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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fucking hate him. What a total bastard

462 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 22:58

Okay, fuming so apologies for typing.
About 5/6 months ago we were going through a very bad patch. We talked all day one Saturday for 6 hours, got no where. At the end of the conversation he started crying, like really crying. Told me he had a thing for big bums - which I don’t have. In his words, ‘I would want to fuck you every night if you had bum surgery’. Went on to explain in detail how much he likes big bums. I was totally crushed.
I cannot begin to explain what effect this has had on my self esteem. I look after myself, lower end of bmi even after dd15 and twins 10 that I was induced for so very big.
We worked things out eventually, we were loved up for a while, couldn’t keep hands off each other. In all this time though he has never tried to make me feel better, even though he knows I am still devastated about what he said. I do bum work outs 4 times a day, everyday. I cannot bare my bum. Can hardly look at it, everything I wear is to cover it.
He has made out since that night he doesn’t have a thing for big bums, he was confused, we weren’t getting on. Now things are good he realised he likes my bum because he loves me.
Tonight we were watching a film. The girl on it was very attractive, very small none existent bum. I asked him if he thought she was attractive, yes. Fine, she was, no issues. - relieved as she has small bum. I asked if he liked her bum, yes. So I said but she has a small hun I thought you liked big bums, he said he likes big bums as much as small bums.
Evening continued, everything fine but he started being distant. He went in kitchen came back in, asked why I was crying - I wasn’t. Then stormed off back in kitchen.
I am livid. So, he thought I was upset about the bum conversation tonight, so instead of reassuring me in someway gets angry and storms off?!!! Wtf. What a twat.
I called him out on it, he went mad, stormed off again in his car and gone.
I always let him walk all over me, I am sure af I am not going to sit here and say nothing that he thought I was crying and got angry about it!!! Who even does that. So cold.
Wouldn’t care, I wasn’t even crying.

OP posts:
BrozTito · 08/08/2021 23:01

Where am i

JulesCobb · 08/08/2021 23:02

This is ridiculous. Really. So what if he likes big bums? Thats not the issue. The issue is he was a twat and was making excuses not to have sex with you and blaming you for it, instead of saying what his actual issue was.

LittleFroggie · 08/08/2021 23:02

OP, why are you with him? The bum saga is a misnomer- are you happy with him?

pinkflamingo21 · 08/08/2021 23:02

My boyfriend can be the same, they are selfish sometimes

flubbagump · 08/08/2021 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 08/08/2021 23:05

I am sorry but you sound like teenagers.

Doublestar · 08/08/2021 23:05

I have never seen the word "bum" mentioned so many times in one post!

Your problem OP is that as soon as the words "I would f* you every night if you had bum surgery" were out of his mouth you should've packed his bags and flung them, with him, out the door - never to return.

He is a literal arse. And shallow, childish and revolting to boot.

Inthesameboatatmo · 08/08/2021 23:05

What are you getting out of this relationship op.

VsgKitt · 08/08/2021 23:05

Well I know my DP would model his perfect woman on a size 10 32Dd frame but I'm the mother of his kids and am more like a hefty teletubby but I know he loves me.
He would never tell me I should get surgery to be more attractive to him.

Why are you with him?

Pinchoftums · 08/08/2021 23:06

If this is real. Your self worth had to come from other things other than your appearance. Life is short. Concentrate on making yourself feel good over what you do, how you feel, your job, your kids, not how big your arse is. It's an irrelevance. If your partner feels it is important they need to move on. Take pride in what you do not what random bit of your body looks like.

Daydrambeliever · 08/08/2021 23:06

Honestly. Your bum whether big or small is not really the issue here. Bringing up an issue from 6 months ago tonight was not something someone in a healthy, happy relationship would do. I think you would have better relationships if you went away and worked on your self esteem.

TenPenceMix · 08/08/2021 23:08

The biggest arse here is him!

user1471442488 · 08/08/2021 23:08

Wtf indeed

Doyoumind · 08/08/2021 23:08

@BrozTito

Where am i
Grin

MN has been a strange place this weekend.

Pinchoftums · 08/08/2021 23:08

Do people really put up with this sort of shit.

PickAChew · 08/08/2021 23:09

The only arse you need to get is with him for being so bloody shallow.

OK, and maybe yourself for doing the most ridiculous pick me dance, ever.

herethereandeverywhere · 08/08/2021 23:09

Is the problem that he cannot lie? 🤔

Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 23:09

I just feel totally crushed. We have been together 13 years, he is a bum man, never been interested in my boobs, only ever my bum. For him to say what he did that night was like him saying he doesn’t find me sexy anymore. I can’t get past it. All I wanted was for him to make me feel better about myself instead of embarrassed.
I just don’t trust anything he says, he has never brought it up, when I have (total of 5 times), he was nice and tried to make me feel better, always said he didn’t like big bums, his head was messed up with everything, he was sorry.
As stupid as it is tonight was the first time he has said in fact he does.
He was a twat, I had every right to cry but I actually wasn’t. He won’t talk to me knowing I am angry and upset. Shouted at me and left - again.
I am fuming

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 23:11

@flubbagump okay, is that meant to be funny or just plain cruel? Thanks

OP posts:
DerbyshireMama · 08/08/2021 23:12

This thread gave me an aneurysm

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2021 23:12
Confused

What?

ZednotZee · 08/08/2021 23:12

Trying very hard not to burst in to song right now.

You know the one...

OP, this is ridiculous.

pinkflamingo21 · 08/08/2021 23:13

I have huge confidence issues with appearance so completely understand. PM me if you need a chat x

Livandme · 08/08/2021 23:13

Op, if the size of your arse is an issue in your relationship, I think you need to get rid of the biggest arse in it.

Pinchoftums · 08/08/2021 23:14

You seem to see yourself as nothing more important than tits or arse. Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself? Is this really that significant? Surely your personality, skills, humour, intelligence, mothering, cooking, art stuff whatever is more important that some wobbly bits of your body.