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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I fucking hate him. What a total bastard

462 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 22:58

Okay, fuming so apologies for typing.
About 5/6 months ago we were going through a very bad patch. We talked all day one Saturday for 6 hours, got no where. At the end of the conversation he started crying, like really crying. Told me he had a thing for big bums - which I don’t have. In his words, ‘I would want to fuck you every night if you had bum surgery’. Went on to explain in detail how much he likes big bums. I was totally crushed.
I cannot begin to explain what effect this has had on my self esteem. I look after myself, lower end of bmi even after dd15 and twins 10 that I was induced for so very big.
We worked things out eventually, we were loved up for a while, couldn’t keep hands off each other. In all this time though he has never tried to make me feel better, even though he knows I am still devastated about what he said. I do bum work outs 4 times a day, everyday. I cannot bare my bum. Can hardly look at it, everything I wear is to cover it.
He has made out since that night he doesn’t have a thing for big bums, he was confused, we weren’t getting on. Now things are good he realised he likes my bum because he loves me.
Tonight we were watching a film. The girl on it was very attractive, very small none existent bum. I asked him if he thought she was attractive, yes. Fine, she was, no issues. - relieved as she has small bum. I asked if he liked her bum, yes. So I said but she has a small hun I thought you liked big bums, he said he likes big bums as much as small bums.
Evening continued, everything fine but he started being distant. He went in kitchen came back in, asked why I was crying - I wasn’t. Then stormed off back in kitchen.
I am livid. So, he thought I was upset about the bum conversation tonight, so instead of reassuring me in someway gets angry and storms off?!!! Wtf. What a twat.
I called him out on it, he went mad, stormed off again in his car and gone.
I always let him walk all over me, I am sure af I am not going to sit here and say nothing that he thought I was crying and got angry about it!!! Who even does that. So cold.
Wouldn’t care, I wasn’t even crying.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 08/08/2021 23:36

Where am i

In the land of bums where a man who likes big bums needs to look in the mirror and see the giant bum staring right back at him.

Deadringer · 08/08/2021 23:36

So fucking what if he likes big bums and you don't have one? It's not some huge, important, life changing revelation. I like tall, handsome, billionaires but it doesn't stop me loving or fancying my ordinary looking, shortarse, broke dh. He is lucky to have you, make sure he knows it.

Suzi888 · 08/08/2021 23:37

@ZednotZee

Trying very hard not to burst in to song right now.

You know the one...

OP, this is ridiculous.

Me too Blush Honestly OP I think you’ve been a bit sensitive, unless this is a drip feed.
FortunesFave · 08/08/2021 23:39

Nobody can 'make you feel better about yourself' oP. NOBODY. Only you can do that.

SRS29 · 08/08/2021 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

VictoriousPlum · 08/08/2021 23:40

I don't know. OP has posted about this before, it seems.

LuluJakey1 · 08/08/2021 23:40

@Doublestar

I have never seen the word "bum" mentioned so many times in one post!

Your problem OP is that as soon as the words "I would f* you every night if you had bum surgery" were out of his mouth you should've packed his bags and flung them, with him, out the door - never to return.

He is a literal arse. And shallow, childish and revolting to boot.

15 bums
NoProblem123 · 08/08/2021 23:41

Now I’ve got a headache.

PatchworkElmer · 08/08/2021 23:43

He’s probably fed up because you interrogated him about it tonight for no real reason?

KhalliWhalli · 08/08/2021 23:45

Is he a baboon?

Opentooffers · 08/08/2021 23:46

I think you missed the bigger picture, it's not about your bum, it's about wanting to upset you on purpose, it's him getting a kick out of hammering your self esteem. This is a man who is deep down insecure and knows he's not all that, but to make his ego feel better he belittles you. He couldn't hide that he was disappointed that you weren't crying, because he expected what he said would make you cry. He set out on purpose to make you cry.
I'll bet you work so hard on your bum, because it's not been your favourite thing about yourself, and you've let him know it - so after hashing out things for 6 hours, where he was probably feeling like he had no leg to stand on, because his behaviour is wrong, he got upset, then he plucked your insecure thing out and deliberately said the opposite of what you are, not because he even this that. Let's face it, no adult cries over someone's butt shape, he was a shamed man who'd lost in discussion, cried about that so retaliated. He's off in a huff now because you are not as weak as he'd like you to be. Don't let him destroy your soul, because that's what he's aiming for.

