Child conference and pre proceedings

[Mumtobe2021x]

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

@KarmaViolet

Around a baby and without me in the room he’s not going to have a temper.

1. It's NOT your fault that he is violent and abusive. It's not "you in the room" that is the problem, however much he's told you it is. It's his behaviour.

2. Do you have any idea how despair-inducing tiny babies are? You can't reason with them. You can't solve their problems. You don't always know what's wrong. Their cry is designed to get a response from you. You can change them and feed them and cuddle them and they STILL cry, and you go to feed them and they push the boob / bottle away, or accidentally biff one of their little fists into your face. If an adult he supposedly loves can provoke his temper then you can be certain that a crying baby will.

I can put my life on it that he would not cause no harm to this baby in any way

Let's hope that gamble is never tested.

He used to be his nephews full time carer when he was newborn he not once put the baby at risk not once shouted at him he was safe

How on earth do you know that? Because of what he's told you?

He used to be his nephews full time carer when he was newborn he not once put the baby at risk not once shouted at him he was safe

How do you know?

Oh OP everything you're saying is making your case worse not better and that's going to be how SS hear it too.

He told you he never shouted at his nephew. You don't know he never did.

He probably told you he wouldn't push you / smash your phone up again and yet repeatedly did that stuff.

He probably told you he would never hurt you at some point and yet repeatedly did stuff that made you upset.

You're basing your risk assessment of your child's safety on the word of a man who you know pushed you, while pregnant, smashed your phone up and threatened to hurt your family.

Do you GENUINELY not see how poor judgement that shows?

There are women on here who have fought long and hard to keep their abusive ex’s away from their children, and had Family Court let them down every step of the way.

You have a chance to stop this before it even starts.

Also your child is an extension of you.

He holds you in such contempt he repeatedly behaved abusively to you. Including pushing you while pregnant.

You don't think he would use the baby to frighten you / coerce you into behaving how he wants / punish you if you don't?

Wow.

What SpaceBethSmith said , with bells on

I read your last thread where you said your ex pushed you and hit you. That's not just having words.
If he can do that to do, he can do that to the baby. A push or a hit could kill your baby.

For contact, you need to leave the house not just go to another room. Staying in the house could cause arguments and you could lose your child.

You need to cut all contact with him completely.

You need to get your own solicitor and do every single thing the social workers and the solicitors tell you to do.

You can't turn up at his or his mates refusing to leave until he talks to you.

You need to accept the relationship is over and there's no going back

I used to minute child protection case conferences. They are taking this much more seriously than you seem to be, and that will be a red flag to them. They would not be involved unless they had serious concerns beyond raised voices in front of a child.

Before the meeting, the social worker will circulate a report which lists risks and protective factors under various headings. They need the protective factors to outweigh the risks. If they do not think they do, the social worker will recommend that the baby goes on a child protection plan. Because newborns are so vulnerable, they may also recommend pre-proceedings so s/he can be removed quickly if necessary.

At the meeting, all professionals involved will have a chance to speak and so will you. You MUST show that you take this seriously and that you will put your child's needs above your needs and your feelings for or about your ex. If they think he is a risk you MUST treat him as if he were a risk, even if you don't believe it. If you minimise anything, there is a very high chance you will lose your baby. I can't emphasise that enough. The meeting will be chaired by an Independent Chair who is usually a former social worker. At the end of the meeting all professionals vote on the action to take, and a plan of action is agreed.

They believe that because it's true (or did you forget what you told us in your last post)

I think it's dangerous to effectively coach the OP to make the right noises at conferences.

The baby will be safer if all parties actually see how the OP is viewing this, and act accordingly.

Theres a lady who made a post a few weeks about about her ex who gets supervised visits. Her ex was found guilty in court for child abuse but is still allowed contact. It's supervised because they believe he is a danger to your child. I just can't fathom why you think he isnt

I believe you are not taking this seriously enough. If ss believe that you are continuing to minimise his behaviour and make excuses for him, ie he’s fine when he’s not drinking , they may feel that your baby is at risk of harm. If they feel that your baby is at a continuing risk of harm they will seek a court order to have your baby removed from your care. Your ex sounds extremely volatile and aggressive you need to accept it not dismiss it . You need to do exactly what social services tell you to do and just as importantly, be seen to do exactly what they tell you to do. If you break the rules so to speak, expect them to step in and act immediately. Above all else your baby’s wellbeing must come first.

Why was he full time caring for his newborn nephew?

Someone with a temper (who needs to attend classes to manage his temper), someone who pushes (which is physical violence) another person, someone who smashes property (again physical violence) is a bully.

Sorry OP but if you don't get your head out of your arse and soon you will lose your child

At least the protection processes put in place by society appear to be working.

@SpaceBethSmith

There are women on here who have fought long and hard to keep their abusive ex’s away from their children, and had Family Court let them down every step of the way.

You have a chance to stop this before it even starts.

This. I'm one of them. I can't even bring myself to give you all the advice that I usually give on these threads because you won't take it. You're already showing you don't prioritise your child over anything else.

@Mumtobe2021x

One more thing id like to mention is all these incidents that happened between us have been when he’s been drinking , which is not an excuse at all. But when he’s not had a drink he’s fine nothing happens. He’s not going to be drunk around the baby obviously not. And maybe he can go on some alcohol missuse courses aswell

Yeah because abusive drunk dad's always stay sober for the kids don't they?

I thought of you @Pebbledashery but didn't want to tag something triggering. I'm so sorry you have to read about people not understanding the opportunity they're being given to keep their child safe after what you've been through fighting tirelessly for yours

@wewereliars

I think it's dangerous to effectively coach the OP to make the right noises at conferences.

The baby will be safer if all parties actually see how the OP is viewing this, and act accordingly.

Agreed

@Mumtobe2021x You don't think shoving you whilst pregnant was putting your baby at risk?

If he isn't worried about harming the baby before it's born why do you think he will be OK once it's here?

[quote ChequerBoard]@Mumtobe2021x You don't think shoving you whilst pregnant was putting your baby at risk?

If he isn't worried about harming the baby before it's born why do you think he will be OK once it's here?[/quote]
Exactly. And when it's crying / won't settle / doesn't do as it's told because it's a baby. Or when it's a toddler and finds it's voice.

Social services do not have such a massive involvement at a one off first time report if there’s no or low risk.

There’s clearly a massive risk to your child for SS to be so involved.

I had social services involvement when leaving an abusive ex. They came to my house had a look around saw I was no longer living with him and took my solicitors ferias to double check I was getting divorced and closed the case.
Ex was not directly violent to the DC either.

You need to choose, this man or your child.