Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

It would massively annoy me, and you are a doormat if you cave into this ridiculous demand. Rings are worn on fingers, and if his family and friends get the wrong idea that's their problem. How controlling and utterly absurd of him. I'd be telling him very clearly to grow up and fuck off.

Thanks aquamarine1029 that was my thought exactly. I told him that I’m not planning on taking it off and he just had a bit of a strop telling me that he’d never asked me to do anything for him before (which is true, tbf) and there was no reason I couldn’t just put it on my right hand instead.

there was no reason I couldn’t just put it on my right hand instead

There's no reason you can't wear it wherever you fucking choose to. Do not cave into this. It won't stop here if you do.

@Aquamarine1029

It would massively annoy me, and you are a doormat if you cave into this ridiculous demand. Rings are worn on fingers, and if his family and friends get the wrong idea that's their problem. How controlling and utterly absurd of him. I'd be telling him very clearly to grow up and fuck off.

This.

Wear the ring on whichever finger you like OP.

Tell him it is your ring and you can wear it on whatever finger you choose. It has literally nothing to do with him.

Your ring, your finger.

You aren't a possession.

Tell him to let them know you are engaged to someone else. Should shut them up.

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

*your

Obviously do as you please etc etc, but i think that finger is for engagement rings and wedding rings. Its a signal isnt it? The fact he's so against it might play on my mind...as in he doesn't want commitment.

Cannot believe people are telling you to capitulate to this. Not only is it none of his friends business, it’s none of his. Tell him to get te

Wear what you want where you want to wear it. Dunno why he's so bothered. If his friends are making assumptions then he can tell them to talk to you about it :D or more reasonably that they should stop making things up.

We need a photo of the ring.

Do you mean you are a violinist when you say you are a "fiddler"? That could be relevant, I suppose.

Well, he's showing that he certainly does not want a commitment to you.

I'd bin him, personally.

It's tradition. People will always assume you are engaged or married.

Ask him if he's jealous... does he want a cock ring for the dick on his head?

I have some sympathy with his request. Clearly it will also fit on your right hand.

He has said that it makes him feel uncomfortable when his friends keep asking/teasing him whether you are engaged or not. If you're OK causing this discomfort then carry on.

Plenty of women who aren't engaged or married wear rings on that finger - honestly people, it's 2021. Wear the ring on whatever finger you want to OP and don't give into your DP, he's being ridiculous. If anyone mentions it, tell him just to smile and say nothing.

Tell him to wear his penis on the opposite side and see how he likes it.

Genuine question, did your engagement and wedding rings sometimes end up on your right hand because you fiddled with them?

I wouldn’t want to be with any bloke that didn’t aspire to marry me in the future even if I didn’t want to marry him. This all screams that he doesn’t see you that way, which would really irk me and put me off him if I were you. Oh, and I’d wear the ring on whatever finger I wanted.

It's a bit odd isn't it, 9 digits that mean nothing but it ends up on the one that does. Only you know why it ends up on your finger but if you are really perplexed why your partner of 1 year isn't happy with it, well nor would I be.

I’ve been widowed a few years now, and still wear my wedding and engagement rings on my left hand ring finger.
When I started dating again last autumn, I asked him DP if he had any issues , and he said it hadn’t occurred to him, and to carry on wearing them if I was happy with it. I would be surprised if your dp’s mates had even noticed tbh… men don’t tend to pick up on things like this, surely? (Unless they parted with the money to buy the ring themselves!😄)
DP and I have no plans to get engaged etc, happy as we are, so it isn’t an issue for us or anyone else.

The OP owns all of her fingers and could put a ring on every single one if she wants. She can also put one through her nose. Because it is her body.

I do this too OP, although I am single. Some days I wonder how it moved hands, because it is not a conscious act. I don't do it the opposite way, because I am right handed and that hand is usually busy. Rings can also feel uncomfortable on your right hand depending what you are doing (if you are right handed).

OP does not owe it to society, or anyone else, to wear (or not wear) a symbol of ownership, unavailability, engagement, commitment, whatever you wish to call it. Anyone important to the OP will be aware that she isn't engaged and is a fiddler. Everyone else can think what they like. She doesn't owe people an explanation.

If your partner has an issue with it OP and it makes him "uncomfortable " I would suggest that he needs to think more about why that is. Why does he want to veto that finger, when he knows there is no engagement? Wouldn't he prefer you just to be fiddly you? Are you sure you want to be with someone this phobic of answering such an easy question with "No, she's just a ring fiddler"? Not hard is it. Couple of words.