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Original poster

Would you leave your 15/16yr old to move abroad?

232 replies

Horehound · 30/07/2021 21:20

Just wondering how many parents would make this decision really.
15/16yr old fairly young for their age but adamant they don't want to move abroad and school on a foreign school for one year nor leave their boyfriend and friends.

You're moving because your husband was made redundant, no work around and has been offered a job abroad.

Would you make your child go or what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Horehound · 30/07/2021 21:21

Oh forgot to say you run a successful business so not reliant on husband's wage

OP posts:
qualitygirl · 30/07/2021 21:22

Not a chance!🤣

MegBusset · 30/07/2021 21:22

No, I would not go. Nor would DH take a job abroad and live apart from his family.

greenflamingo · 30/07/2021 21:22

I’d stay with my child. It’s such a short time until she’s finished her education and your husband is a grown up so can cope abroad for a couple of years if that’s the only option.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 30/07/2021 21:23

What stage is the child at in terms of their schooling?

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 30/07/2021 21:23

No. If it's a permanent job, everyone goes or no one goes. If it's a one year job, your husband goes alone.

budgun · 30/07/2021 21:23

You're moving because your husband was made redundant, no work around and has been offered a job abroad.

I would never choose my husband over my children.

Footballschmootball · 30/07/2021 21:23

No way!

mamaduckbone · 30/07/2021 21:24

Never in a million years.

Pissinthepottyplease · 30/07/2021 21:24

I’m guessing this is a reverse or not about you as the parent.

No it’s no something I would imagine many parents would do.

Original poster
Horehound · 30/07/2021 21:24

5th and final yr
Not interested in doing 6th year but has agreed they will go to college.
Can stay with grandparents to finish school and then would be sorted out with accomodation to attend college.

OP posts:
AustinPowerful · 30/07/2021 21:24

I would stay in the UK with the DC.

15/16 is a terrible age to move overseas- they are doing their GCSEs and have an established friendship group.

RandomMess · 30/07/2021 21:25

I know people that have.

Not that different to boarding school tbh.

Tough choice.

DinosaurDiana · 30/07/2021 21:25

Absolutely not.

LongDissidence · 30/07/2021 21:25

I'd send my husband on ahead, if not reliant on his income, and stay with child until they left home (assuming at 18 for uni - wouldn't hang around till they were mid 30s..!).

Would do trips back and forth. Then move in 2-3 years to join him, and fly kids out to visit in holidays whenever they wanted to come.

I think my husband, as a fully grown man, could cope better on his own than my teenage child. I have no responsibility to look after and guide my husband, whereas I'm not done raising my kids till they're living as independent adults.

KateTheEighth · 30/07/2021 21:25

I would judge you

Original poster
Horehound · 30/07/2021 21:26

@Pissinthepottyplease

I’m guessing this is a reverse or not about you as the parent.

No it’s no something I would imagine many parents would do.

I was the child.

And I'm 34 now and still can't believe they went really. To the pp who said about choosing husband over children...that's what hurts.

OP posts:
Litthefirealready · 30/07/2021 21:26

No way! That’s too young.

We had the opportunity to move abroad recently and ds18 had just moved out - but I couldn’t leave him to be a plane ride away if something happened.

It did happen, he had an accident and we were only an hour away, but if we had been abroad it would have been awful.

I know theoretically they are ok to look after themselves but emotionally no!

Original poster
Horehound · 30/07/2021 21:26

And they stayed aboard for 15 years!

OP posts:
minipie · 30/07/2021 21:26

Of course I wouldn’t leave them here alone, they are a child.

If it’s just for one year I would say DH works away (visits either way when possible) and you stay here with teen.

A year abroad could be an amazing experience but not if they are resentful and also this is not a good educational stage to be jumping between different systems.

Livingintheclouds · 30/07/2021 21:26

Unless your child is happy to board and then fly to you on holidays the I’d stay and let husband go and then you could both visit him (and he visit). A year is no time at all, the thing is, will it be a year?

RealHousewifeofBarnardCastle · 30/07/2021 21:27

Do not leave them, it’s too young

minipie · 30/07/2021 21:28

Ah ok cross posted.

Yes I can see why you are hurt OP.

Many parents of previous generations had very different ideas from today about putting children first.

Blogdog · 30/07/2021 21:28

Can your husband move and come home at regular intervals, and you follow once your daughter is older? Plenty of people do this - it’s not that uncommon.

Sillawithans · 30/07/2021 21:28

I couldn't imagine leaving them, but we often make different decisions when we're up against it.

My mother ran off with my best friends father when I was 14 so I understand how you may have felt abandoned.