Ex may get arrested... idk what to do

[Laladell]

Bit of a long one but my mind is all over the place atm.

Me and my ex partner have been off and on for a year and a half, not the best relationship it was toxic and consisted of me getting mentally and physically abused.

We were on an off period and I bumped into him at my gym (I work for the health club company that we both attend but at a separate club) a week and a half ago he harrased me due to me wearing a white bikini by poolside and also screamed abuse at me on the carpark.

He then proceeded to ring me constantly and as I didn't answer because I didn't want to hear what he was saying he sent me a series of messages threatening to come to my house and smash my face in, to punch my teeth out, that he was gonna turn upto my house and it will go off and a load of other nasty and abusive names etc

Work are being really useless over it tbh so I rang 101 for advice on weds, I thought we were having a general chat but we got onto the subject of abuse wen we were in a relationship (he broke multiple ribs which I have hospital proof of) and also blacked both of my eyes a couple of months ago. They are looking to arrest him etc but I just don't know how I feel about it all, it was the incident that happened at the gym and the threats that triggered this and I haven't heard anythin off him since. I feel like it's a stressful situation that is impeding on my life I don't want to look like a jealous bitter ex trying to get revenge on things that happened previously and I didn't speak up about but then at the same time I don't want him to get away with the bad things he has done to me it's not fair 😔 I really want to be able to move on from this relationship and I feel a situation like this will 😔 but then again what he did is wrong, I know this will probably ruin his life if he gets arrested, they will also see his works van on his drive which he has been driving whilst banned so he will more than likely go to prison he will most definitely loose his business meaning loosing his home. But what he has also done to me is wrong. Its so much to carry on my shoulders.

I just really don't know what to do

Small update this evening

Went for a sunbed after work and one of the songs playing was something I used to listen to all the time when we first got together when we was really really happy and omg it threw me it actually made me feel quite ill 🥺😔 reminded me of how blissfully happy we were together at first it upset me quite a bit made me really miss it. I can't ever imagine feeling that way or loving someone like that again (not that I'm looking too lol)

Funnily enough a couple of hours later my oic rang, they are having problems getting into his phone as its password protected and they think he's lied about the password he said they will keep trying and if they can't there is another way to access it but it's longer and he will need to go through his superintendent and won't be able to get full data just specific things.

After the conversation a few possibilities of what his password could be came into my head so I rang him back and told him and he's going to send those combinations off to forensics so fingers crossed it can be cracked.

A strange feeling night tonight🥺 but tomorrow's a new day. And also a bit random but on Sunday I will have quit smoking for 2 weeks so I guess that is something to be proud of and something else I've achieved xxx

You poor thing

Sounds like you have done amazing

Stay strong my dear !!!!

I didn’t know you’d also quit smoking! Even prouder now! That’s a Mt Everest for a lot of people even under “normal” conditions!!! (My mum died of COPD & lung cancer… it was a long and brutal illness. I’m so happy you kicked the sticks.) I hope you got his password right!

Just checking in, so pleased that you are getting along just fine. X

Here's the big 3 of keeping yourself safe against an abuser:

1. Do not have any contact with him whatsoever. 2) Get a restraining order against him (first he has to be charged with something). 3) Go to your local gun shop and arm yourself and take safety courses at the gun range so you can take him out if/when he decides to break into your home - because when seconds count, the cops are 5-10 minutes away at least!

@seanoleary1961

Here's the big 3 of keeping yourself safe against an abuser: 1) Do not have any contact with him whatsoever. 2) Get a restraining order against him (first he has to be charged with something). 3) Go to your local gun shop and arm yourself and take safety courses at the gun range so you can take him out if/when he decides to break into your home - because when seconds count, the cops are 5-10 minutes away at least!

Hiya he hasn't been charged yet but a restraining order (none molestation) was put in place 2 months ago, I think you might be in the US because thats not really how things happen here lol but luckily I like to think I am currently quite safe

Heya everyone got a bit of an update x

So lastnight me and my OIC finalised all the evidence ready to send off to CPS. We have added screenshots of a first disclosure of the main assult I gave to my friend and she has now given a statement about it aswell as a statement about the relationship, what it did to me and what kind of person he is which my OIC has said will help a bit as it makes it a bit my word against his now.
Added photos of injuries and also dated screenshots of him apologising to me for different assults as well.
Unfortunately they wernt able to get into his phone though

It's now down to CPS I've done all I can it's just the frustration of not having any idea of there's a good chance or not, my OIC can't comment and said it needs to be beyond reasonable doubt which I understand but I just don't have much hope for CPS to charge him tbh from what I have heard about them.

But as for myself I'm actually doing really really well, I'm enjoying work a lot, 8 weeks smoke free, I'm back at the gym daily, im healthy, seeing friends if I want to, and really enjoying getting my life back and feeling very content atm put the tree up this afternoon with my little one I just couldn't wait any longer, last Christmas was so terrible I hated every minute of it where as I'm actually looking forward to this one 😊 my dad was saying I am like a completely different person now aswell as my OIC he said he can see changes in me too which is always nice and I do feel the best I've felt in a very very long time.

Just wish I knew what was gonna happen next but its a waiting game I guess 😫 thank you everyone for your support! X

That's a fantastic update, and whatever happens with the case, you're free now and that is the main thing. You've picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and moved forward, you're amazing! X x

The case got sent off to CPS in Dec, they came back with a list of actions within 5 days. Unfortunately my OIC, went on leave and I wasn't assigned another one so they have only just started on getting the evidence they have requested which is a bit of a blow.. my non mol order ends in 10 days which is a bit worrying as I rang the law firm who put it in place and they said they won't extend it unless he harms me which is a bit scary as it's the only thing I felt was keeping me safe.

I also found out last week that he has put in a counter allegation against me, stating I am distressing him as I am telling his friends and family he will be going to jail which is beyond a joke as I don't talk to his family and he had no friends, my dad thinks he's clutching at straws at this point but I'm still finding him doing that stressful, just another example of how manipulative and horrible he is. Can't see a 6ft body builder distressed over his 5'2 ex gf lol

And that's all what's going on really, just wish it could all be over soon as my anxiety cos of it all isn't the best atm and lately when I go out I'm so worried about seeing him

I rang the law firm who put it in place and they said they won't extend it unless he harms me which is a bit scary as it's the only thing I felt was keeping me safe.

Do the police know this? I'd remind them and ask for any advice they have.

The Suzy Lamplugh Trust has a helpline which may be able to offer support. 0808 802 0300 - hours are on the website.