I fucking hate him. What a total bastard

[Workinghardeveryday]

Okay, fuming so apologies for typing.
About 5/6 months ago we were going through a very bad patch. We talked all day one Saturday for 6 hours, got no where. At the end of the conversation he started crying, like really crying. Told me he had a thing for big bums - which I don’t have. In his words, ‘I would want to fuck you every night if you had bum surgery’. Went on to explain in detail how much he likes big bums. I was totally crushed.
I cannot begin to explain what effect this has had on my self esteem. I look after myself, lower end of bmi even after dd15 and twins 10 that I was induced for so very big.
We worked things out eventually, we were loved up for a while, couldn’t keep hands off each other. In all this time though he has never tried to make me feel better, even though he knows I am still devastated about what he said. I do bum work outs 4 times a day, everyday. I cannot bare my bum. Can hardly look at it, everything I wear is to cover it.
He has made out since that night he doesn’t have a thing for big bums, he was confused, we weren’t getting on. Now things are good he realised he likes my bum because he loves me.
Tonight we were watching a film. The girl on it was very attractive, very small none existent bum. I asked him if he thought she was attractive, yes. Fine, she was, no issues. - relieved as she has small bum. I asked if he liked her bum, yes. So I said but she has a small hun I thought you liked big bums, he said he likes big bums as much as small bums.
Evening continued, everything fine but he started being distant. He went in kitchen came back in, asked why I was crying - I wasn’t. Then stormed off back in kitchen.
I am livid. So, he thought I was upset about the bum conversation tonight, so instead of reassuring me in someway gets angry and storms off?!!! Wtf. What a twat.
I called him out on it, he went mad, stormed off again in his car and gone.
I always let him walk all over me, I am sure af I am not going to sit here and say nothing that he thought I was crying and got angry about it!!! Who even does that. So cold.
Wouldn’t care, I wasn’t even crying.

Hope this doesn’t turn into a piles-on.

I don't really know what to advise you @Workinghardeveryday but I just wanted to give you a bit of support because you're getting a lot of stick.

If your husband was happy with the size of your bum when he married you then why isn't he now? Probably because he is watching porn.

I wouldn't be working out and trying to change myself for any man. The way he thought you were crying makes me think he enjoys knowing you now feel bad about yourself. I'd be telling him to fuck off.

“The cracks started to show” I don’t mean to be unkind but ^ I think your responses are partially down to the words you’ve chosen!

@KhalliWhalli

Is he a baboon?

Silently shaking with laughter in bed at that!

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@farmhouseloving thank you for understanding

Why doesn’t anyone get it? If every time you had sex you knew your dp would prefer you to look another way how can that not make you feel horrible? If every time you walk down the street or from one room to another and you know a part of your body bothered your partner enough for you to have surgery how do you get past that? Seriously tell me how?[/quote]
I'd tell him to go and find a fat arsed girl to be honest. i couldn't be doing with such a shallow dickhead.

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@farmhouseloving thank you for understanding

Why doesn’t anyone get it? If every time you had sex you knew your dp would prefer you to look another way how can that not make you feel horrible? If every time you walk down the street or from one room to another and you know a part of your body bothered your partner enough for you to have surgery how do you get past that? Seriously tell me how?[/quote]
I am a size 20. I can't imagine dp complaining if I dropped to a 12. But I am not a 22 and he loves me anyway.

I quote fancy Chris Hemsworth. Like a man who is fit. Dp has a beer belly (though not through beer) but does have huge arms and shoulders. I think he is definitely sexy. I enjoy having sex with him. Even though I also like a 6 pack.

You can definitely like a certain body type, but still love and fancy someone with out that body type.

Tbf though I have never cried over dp not having Chris Hemworths stomach.

and you know a part of your body bothered your partner enough for you to have surgery how do you get past that?

You leave. Seriously. What you don't do is even consider having body-modifying surgery because your boyfriend told you he would fancy you more if you did.

I would dump the weirdo immediately. He sounds really creepy.

@farmhouseloving I have had comments hurt me so I work out 3 times a day just to impress my partner.
You need to dump him as well.

I’d personally tell him to go and find a woman with the biggest arse there is and that you hope she sits on his face and suffocates him. He’s a twat

I'm a size 8, work out 2 times a day, eat mostly salads and absolutely hate my body, I get that you don't have confidence and rely on others compliments and I understand it. I'm not saying it's right but I relate to your feelings so please be kind to her about this situation as it's very sensitive to people with body confidence

The word has lost all meaning

I can eat pasta and cry over guilt of eating it even after weeks of only eating lettuce and chicken. body confidence is a very big mental health struggle no matter what part of your body you worry about

Sorry OP but I think people are struggling to take this seriously as your DP sounds like such a ridiculous twat it’s hard to imagine he’s actually for real. If my DH cried over a single body part of mine and recommended surgery, it’d be the start of the end of our marriage. He knew you had a small arse when he met you. If he’s suddenly got some kind of arse obsession from watching too much porn, that’s all on him.

Swap “bum” for feet or knees or any other body part and you can see it’s a nonsense. Everyone grows old and the sexual body parts won’t be regarded as such.

I don’t think he likes you that much. That’s why he’s unkind about your bottom. He knows it’s important to you and it will hurt you.
It’s not you it’s him.
He’s just not got the balls to walk away and wants you to do it.

Ffs grow up both of you.

‘I would want to fuck you every night if you had bum surgery’. Went on to explain in detail how much he likes big bums. I was totally crushed

You need to turn the other cheek.

I hope you all feel better about yourself for trying to be horrible to others. You wouldn't act like this in front of people you respect so stop being so nasty!

Your man has driven a wedge between you and one of your body parts.
You should stay true to your body part.

He is lost in Big Bum Porn.

He hasn’t watched porn for a couple of years. We are always together unless he is working so I don’t know how he could possibly be.
I agree that’s where his obsession started, does that mean he will always be this way now?!

is the version of that that you didn’t know you needed.

You wouldn't act like this in front of people you respect so stop being so nasty!

On the contrary, most people would be honest with someone they respected. We don’t know the OP but do you think that we’d be doing her a favour by recommending arse surgeons, encouraging four times a day bum expansion workouts or boo hooing over ‘body confidence issues’? It’s obvious what - actually who! - the problem is here.

You should have replied with 'I really fancy men with a high IQ and if you had one I'd fuck you every night'

I think the butt of the joke here is him. It's you who's got the bum deal out of the pair of you. He's an arse- no other brothers can deny

His anaconda don't want none unless u got buns, hun 😏

I think this bum obsession of yours is taking over your life. He shouldnt have said it but it has been said now and you either swallow it or move on.