Ex may get arrested... idk what to do

[Laladell]

Bit of a long one but my mind is all over the place atm.

Me and my ex partner have been off and on for a year and a half, not the best relationship it was toxic and consisted of me getting mentally and physically abused.

We were on an off period and I bumped into him at my gym (I work for the health club company that we both attend but at a separate club) a week and a half ago he harrased me due to me wearing a white bikini by poolside and also screamed abuse at me on the carpark.

He then proceeded to ring me constantly and as I didn't answer because I didn't want to hear what he was saying he sent me a series of messages threatening to come to my house and smash my face in, to punch my teeth out, that he was gonna turn upto my house and it will go off and a load of other nasty and abusive names etc

Work are being really useless over it tbh so I rang 101 for advice on weds, I thought we were having a general chat but we got onto the subject of abuse wen we were in a relationship (he broke multiple ribs which I have hospital proof of) and also blacked both of my eyes a couple of months ago. They are looking to arrest him etc but I just don't know how I feel about it all, it was the incident that happened at the gym and the threats that triggered this and I haven't heard anythin off him since. I feel like it's a stressful situation that is impeding on my life I don't want to look like a jealous bitter ex trying to get revenge on things that happened previously and I didn't speak up about but then at the same time I don't want him to get away with the bad things he has done to me it's not fair 😔 I really want to be able to move on from this relationship and I feel a situation like this will 😔 but then again what he did is wrong, I know this will probably ruin his life if he gets arrested, they will also see his works van on his drive which he has been driving whilst banned so he will more than likely go to prison he will most definitely loose his business meaning loosing his home. But what he has also done to me is wrong. Its so much to carry on my shoulders.

I just really don't know what to do

That sounds so hard OP. Big hug! I can emphasise with how you are feeling. I didnt want my dad to go to prison when he was being abusive. I felt he would come out worse... I wish that prison could be a space where men heal and address anger and entitlement and jealousy issues. That would help all of us. I dont think it always is, but think that sometimes prison is helpful to help people turn their life around and see how much duffering they are causing ...

Whatever you decide or think, you should definitely go to womens aid and see what they say! They wont tell anyone and just give you advice.

I also think that women need to be more selfish and ruthless. So dont feel bad AT ALL if you do decide to call the police and it gets him locked up. Not at all. How fucking dare he treat you lik that. If you show mercy then great ; if you dont then fair enough. Either way youre not the one in the wrong here.

Good luck and wishin you the best

Oh I just saw your latest message OP. Good on you! I pray you find peace and safety away from him x

Well done

It is hard to speak out
Sadly

Very very hard

Plus they make us question our sanity
Awful awful

@missbecks90

He needs to be arrested, if he could do it to you he will do it to someone else..next time though (& there will be a next time) it could be fatal.

He was arrested, I've made a statement and he's now been released off bail while they continue to gather evidence for cps

@CarolinaInMyMind

Oh I just saw your latest message OP. Good on you! I pray you find peace and safety away from him x

I replied to your first message and now just seen this one sorry 😂

@redastherose

Great news, glad work is going well too.

Thank you so much xx

@Mintyt

Your doing so well, I don't post often, but I do pop by, your getting stronger. Well done

Thank you so so much this really means so much. Its been such a struggle and still kind of is and I know it won't be easy but the support off this thread has helped more than anyone could of imagined x

You sound in a much better place.

Onwards and upwards

Hi everyone just a small update.

The police took a statement off my friend today about one of the assults as she was a first disclosure my OIC said it might be good enough to secure a charge!

He said its really helped as it's now no longer is word against mine so fingers crossed this should help towards a decision for cps. His phones also been sent off now and oic said that should take a matter of weeks

If your daughter or sister told you this had happened to her, what would you say?

Fucking lock the bastard up and throw away the key.

@OldTinHat

If your daughter or sister told you this had happened to her, what would you say?

Fucking lock the bastard up and throw away the key.

Fingers crossed after yesterday's evidence that's gona happen!

Great news

That’s fabulous @Laladell!!! Hope they nail the door shut on him!!!

Hello @Laladell, just popping by how are things going

I’ve just read all this op. I’m so glad you got a new better job, if I knew my gym treated staff with dv concerns like this I’d go in and get the manager into the lobby and shout why I was cancelling my membership so everyone there could hear.
Good luck with the rest of the process, his family are awful and permanently blocked is the only way for it. Don’t feel bad about your motives, it’s only human to want him locked up. That’s why it’s criminal behaviour, because no one should get away with it.

I’ve just read this all too.
Stay strong

@timeisnotaline

I’ve just read all this op. I’m so glad you got a new better job, if I knew my gym treated staff with dv concerns like this I’d go in and get the manager into the lobby and shout why I was cancelling my membership so everyone there could hear. Good luck with the rest of the process, his family are awful and permanently blocked is the only way for it. Don’t feel bad about your motives, it’s only human to want him locked up. That’s why it’s criminal behaviour, because no one should get away with it.

Me too, it's completely outrageous and if there's a point when it's appropriate to name them I think they would rightly feel the wrath of their members.

You seem so strong and you should be so proud of yourself for getting through this. If I were you I would politely and bluntly explain the severity of the situation to your new workplace: most places will want to support you I hope.

@Laladell - just popping back in to check on you and to let you know that it’s not just a UK thing. We are having same issues in Aus. At least one woman per week killed in DV situation and more than 75% of SA victims don’t even report as the process is so brutal. Our govt is basically five mins to Trump. 🤮🤦🏼‍♀️🤮🤦🏼‍♀️🤮Thought I’d share this blurb floating around SM at the moment.

Hello everyone ur messages and support literally means more than people realise, trying so hard to get my life on some sort of track while having this constantly on the back of my mind is hard but really trying 😬

@Mintyt

Hello *@Laladell*, just popping by how are things going

Hiya sorry my notifications haven't been coming through much x

I'm doing OK, just trying to focus with work and stay as busy as possible, I rejoined a gym but with work atm hard to go but that's not a bad thing I guess.

I went out for the first time in about 3 years on Saturday night with one of my friends. I haven't been able to look forward to anything like that in such a long time! I wasn't ever allowed out with friends before only him and it would always end up horribley so that was really nice tbh

Just feel like I constantly have this in the back of my mind though, and it's just the uncertainty of him may not be getting charged which I really hope he does... I so glad I didn't listen to my oic and put the statement in lol xxx

We’re proud of you, Kiddo! Very happy that you’ve reconnected with friends. You don’t need a guy’s permission to do anything - ever. You’re your own boss.

Every time you have a wobble, think of all the Mumsnetters who are rooting for you.

You should be proud of how far you have come. You may not be able to see it yet, but you have come so far. Keep going!!!

@Frymetothemoon

Every time you have a wobble, think of all the Mumsnetters who are rooting for you.

You should be proud of how far you have come. You may not be able to see it yet, but you have come so far. Keep going!!!

Thank you so much 🥺 it really has helped especially as sometimes I'm feeling so helpless! It's so strange because it's constantly on my mind even when I'm doing normal things it's like it's embedded can't wait for it all to be over but trying to move forward still. And it's so amazing to have u all behind me 🥺 xxxx

@Justilou1

We’re proud of you, Kiddo! Very happy that you’ve reconnected with friends. You don’t need a guy’s permission to do anything - ever. You’re your own boss.

Thank you it means soooo sooo much ❤❤❤❤❤❤

@FelicityPike

I’ve just read this all too. Stay strong

I'm trying ❤ thank you so much xx