statistic I've just mentioned. By having him arrested, you are protecting yourself and any other women he may go on to abuse in the future. If he loses his van, business and liberty it is because of the actions he has taken, not you. Please, please consider contacting Women's Aid and getting free, non-judgemental support from them. I wish you the best xx

Original poster
Laladell · 26/08/2021 19:52

@Popetthetreehugger

You are not responsible for any of this , work may have cctv of car park as a back up . Head high move on 💐
Thank you 🥺 the manager said there is cctv poolside and also on carpark but they haven't done anything. I just feel like this will hold me back from moving on as its still causing me to think about him all the time
OP posts:
Original poster
Laladell · 26/08/2021 19:53

@PotteringAlong

Let them arrest him! He’s abusive, physically and verbally and driving whilst banned, so also without insurance etc.

He’s ruined his own life!

I just worry I will look like a bitter ex
OP posts: