He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

[Doyoumind]

He's being a total dick.

[NellDodds]

He humiliated you in front of a friend? Ditch him and then lose weight for you.

[alltalknobaby]

Do you want to lose weight? You could very quickly lose 14/15 stone…

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Lose 11 stone of useless flesh instantly by dumping him.

[NatMoz]

That is so inappropriate to say to you never mind in the presence of someone else.

[DismantledKing]

That’s a fucking awful thing for him to say

[Ritasueandbobtoo9]

You need to lose the weight…,,

11 STONE of MAN weight!!!

[Lolabray]

Wow. I’d be getting my bags packed for a better future

[invisibleoldwoman]

He is being a total dick. How can he love you and behave like this? Get rid of him now. You deserve better. If he can behave like this now what is he going to be like when you are married?

[AliasGrape]

Hes awful and you definitely should be thinking about whether you want to be with him.

[PatchworkElmer]

Dump him, OP.

[Velcropaws]

Lose him instead!

[M0rT]

I'd try to have a dispassionate look at your relationship as it stands now.
Is he kind? Does it feel like a partnership? Is the division of responsibility fairly even and do you both pick up each others slack automatically if one of you is Ill/works mad hours/has to help family etc
Do you feel like if you lost your job/got a bad diagnosis he would have your back?
Does he make you laugh? Do you fancy him?
If you won a holiday would he be your first choice to bring because he's the person you want to be with the most or because you feel you should?
I was so happy when I got engaged I was terrified something was going to happen to DH to take away my happiness.
I'm not saying that's healthy but would you be elated if you got engaged and you imagined spending your life with him?

[Pashazade]

Nope. This is not someone who loves you, what would he do if you lost it all, he proposed and then life happens and you put it back on? Divorce you? Not acceptable.

[thecognoscenti]

Oh, honey, no. You deserve so much better than this.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

Very inconsiderate for him to say that and hurtful, it says to me he doesn't care about your feelings.
But mumsnet is notorious for being in denial when it comes to weight, I don't know your story OP , is it a case of your doctor has warned you it's a massive health risk, have you got diabetes, blood pressure etc and are very poorly due to weight? Was he ham fistedly trying to help you?

[ChardonnaysPetDragon]

Dump.

I never say this, but this time even I will.

[SunshineCake]

Another woman with such low self esteem you didn't immediately kick him out for such a vacuous comment. What has happened to you to make you think you are worth so little this is not a leave situation?

What happens if you have a baby and can't lose the weight, or chose not too? What happens should you become ill?

Saying what he said is not what someone does to encourage a weight loss programme.

Lose him for sure then decide for yourself if you would like to be a different weight.

[GlaskinsPerpetual]

Best to ditch him as what if you lost it then put weight back on in future. (Very possible) He might divorce you

[thecognoscenti]

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Very inconsiderate for him to say that and hurtful, it says to me he doesn't care about your feelings.
But mumsnet is notorious for being in denial when it comes to weight, I don't know your story OP , is it a case of your doctor has warned you it's a massive health risk, have you got diabetes, blood pressure etc and are very poorly due to weight? Was he ham fistedly trying to help you?

No no no. Even if she's huge and at risk of damaging her health it's not for him to (a) make it a condition of his proposing marriage and (b) say it in front of her friend! Fuck that shit.

[spotcheck]

So......
Once you lose weight, you'll have earned the ultimate prize of....him?

No. So, now you're good enough to warm his bed, but not good enough to fully commit to?
Will your weight loss be a condition of your marriage too?
What happens after you get married if you gain weight again?

What if you get ill, or get in an accident? He's clearly comfortable putting conditions on your relationship.

His statement is so deeply wrong.

[Ozberry]

I’d be shocked if a friend’s OH said that to me and I’d be taking her under my wing. I hope your friend has.
That was an awful thing to say.

[Azerothi]

Do you live with this current boyfriend? Do you have children already?

[namechange30455]

A proposal is an affirmation that he wants to be with you forever. He's saying he only wants to marry you if you're thinner.

How nasty.