New baby and stressed DH hit me with a towel

[NordicNell]

DH and I have been together for 15 years. Over the years we have had some small fights like everyone but besides him pushing me few times or throwing pillows at me he hasn't been violent.

The past year we have had an immense amount of stress in our relationship. We went through difficult fertility treatments and were lucky enough to have a perfect little baby 5 months ago. I had a difficult birth with a c-section and the recovery has been hard. Our baby also had colic for the first 3 months and I was diagnosed with post natal depression with suicidal thoughts.

The stress has been a lot for my husband and he doesn't have a lot of support. He has become increasingly aggressive in our fights and yesterday it culminated in him taking a towel and lashing it at me to silence me when I was yelling at him to stop screaming infront of our baby. It hit my back where I have a previous lower back injury and it hurts so much still today, I'm worried it will lead to longer term issues. DH wasn't sorry at first and kept saying how I am imagining it and he just lightly threw the towel at me, even though it was more like a whip. Now he apologised but says we are over and he wants nothing to do with me and I'm crazy.

I am in complete shock and disbelieve. We have always been the best couple, can communicate really well and hardly ever fight. I don't know where we go from here. I would have never ever seen this coming. He is usually the most caring person but I don't think I can ever forget this incident and him deliberating wanting to hurt me in his rage. Will it get worse? What if he can't control his rage in the future and hurts our child? I know he has been pushed to his limits so is not himself at the moment, but would this happen to every man or does he have a problem?

Well done for recognising this incident and previous behaviour for what it is.

You have been abused and he has gaslighted.

Most important to hang on to if you are weakened by his remorse (for violence he is still carefully disassociating himself from) is that he shouted at his (completely innocent) newborn child.

What kind of reaction will he have to a tantruming toddler or deliberately naughty pre-schooler?

You are protecting yourself but also your child.

I am so sorry that you have to do this.

Funny how he wasn't suicidal until you webtvto stay elsewhere and told other people about what he did.

If you hadn't he'd still ve merrily lying about the incident and gas lighting you, calling you crazy etc abd there'd be no talk of needing help or suicide.

Well done OP, they really all do seem to have the same script.

As others have said, the suicide threat is just more manipulation.

He knows he's gone too far and is trying to reel you back in. Don't fall for it.

He can't remember the episode .... what convenient selective amnesia he suffers from.

Does he need.a gp appointment to check for serious memory issues - let me guess he has no trouble remembering everything except him whipping his partner with a rolled up towel.

so scared about his own behaviour.

This reminds me of politicians and public figures, when they're caught doing reprehensible things they've usually been happily doing for years saying things like they're horrified by their own behaviour, shocked by their own behaviour etc.

Like seriously... convenient outer body experience. Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

You're surprises and horrified you got caught out, that's all.

Don't know why he's so scared ... you should be the one who's scared, avd also whats he is when he's been ramping up to this with shoving etc through the relationship.

If he's truly scared (bullshit) that suggests he gaxno control over his behaviour abd is therfore a danger to others, especially those living with him. So he's need to live alone while getting intensive psychological help, right.

Does being scared of his own behaviour apply to his work too?
Or does he conveniently only push around and towel slap weaker dependants.

The script for abuse is as predictable as the sun rising;

Alcohol, drugs, depression, mental health issues, stress .. amnesia is a nice twist.

Of course the above is only rolled out of 'mayor made me do it, you're crazy"
isn't fully working any more.

*you made me do it

He's just another violent thug who when challenged about his behaviour after assaulting you, threatens suicide, suddenly doesn't remember.

He is just a thug.

You should go to the police and report his assault.

Your poor child.
Years of trying to have a baby with a thug that you knew was capable of lashing out at you.

Now he is screaming in front of the baby.

You need to stop thinking about this scum and start focusing on that poor innocent baby that didn't ask to be born into such a shit show.
You both deserve better.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I can relate unfortunately

@NordicNell

So.............suddenly he's ''ashamed'' ?? (but he wasn't ashamed when he HIT/CHOKED you ??)

and suddenly he believes you ?? (you were obviously a liar yesterday and every other day before then ?? )

and suddenly he's so SAD, he's suicidal ?? (but he was fine with whipping you, choking you, throwing things at you and screaming at a baby AND you ??)

He's only suddenly become so remorseful that he's thinking about suicide, and yet he still hasn't apologized ? That's because he's only saying this so that you switch from being concerned about yourself and the baby to being 'concerned' about him FFS !!

It's only to get your attention focused on HIM instead of yourself and your safety and your fear and your distress ffs* !

Do NOT believe in this sudden ''change of heart'', because it isn't real.

Think about it, if it was real, he'd have done it after the first time he ''lost his temper'', wouldn't it ? He would've hotfooted it straight to his GP and a therapist/anger management course if he was truly upset at his own behavior and his lack of 'control'

But he did not. He chose to gaslight you, to 'minimize' and outright lie about what had happened. He wanted you scared to argue with him. He wanted you upset so you would try harder to please him. And he also chose to repeat the abuse !!

No-one on this little green planet is less deserving of your consideration/love/pity than he is !

He took your love and he trampled it to death !

You must never take him back, under any circumstances, or he will do the same to you physically too ! ( He will also take great satisfaction in hurting you by hurting your DC too)

[quote updownroundandround]@NordicNell

So.............suddenly he's ''ashamed'' ?? (but he wasn't ashamed when he HIT/CHOKED you ??)

and suddenly he believes you ?? (you were obviously a liar yesterday and every other day before then ?? )

and suddenly he's so SAD, he's suicidal ?? (but he was fine with whipping you, choking you, throwing things at you and screaming at a baby AND you ??)

He's only suddenly become so remorseful that he's thinking about suicide, and yet he still hasn't apologized ? That's because he's only saying this so that you switch from being concerned about yourself and the baby to being 'concerned' about him FFS !!

It's only to get your attention focused on HIM instead of yourself and your safety and your fear and your distress ffs* !

Do NOT believe in this sudden ''change of heart'', because it isn't real.

Think about it, if it was real, he'd have done it after the first time he ''lost his temper'', wouldn't it ? He would've hotfooted it straight to his GP and a therapist/anger management course if he was truly upset at his own behavior and his lack of 'control'

But he did not. He chose to gaslight you, to 'minimize' and outright lie about what had happened. He wanted you scared to argue with him. He wanted you upset so you would try harder to please him. And he also chose to repeat the abuse !!

No-one on this little green planet is less deserving of your consideration/love/pity than he is !

He took your love and he trampled it to death !

You must never take him back, under any circumstances, or he will do the same to you physically too ! ( He will also take great satisfaction in hurting you by hurting your DC too)[/quote]
Great post.

OP, he is a thug.

You wanted this baby for years.

Please give her the chance of a happy childhood.

Do not return to a thug.

This is who he is.

Abusive scum.

You both deserve better.

Keep posting.