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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Child conference and pre proceedings

348 replies

Mumtobe2021x · 25/08/2021 21:43

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

OP posts:
Monr0e · 25/08/2021 21:56

My experience of social services is that they will do their upmost to keep your baby with, providing they can see that you are acting in their best interests and trying to protect them.

Is this your first child? Have you clearly separated from your baby's father? I hope you are 9k following the abuse and are being supported through it.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/08/2021 21:59

The child protection plan is standard when there is a newborn and high risk/very recent domestic abuse. The PLO is very serious and you need to take it seriously. It means they have discussed it with a solicitor and believe they have threshold to go to court and possibly remove the baby IF things don't change. You must listen carefully at the meeting and do what your solicitor says. You must do what you sign up to do.
Whose idea was it for him to see the baby at your dad's house? Who is supervising?

serialname · 25/08/2021 22:11

If things are as serious as they sound, I'm not sure agreeing to contact at your address is a good idea. Social services will want to be sure you can safeguard your child.... the easiest way to do this is to have NO further contact with your baby's father.

If you are not married do not put him on the birth certificate and if he wants contact he can apply for this via the courts.

mrsed1987 · 25/08/2021 22:13

Both are serious. The initial Cp conference will be all professionals involved and yourself, discussion around the things that are working well and what people are worried about, as well as what is expected of you in making sure you are keeping your baby safe.

Pre proceedings means that the Local authority are so concerned that if you don't engage with what is asked of you then they could apply for a legal order to potentially remove the baby from you.

My advise would be to listen carefully to the concerns and spend some time reflecting on what you want your babies life to be like. Clearly DV is an issue they are concerned about so I'm guessing there have been incidents between you or he has previous with other partners? Domestic abuse has such a huge impact on children, even tiny babies.

It's great you have support from your family too. I wish you all the best.

CrimeJunkie01 · 25/08/2021 22:16

It will all depend on how you respond to the conference to be honest. They will want you to be recognising the danger and be willing to take steps to address it. I saw your previous deleted thread and I thi k you need to realise that you are at real risk of losing the baby if you aren't really very honest with them. Good luck.

CornishTiger · 25/08/2021 22:19

placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway

How you said this is important as it sounds like you are not accepting the risks and minimising the DV.

Social believe she is at risk. No the baby is at risk of harm from DV. That’s something you need to understand.

And work with the programmes and charities to support you recognise it and understand your vulnerabilities and change your boundaries so it you are protected in future.

I would not recommend contact in family home at all.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 25/08/2021 22:32

You need to get your own solicitor, not one chosen by social services. They will advise you what to do at the PLO. Some cases are best dealt with in court proceedings, others it’s best to keep out of court. Only a solicitor can advise you. You are better off with one from out of area.

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 08:45

@Monr0e

My experience of social services is that they will do their upmost to keep your baby with, providing they can see that you are acting in their best interests and trying to protect them.

Is this your first child? Have you clearly separated from your baby's father? I hope you are 9k following the abuse and are being supported through it.

Me and babies dad have both separated I’ve moved out , we both want to be apart of babies life we separate
OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 08:46

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

The child protection plan is standard when there is a newborn and high risk/very recent domestic abuse. The PLO is very serious and you need to take it seriously. It means they have discussed it with a solicitor and believe they have threshold to go to court and possibly remove the baby IF things don't change. You must listen carefully at the meeting and do what your solicitor says. You must do what you sign up to do. Whose idea was it for him to see the baby at your dad's house? Who is supervising?
They asked me about contact with the baby for him and I said yeah he can visit her supervised and my dad and his mom have to be present to supervise it and they said I can be in the same house but in a separate room
OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2021 08:46

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

You need to get your own solicitor, not one chosen by social services. They will advise you what to do at the PLO. Some cases are best dealt with in court proceedings, others it’s best to keep out of court. Only a solicitor can advise you. You are better off with one from out of area.
The solicitor won't be chosen by social services, she has misunderstood. The social worker will give her a letter than she then takes to a solicitor of her choice.
Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 08:47

@serialname

If things are as serious as they sound, I'm not sure agreeing to contact at your address is a good idea. Social services will want to be sure you can safeguard your child.... the easiest way to do this is to have NO further contact with your baby's father.

If you are not married do not put him on the birth certificate and if he wants contact he can apply for this via the courts.

The social worker also agreed to this contact she wrote the contact agreement out and signed it aswell as me, the babies dad , my dad and his mom
OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 08:53

@CornishTiger

placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway

How you said this is important as it sounds like you are not accepting the risks and minimising the DV.

Social believe she is at risk. No the baby is at risk of harm from DV. That’s something you need to understand.

And work with the programmes and charities to support you recognise it and understand your vulnerabilities and change your boundaries so it you are protected in future.

I would not recommend contact in family home at all.

