Child conference and pre proceedings

[Mumtobe2021x]

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

Amazed this thread hasn’t been deleted by now tbh

@Cleverpolly3

Amazed this thread hasn’t been deleted by now tbh

Me too. I can see people have given up now

Flogging and dead horses spring to mind Pebble

I can see what will happen here. It's not going to be pretty.

She doesn't listen. She wastes her time justifying why he should have a relationship with the baby. This is more to do with her winning brownie points by not being difficult about contact so he opens his arms and she goes running back. That's exactly what will happen

Yet in your last post you said he pushed you o the ground and really hurt you

.

I'm sure I recognise you from an earlier post this week through your reference of "the social". If I remember rightly, you were still trying to have a relationship with the father despite concerns from social services. If you want to keep the baby you need to keep them safe. Social services don't take children away for no reason but they will have to if you put your baby in harms way.

IME there are a minority of women who are with abusive partners because it serves a fucked up need they have to live the highs and lows of 'love'.

The outcomes - which include loosing their child - is just another part of the drama that they choose.

Even this thread, where every poster says op shouldn't let her ex anywhere near her child, is really just her living out this desire for extreme attention.

Fingers crossed SS can protect this child.

Op seems so keen to defend the violent ex. She believes he has a right to see his child and form a relationship. But, in law parents have responsibilities, children have rights. This violent arsehole has no 'right' to have contact.

Op doesn't seem to be putting her unborn child first and since domestic abuse in pregnancy has long lasting damaging effects on bonding before and after birth, with implications for attachment and care in the medium term this child is already at a disadvantage.

Children in care overwhelmingly come from homes where there is domestic violence. Children suffer attachment disorders that effect them their entire life, they suffer trauma that effects their developing brains, they fail to meet developmental milestones, develop ADHD, and complex diagnosis such as emergent unstable personality disorders, often end up with issues around emotional regulation that means their emotional age and resilience is that of children ages between 3-5 years, often end up self harming in their teen years and are more vulnerable to CSE, county lines, drugs, ........

OP just stay the fuck away from this man. He has no absolute legal, or ethical right to have contact with your child.

@MiniTheMinx

Op seems so keen to defend the violent ex. She believes he has a right to see his child and form a relationship. But, in law parents have responsibilities, children have rights. This violent arsehole has no 'right' to have contact.

Op doesn't seem to be putting her unborn child first and since domestic abuse in pregnancy has long lasting damaging effects on bonding before and after birth, with implications for attachment and care in the medium term this child is already at a disadvantage.

Children in care overwhelmingly come from homes where there is domestic violence. Children suffer attachment disorders that effect them their entire life, they suffer trauma that effects their developing brains, they fail to meet developmental milestones, develop ADHD, and complex diagnosis such as emergent unstable personality disorders, often end up with issues around emotional regulation that means their emotional age and resilience is that of children ages between 3-5 years, often end up self harming in their teen years and are more vulnerable to CSE, county lines, drugs, ........

OP just stay the fuck away from this man. He has no absolute legal, or ethical right to have contact with your child.

This is so accurate

Having been through extreme d v in pregnancy this rings through

@Pebbledashery

When she mentions the fire service you know it's the same poster.

Yes why were the Fire service called to a domestic in a car park?!

We’re all worrying about you being so keen to set up contact - does the father want to see the child as much as you want him to?
What will you do if he doesn’t turn up?
Supervised contact is difficult for the supervised person and a lot just drop it off. What would you do then?
If he was so keen he’d have been planning and pushing for it - instead he pushed you away at his door because he just doesn’t want the hassle of it all - I doubt he’ll want the hassle of supervised contact long - or of you hunting him down to make sure he takes it. Please let him make his own decisions about his involvement.
CP is not tick and done and you need to focus on protecting baby properly, looking after baby, sorting yourself out - not the father’s contact.

As far as I remember one of the previous threads mentioned he had been banned from the hospital where OP will give birth as deemed a risk to patients.
There is likely far more to this story than we are hearing.
OP you have been given some really good advice on this thread.

