Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

Yes. That's the finger, out of ten to choose from, that signifies you are engaged. That is what people will assume. And ask if you are, because they'd presume as a friend they'd know, and yet here you are wearing one and you haven't informed them of the engagement it obviously signifies.

The can't resize sounds like excuses. You can. And as long as you don't go to a backstreet jewelers it will be seamless.

I'd be the same as DP. "We're not married, have no plans to marry, stop deliberately signifying to people that we are"

Put it on your other hand or have it resized for any of the 9 digits it's appropriate for.

This reminds me of a hen do I went on, where we went to a spa one morning. Bit dated, lots of retired age women, all very covered up. One of the women in the hen party, had a neon green micro bikini. Now. Absolutely, she can wear what she likes. But she had this faux attitude that she couldn't work out at all why people were looking at her. It was so attention seeking. "What's their problem, staring" etc. They didn't have a problem. But if you're going to wear two neon green postage stamps on your nipples, attached with the tiniest string, then people will double take. Much like this "people are assuming I want to look engaged." When knowing that's exactly what it looks like.

So many rules ...

for a finger 🤣😂🤣

it it Law ?

genuine question....

is there a Law ?

Yes there is law it is in The Finger Puppet handbook
Rule 472 clause 3.

@CaraherEIL

Yes there is law it is in The Finger Puppet handbook Rule 472 clause 3.

So there really is no need for the great debate...

cause it's total bollocks ... wear the Ring on any finger you wish 🎉

Can't believe this is still rambling on!

OP, fwiw I am over 50. I wore rings on all different fingers until I got engaged. Now I am married but don't wear my engagement nor any other rings as my fingers shrunk after having DC. The rest of me did not

At no point ever, have any of my social circle, which has changed vastly over 30 years, asked if I am engaged/married in relation to any jewellery I have or have not worn.

I have inherited costume jewellery which I would love to wear but it doesn't fit, and isn't easy to resize.

I have a friend of the same age as me who has been married, and divorced, as has her long term partner. They have no desire to marry again, but happily cohabit. I've known her 5 years. No idea what she wears on her fingers.

Maybe I am in the minority of older posters here (but suspect not) that it is not my business if people wear rings on certain fingers as it has no meaning whatsoever other than personal preference.
Equally, if someone (like friend above) categorically says they don't want to remarry, I tend to conclude that an adult is able to make their own decisions, and not be swayed by what outmoded sexist societal attitudes imply.

If I suddenly started a ring on my engagement finger, people would think I'd got engaged. OP knows this. Everyone knows this.

If you wear it on any other finger, they wouldn't even notice it.

So she's knowingly causing that reaction. And her partner is getting tired of correcting it.

@TwinsAndTrifle

If I suddenly started a ring on my engagement finger, people would think I'd got engaged. OP knows this. Everyone knows this.

If you wear it on any other finger, they wouldn't even notice it.

So she's knowingly causing that reaction. And her partner is getting tired of correcting it.

this is so not true.. it's 2021 people wear Rings on whatever and wherever they please.. 🌸

this is so not true.. it's 2021 people wear Rings on whatever and wherever they please

I disagree, that the sudden wearing of a single stone ring, on an engagement finger, whilst in a relationship, does not obviously appear that the person has just got engaged.

She can wear it where she likes. Just not pretend that it isn't giving off that message, which it clearly does as her DP has to keep correcting that he is not engaged to her.

@TwinsandTrifle

this is so not true.. it's 2021 people wear Rings on whatever and wherever they please

I disagree, that the sudden wearing of a single stone ring, on an engagement finger, whilst in a relationship, does not obviously appear that the person has just got engaged.

She can wear it where she likes. Just not pretend that it isn't giving off that message, which it clearly does as her DP has to keep correcting that he is not engaged to her.

He doesn't have to do any such thing... it's none of his business.. OP can wear the Ring and that is ultimately nobody's business either .. this mentality that this finger must only wear wedding bands is so outdated..

Free the Finger 🤣

TwinsAndTrifle I have been wearing a ring on my left ring finger for many years- a gift from my daughter. I have never been asked of my engagement/marital status.

@speakout

TwinsAndTrifle I have been wearing a ring on my left ring finger for many years- a gift from my daughter. I have never been asked of my engagement/marital status.

aahh lovely... 🌺

Oh please .... can we stop talking about this
Wear whatever you want wherever you want whenever you want to

@66babe

Oh please .... can we stop talking about this Wear whatever you want wherever you want whenever you want to

YES !!!

@VerticalHorizon

This arguing over rings is just going round in circles!

I have been wearing a ring on my left ring finger for many years- a gift from my daughter. I have never been asked of my engagement/marital status.

As opposed to suddenly, whilst in a relationship. Specifically one in which both partners have agreed not to marry. And one is now causing "are you engaged?!"

I agree, she can wear it how she likes. But that comes with the natural reactions that they are experiencing. So if it upsets her DP, she has to acknowledge that, yes she can do what she likes, and her DP is upset by having to correct people noting his "engagement"

I think that wearing a ring that looks like an engagement ring, on your engagement ring finger is very attention seeking - and the ‘Oops - I’m such a fiddler, ha ha what am I like?!?!’ Doesn’t really mitigate that.

*TwinsandTrifle

As opposed to suddenly, whilst in a relationship. Specifically one in which both partners have agreed not to marry. And one is now causing "are you engaged?!"*

Well actually- exactly like that.
OH and I have been together a long time, agree not to marry, and "suddenly" I started wearing a ring with a single stone on my left hand ring finger.
The "suddenly" was because I had a birthday and my daughter surprised me.
But nope, since then not once have I been asked if I am engaged.

Oh my god, this thread.

DP bought me a topas round gold ring for my birthday 3 years ago. It was too tight on my right hand, it fits my left hand and he said 'Wear it on that then'. Two people have said 'Are you engaged?' I said 'No, he just bought me the wrong size'. Conversation over. We aren't getting married so we aren't engaged. The ring symbolises nothing, it is the decision/choice between the couple that signifies intentionality, not some metal.

*Topaz

I had no idea people were so invested in such trivia.
I don't care who wears a ring where- on your finger, ear, nose or elsewhere.
I am having whiffs of the 1950s here.........

@emptyempire

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

This. 100%. It would annoy me.

What puzzles me is who is likking at ring snd gonhers

Sorry -was actually looking at my own ring when accidentally posted!
What puzzles me is people nosing at rings.
I took off my own wedding ring a couple of years ago and was puzzled when people even noticed.
Agree it is nobody’s business where you wear your ring.
It is probably most comfortable anyway on the finger that was used to wearing the wedding ring.
Enjoy your lovely ring.

@speakout

I had no idea people were so invested in such trivia. I don't care who wears a ring where- on your finger, ear, nose or elsewhere. I am having whiffs of the 1950s here.........

100% this. Honestly who has the energy to give a shit what finger someone wears a ring on? It’s mind boggling