Well I suggested maybe contact in a visitation center or something but the social worker was the one who said have it in the home because she is newborn and can’t be travelling back and fourth all the time. Also when her dad asked the aocial if he could take her with him for a few hours to see her the social worker said no , but she didn’t say no because she was concerned incase any thing happened she said no because the baby is so young and can’t be travelling far away for so long.

I can see there concerns are about our relationship and the affect that could potentially have on a baby like obviously If we had a shouting match and the baby is present obviously that’s going to have an impact on the baby. It’s not that they think the babies dad is going to directly harm the baby but obviously If a baby is present and things get heated then it will have an impact on the baby even if it wasn’t intentional. Which is why we’ve agreed for him to have contact with the baby with me out the room. And for my dad and his mom to be there just incase things did get heated and they can escort him to leave

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2021 08:55

Has your dad now decided to get involved with the social worker? I'm not sure how he can be relied on to supervise contact if he doesn't.

serialname · 26/08/2021 09:01

Has baby's dad harmed you?? I doubt social services are so involved over you both having words.

Men who hurt their partners can NOT be trusted around children, and especially not around babies.

He may have decided he wants to be involved in baby's life, but your child's need to be protected trumps that. Stop helping him and out your child's needs first

MrsRobbieHart · 26/08/2021 09:02

I would cancel the contact arrangement. It’s far too risky. You may stay out of the room initially but you will find a reason to go into the room eventually. The social worker should never have agreed to your ex being in your house after DV. It’s outrageous tbh.

Mayhemmumma · 26/08/2021 09:05

A Child protection conference is a multi agency meeting (police, health, probation, schools etc) where a decision is made about if your baby is considered at risk of significant harm - the plan is put in place to safeguard baby in your care and reviewed after a number of months to see if it is effective and that parents are working with professionals and keeping baby safe.

PLO - Public Law Outline is the process before the local authority apply to the courts for your child to be potentially removed from your care. Within these pre proceedings the local authority needs to explain what steps you need to take to prevent the case going into court, with your legal representative present. Social worker will be asked to plan for both eventualities of baby staying with you or being removed. They will assess all family on both sides who might be able to safely care for your child. They will make a plan of the assessments they need to do before going to court - parenting assessments, hair strand testing if there are concerns about drugs or alcohol.

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 09:26

@serialname

Has baby's dad harmed you?? I doubt social services are so involved over you both having words.

Men who hurt their partners can NOT be trusted around children, and especially not around babies.

He may have decided he wants to be involved in baby's life, but your child's need to be protected trumps that. Stop helping him and out your child's needs first

They believe he has harmed me
OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 26/08/2021 09:27

They believe he has harmed me

That’s not the answer to the question you were asked. Is this how you are when speaking with social services?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2021 09:34

Unfortunately @Mumtobe2021x I don't think things will go well for you if you continue to minimise the harm he has done to you and your baby.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 09:36

Do you believe he has harmed you OP?

He pushed you, smashed your phone and threatened to harm your family but you still seem to speak in riddles about the situation. "They believe he has harmed me."

If you're asked on the spot by them "has he harmed you" would your answer be no, or (as it should be) "he has frightened me, pushed me, smashed my phone up so I couldn't use it and threatened to hurt my family so yes he has harmed me in a number of different ways."

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 09:37

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Unfortunately *@Mumtobe2021x* I don't think things will go well for you if you continue to minimise the harm he has done to you and your baby.
I’m not minimising anything, I’ve told them I’m not going to be present when he has contact to avoid incidents. Surely If they thought he was this much of a risk to the baby they would not of signed an agreement to let him see his child
OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/08/2021 09:39

You said you wanted him to have contact in your house
You are the mother. At the moment ONLY you can make decisions about who sees baby and when.
They are not in charge of you or responsible for making decisions.
You still say they think he has harmed you. You are minimising.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 26/08/2021 09:40

They believe he has harmed me

Bloody hell OP, did he or didn't he? I'm not sure the language you're using shows your understanding of how serious the situation is. Your child is at risk of being removed because they suspect you might not be able to keep them safe. It really is that simple - black and white. If he did harm you and you are downplaying it, they will take a much more conservative approach. If he didn't then have they somehow got evidence you can argue against?

MrsRobbieHart · 26/08/2021 09:42

OP YOU need to cancel the contact agreement. You need to take control here. Social services will be watching to see what you are willing to allow and so far you have shown them you are willing to allow your abuser into your home and around your baby. That is not good for you! Show them you are smarter than that. Show them you are capable of thinking things through properly and making appropriate decisions regarding the safety of yourself and your child. Social services don’t have the authority to force you to let your ex have contact with your baby in your house. He can go to court to get contact. Cancel the arrangement.

drspouse · 26/08/2021 09:44

Are your dad and his mum really going to stand up to a bully like him?

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