LuluJakey1 · 08/08/2021 23:46

'At the end of the conversation he started crying, like really crying. Told me he had a thing for big bums - which I don’t have. In his words, ‘I would want to fuck you every night if you had bum surgery’. Went on to explain in detail how much he likes big bums.'
'I can not bare my bum'
'I asked him if he thought she was attractive, yes. Fine, she was, no issues. - relieved as she has small bum. I asked if he liked her bum, yes. So I said but she has a small hun'
15 bums in total in the post.

I have laughed so much I woke DH up.

Sorry if this is real but it is also really ridiculous.
I too have no bum. I am sure DH likes boobs and bums- I don't have much of either. I don't care.

Doublestar · 08/08/2021 23:47

The cracks started to show a couple of years ago

Aw, bless the OP for just answering the question at face value! OP, he is obvs watching porn involving large bums and the problem now is that he can probably only "get off" on watching woman with big arses do whatever they're doing.
He needs to stop watching porn and start paying attention to his relationship with you, a real live woman, not a fantasy.
But I suspect this will be beyond his tiny little mind.

Look at some of the threads on here about porn addiction. You can't help him if he won't help himself. Personally I couldn't be arsed myself, I'd just dump the twat.

Lolamambam · 08/08/2021 23:47

I don’t get why you asked him if he fancied the girl in the film, then pressing on to ask about her bum.
You need to put it out of your head and not let it bother you if you love each other

DuchessOfDisaster · 08/08/2021 23:47

Jesus wept.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 23:48

Thank you to all who have helped with kind words.

For those being mean - hope you sleep well knowing what kind people you are. It is a very real problem for me which is making me utterly miserable so I reached out to mn for support. Sorry if my post wasn’t about the norm but it is what it is.
If you don’t want to help and you just want to make fun of me please save it. I feel bad enough without people making jokes about my life

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 08/08/2021 23:48

'thinks that'

Pebbledashery · 08/08/2021 23:48

Grow up. Honestly.

farmhouseloving · 08/08/2021 23:49

You can all be so cruel. She doesn't have much confidence and that is a journey to build up, so appreciate that these comments can be really hurtful for her. I have had comments hurt me so I work out 3 times a day just to impress my partner. Stop being mean when you don't struggle with these confidence issues

Iamthewombat · 08/08/2021 23:50

@VaguelyInteresting

He CRIED because of the size of your arse?!

A grown man CRIED because he wanted you to get bum surgery?!

This thread has finished me.

Yeah, this.

I’m sure that the OP has posted about this before and it’s just as ludicrous second time around.

Runkle · 08/08/2021 23:52

rubs eyes Holy Shit! Grin

Babyroobs · 08/08/2021 23:53

@Livandme

Op, if the size of your arse is an issue in your relationship, I think you need to get rid of the biggest arse in it.
This is so funny. But totally true. I honestly can't believe some of the things I read on this site. Do people really attach such massive issues to things. It all sounds like a bit of a bummer to be honest.
Hekatestorch · 08/08/2021 23:54

I am completely baffled as to why you didn't break up when a grown man cried over the size of your arse.

Like really cried over it

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 08/08/2021 23:54

@farmhouseloving thank you for understanding

Why doesn’t anyone get it? If every time you had sex you knew your dp would prefer you to look another way how can that not make you feel horrible? If every time you walk down the street or from one room to another and you know a part of your body bothered your partner enough for you to have surgery how do you get past that? Seriously tell me how?

OP posts:
NameChange2PostThis · 08/08/2021 23:55

@Workinghardeveryday you poor love. I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time here. I recognise you from previous threads. Your partner is an abuser. His crying is a form of emotional manipulation. The bum comment would be funny if it wasn’t a way to further grind your self-confidence into the ground. He has previously called you a cunt in front of your then 5 year old. He punches holes in the walls of your home. He has previously threatened suicide when you have challenged him. He is a nasty nasty man. Please go back to your solicitor. LTB.

By the way, I bet you have a fantastic bum.