Obviously if he did become any sort of danger to her in the slightest then I would not let him see her whatsoever but as it stands I know he will not be any danger to her at all and especially he is goi no to be supervised so if he ever did try and be any sort of danger then he would be out straight away the baby would be taken away from the situation and he would not be allowed to see her again but I’m not going to stop him seeing her when he’s not going to do anything to her. My dad also has no issue with him seeing her my dads met him loads of times and not once has things ever got escalated hence why I think my dad is a safe person to supervise as he’s always been calm around my dad no problems at all so this is a safe way for him to see her daughter and prove himself

Two things stand out here - you can’t see that he has already been a danger to your baby by assaulting you and you continue to make excuses about that assault therefore you’re minimising his violence against the baby.
Secondly, you think your dad is fine supervising contact - I’d have to say if a man had pushed me whilst pregnant, my father would most likely have made damn sure that person never came within a mile of me again, let alone allow him access to a helpless new born baby!

It's all minimising. I can't believe this thread is still going.

If the baby was deemed to be at risk as much as you’re all making it out then surely they would of still gone ahead with the PLO*

The baby isn’t the risk here. You are. He is deemed to be a high risk to you in a domestic setting - that will be what they’ve put into their report, by proxy, the baby will be a medium or high risk when he is with you in that domestic setting.

I’ve been here in a custody dispute. If social services believe you are no longer together the risk is reduced, because he is not a risk to you. If you get back together your child will be flagged again, and another risk assessment undertaken.

If I was you, I would be putting every step in place to make sure that I had made it impossible for him to see me, be around me or to have anything to do me. It is your relationship together that creates the risk.

What I would say is that people with a history of DV, generally don’t go away. They toe the line for a bit and then flare up. He will come back for you. He will try and convince you. The baby is the bridge to doing that. That is the risk for you right now.

And if you do get back together with him, because he’s changed or whatever it is you believe, you’re culpable for neglect - because knowing what he is, you put your child in a room with him.

Stay away from him, protect your daughter, and the moment he starts up again because he will, you have to start proceedings for a non-molestation order for you, and cut contact for the baby.

@MrsBobDylan

IME there are a minority of women who are with abusive partners because it serves a fucked up need they have to live the highs and lows of 'love'.

The outcomes - which include loosing their child - is just another part of the drama that they choose.

Even this thread, where every poster says op shouldn't let her ex anywhere near her child, is really just her living out this desire for extreme attention.

Fingers crossed SS can protect this child.

Agree . An innocent child doesn't deserve a life of instability and the very people meant to protect them, ignoring proper advice and putting them at risk when they are so vulnerable. All it takes is one loss of temper and that defenceless baby could be dead or seriously injured. Even if nothing dramatic happens, living in such an environment with unhealthy dynamics is emotionally and psychologically so damaging for children, which then taints the rest of their lives as adults. It's madness when there are SO many childless couples who would absolutely love to give a baby a peaceful, loving home and the best chance of a good life. Hope social services make the right decision for this baby

@Mumtobe2021x If you decide to stay with/maintain contact with your ex, that's your decision but either way, please consider giving your baby for adoption. Giving a child for adoption is a loving act and as their biological mother it's a selfless, beautiful thing to offer them the life that you will struggle to give them.

Kids notice everything and it affects them
In the 80s when none of this abuse was recognised my Dad spoke to my mum like shit and did things that would now be considered coercive control
It really affected me in that I chose men just like him. I noticed all of it and I disliked him. I hoped my parents would divorce. I knew he hated my mum and he never had to say the words or raise his voice.

The OP also fails to realise that the Child protection plan is not a tick box exercise by SS. She and baby will be subjected to regular scrutiny where her thoughts and actions will be considered to be of benefit or detriment to her daughters environmental physical emotional welfare, both presently and in her future. Depending on progress, the PLO can be initiated. She will have already been given a list of targets to meet Her baby should be her focus, not babies father( even if she's saying they've split) I despair

OP for what it's worth, I have 2 adopted DC. Their birth parents' relationship sounds a lot like what you have described. Their birth mum talked the talk, as you are, about keeping them safe and not taking him back and blah blah, and social services didn't believe her. Don't assume they'll believe you. I think she thought if she said the right thing it'd all go away, it didn't and she lost her children. Don't make the same mistake.

I doubt you'll pay any mind, but I needed to say that.