Dh wants a divorce and is leaving today

[GooodMythicalMorning]

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house.

Sorry you’re going through this it must have knocked you for 6.

Are you at work today too, I know it’s the last thing you feel like doing but first thing you need to do is start making copies of all the financials, if you can get his payslips and pension details too all the better.

Sending hugs 💐

I work evenings but I probably won't go tonight. my heart hurts so much. paperwork I mostly have, we only just bought a house after many years of saving.

You are in shock. Be kind to yourself. You need to grieve, gather good people around you. And let them support you. Eat and drink when
You can.

Get good legal advice. Sort the finances out sometimes being practical helps distract you from the upset.

Don't trust him from here on in. He is not your friend. In time it will be ok. You just have to get there

Do not leave the house or you will weaken your chance of staying in it.

Thank you. No not leaving the house, the kids and dogs need me here.

So he is breaking up his marriage for a woman who isn't isn't him and nothing has happened because she is married???

Wow. With a bit of luck she won't take him. I suppose he had the decency to leave rather than have an affair and lie to you.

Good you're not leaving the house , as you've only just bought it there won't be much equity in it and nothing really to divide up to house you both.

Isn't with him that should say

I'm so sorry this has happened, you must be feeling completely shell-shocked.

Don't trust him from here on in. He is not your friend.

Absolutely this. Lawyer up and get as much agreed as you can while he's still feeling guilty.

Breathe OP. You will get a lot of support here and you'll get through this. Do you want to tell the children so quickly, before you've even got your head round the initial shock? Just because he wants to tell them straight away, doesn't mean you have to agree.
In fact that's a really important principle - he's not in your team any more so you don't have to agree with anything he says he wants to happen.
How old are your children?

I wouldn’t tell the children yet because he could very easily change his mind and return (if you want him back that is). I would just tell them that dad needs to spend some time with a friend but will still see them every day.
On a practical note, do you have joint accounts? Do you think he would clean out your savings? Spend today getting all the paperwork in order. As far as the house is concerned, as you’ve just bought it I’m guessing there’s no equity in it so no point in even thinking about selling it. Can you afford the mortgage on your own?
Check whether you’ll be able to claim any benefits - do that today!
Finally, don't agree to ANYTHING he may suggest. You’re too vulnerable at the moment. Speak to a friend who will be kind with you xx

Also don't make any attempt to divorce him. He might not have any reason to do so.

You could divorce him for behaviour. Even too he hasn't yet had an affair, you could cite behaviour as he has formed an improper association to another woman.

Let him stay married to you until you figure it all out.

So sorry op.

Be prepared for further revelations on the OW front, few husbands leave without someone else to go to, so treat "nothing has happened" as him minimising events to give himself an easier exit.

He will have had time to plan his exit, so emotionally he will be much better prepared than you. Don't let him take advantage of your shock to get your agreement to his financial plans etc.
At the moment, do not agree to anything.

Most importantly, look after yourself, keep your fluid intake up, eat even if only snacks. Get help and support from family if possible.
You will get through this.

Totally agree with not telling the kids yet. He can leave but he at least owes you the time to gather your own thoughts on all of this.
It will be much more traumatic for them seeing you upset. Give it a couple of weeks at least so you can tell them all will be okay and mean it.
You will be okay. I was so proud of my mum after divorce. It wasn't easy but I learned about strong women.
Of course you aren't there yet, no one could expect you to be. But I don't subscribe to the idea that divorce is always bad for children

If what he says is true, he's done the right thing in ending your marriage before anything happens with a new partner.

I'd be surprised if he's being completely honest, though. Men rarely end their marriage without somewhere else to go. Is he going to be moving in with his new partner? Is she leaving her husband? I would wonder if something has already happened between them.

Paperwork -
Not just house but also
Saving - joint and single
Pensions
Investments

Keep joint saving in an account accessible by you.

So sorry this is happening to you.
Do not do the “pick me dance”
You are in shock.
Something has been stirring between the two of them.
I hope you have real life support.
One minute at a time.
💐

You will get much good advice here from people who have been through the same or similar.

I'm afraid once someone has been involved in an affair the lies start and you can no longer believe anything they say. That's a huge shock - it was for me. Unfortunately it's almost certain that he is not telling the truth. I don't think anyone leaves a family for someone they have not had a fairly involved (physical and mental) relationship with.

IMO, I don't think it's worth pursuing the truth. He has nothing to gain by honesty and neither will the truth bring you any relief. I still do not know all of the truth behind my ex's affair and our break-up to this day. Personally, I would advise that you act as if he has been having a long sexual affair and had this carefully planned, rather than driving yourself crazy trying to get him to admit the real course of events. You will waste a lot of time and energy.

But from now on you need to look after yourself. He is not your friend. If you can afford it, I would recommend getting a counsellor with the purpose of helping you through this.

For what it's worth someone who leaves their partner and children for the thrill of an affair (and this is her too) is a sad and deluded person indeed. They are seeking something that is illusory and the relationship will likely fail anyway. However, that does not mean he will come back and everything will be okay. I think one of the saddest things is that once this type of wound has been inflicted, it can never be the same - it's over.

As a friend said to me during my breakup - "courage, my friend - courage". You will get through this. Day at a time.

Oh, OP, so sorry. What a horrible shock.
Gather your friends and family around you.
How old are your children?

And yes, don’t trust him now.

I would be very very surprised if the ‘nothing has happened’ line is true.

Sending tea, tissues, flowers.

He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married.

This is a complete, and utter lie. He has been having a full blown affair with this woman, probably for quite some time.

Get a solicitor and protect yourself.

This happened to me many years ago. As others have said , get all your paperwork together. Get legal advice and get an agreement re maintenance ASAP before he takes on other financial commitments and while he is feeling guilty. Gather close friends/family around you for support . It’s a horrible shock but you will get through it and hard as it is remember he is not in your side now. I sort of protected my ex by not telling people he had gone off with another woman because I hoped he may come back . He didn’t ! Good luck x

Goodmythicalmorning, so you have one of those too! Your first priority is yourself and your own safety and wellbeing without considering him.

You need to get a shit hot lawyer urgently and get him to give you a good settlement and child contact arrangement ASAP whilst the guilt is strong!!!

@GooodMythicalMorning

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house.

I'm thinking maybe something has already happened with this other woman. You don't just leave your family for something that might happen?

He may just be be down playing the situation with the other woman.