Dh wants a divorce and is leaving today

[GooodMythicalMorning]

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house.

Make a new account, if you have a major bust up I can just seem him taking the rest out of spite.

Money sorted, finances sorted, UC applied for.

Ive definitely moved from sadness to anger at the moment. on the whole doing better

@GooodMythicalMorning

Money sorted, finances sorted, UC applied for.

Ive definitely moved from sadness to anger at the moment. on the whole doing better

good place to be 🌸

That's great @GooodMythicalMorning, it will keep getting better. Hang on in there. You're doing great.

Anger is a great motivator OP. Wonderful update. You're rattling through this. Well done!

@GooodMythicalMorning good. Will you manage ok money wise, and be able to stay in the house?

Bloody good for you. I hope you and your children are keeping ok. 💐

Thank you, we are doing ok. The children better than expected. I have my good days and then panicky days where I think I cant do this.

We should just be ok. As long as the finances work we should be able to stay in the house.

Good job sorting out the finances. xx

That's good news. Keep going, you're doing it.

What an absolute bastard he is!!! You don't rent a house with someone that nothing has happened with. Cheating bastard!

@GooodMythicalMorning

Thank you, we are doing ok. The children better than expected. I have my good days and then panicky days where I think I cant do this.

Kids are incredibly resilient, they may even 'prefer' living there without him. This is what my DDs said, in fact when we started to try to reconnect (failed) they were dead against it.

I actually think you may be right @AbsolutelySure Ds seems happier sometimes

I have been doing ok til last night. Just feeling rubbish about everything. He looked at places with her yesterday and all I keep thinking is He's got over our life so quickly. Do 16 years mean so little? Just want to stay in bed today.

Honestly he is still in the stupid honeymoon period time where everything is so exciting.
Then the reality hits that's they both shit in the toilet, they don't have A* personalities and their flaws start to show.

Whilst all that is happening you will be becoming stronger, and in time, living a fun filled exciting life and you have the bonus of having your children around you. He will be missing out on the biggest and most important things in his life.

And also I think if you break up with some and say I'm not happy with you, haven't been for a long time etc it comes from a selfish place of them thinking only of the future when obviously at the time of them being with you they were happy, they did love you. They just have to say this stuff to cement it in their mind that this decision is the right one.

@GooodMythicalMorning, I understand how you're feeling about him appearing to disregard all the time you had together. It's just a front ; I bet he thinks about it , it's just like @Horehound has said, it's the honeymoon phase.
You will get stronger. Are you able to take it easy today? Look after yourself. Do you have friends who are free to come and be with you ?

Think everyone is busy today but the kids are about.

I think this may also be why youre not having a good day. It's the weekend coming, have you got any plans. If not I think it's going to be so natural to feel alone and compare what he is doing to what you are doing etc.
Try plan some stuff even if it is just you and the kids, try something new go to a new place.
Try and do something for YOU as well.

Im working sat then cinema in the evening with a friend. Im struggling with just realising how much everything has changed.

Big hugs to you. It's a massive trauma. I'm not surprised you feel very bad some days. He has behaved with so little regard for you and his kids; he's become a complete dick, but that doesn't make it any less painful for you. Did he tell you he was looking at places? That's really callous and hurtful.

Cinema will be lovely. Can you make a plan for Sunday too, even if it's just a quick coffee or walk with a friend.

Ive just made plans for mum and step dad to come over sunday so at least will have them for company and the kids love seeing nana and grandad.

As you said its been a massive shock and I haven't been single as an adult. I went straight from parents house to house with H and baby followed shortly after. I've not done the whole looking after myself, doing what I want thing.

You're doing well to have friends and family over - they will help distract you and give you strength.

Invest in a good book/audible/podcasts/box sets to distract yourself when your DC are sleeping. Your life has been turned upside down but there will be life after this awful event.

It may take a while to trust again, to see that there is potential for happiness again - I don't mean with a partner, although that may happen - but a potential to find inner peace. Hatred takes up too much of YOUR energy stores and hopefully the day will come where your 'H' will not be able to hurt you further.

Out of the ashes, a Phoenix will emerge. Look after yourself and your DC and use the power of MN when it's needed

It's a huge change and you will still be in shock and you likely will have ups and downs for a long while yet I am sorry to say.
That's great you've made some plans though! What you seeing at the cinema? I haven't been to a cinema in 3+ years :o

Actually I don’t believe nothing has happened regarding this woman that he’s apparently fallen for op, men don’t usually leave their wives and children on a whim , please seek legal advice