Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

OP, you can wear any ring you like, on any finger you please. You personally own all 10 of your own fingers, so therefore you can do what you like.

Anyone who has a problem with that is an idiot.

I can see his point, some people will jump to conclusions which could be awkward. BUT i also understand its a treasured posession to you, and that just happens to be the finger on which it fits comfortably. I have rings that fit the ring finger on my left (dominant) hand but too tight to fit on my right hand. Ultimately it is completely up to you how you wear it, but a little compromise might go a long way, stick to wearing it when not around his mates, maybe?

If he is frightened by his mates jumping to conclusions and does know how to explain the truth that’s on him, not you. Fuck what his mates think, wear the ring where it is comfortable.

*doesn’t know

His friends: “Are you engaged?”
Him: “No”

It really is that straight forward
He sounds like a knob

Enjoy the ring!

I am sure his friends haven't said anything.

However, by wearing a wedding ring on your wedding finger you are giving an impression to people that you're married. I think it would be courteous to consider if your partner is comfortable with that.

Chisandbiscuits
I wouldn’t want to be with any bloke that didn’t aspire to marry me in the future even if I didn’t want to marry him

OP told him she doesn't want to get married again so how can he aspire to marry her?

You're messing about OP - I bet you didn't fiddle with your wedding ring so, it seems you want to wear this ring on your ring finger.

It's none of your DPs business if you choose to do that but I bet you were more than well aware he'd comment and that friends would, too. & you wanted that but likely he's not saying what you think he should say.

I think it would be appropriate to wonder why your boyfriend is so uncomfortable with this that he has actually brought it up.

This isn't about manners.

It's not ok to try to control someone else or make them uncomfortable about something they wear.

It's not ok to ask your partner to stop doing something harmless if the reason is that you are too spineless to talk to your friends about remarks they are making, or have the habit of exerting control over others when you become anxious about something.

It's not ok to go ahead and meet each other's children and lead someone on with plans for holidays together if you are not comfortable at the thought of a long term relationship.

I can't believe this bothers him. He's nuts.

I think it's odd of you to deliberately wear it on the left finger. Everyone knows what a ring on that finger signifies. I understand that he'd be put off and ask you not to wear it, bedside his friends are making assumptions. This seems completely reasonable to me and not controlling at all.

@MayLeaveADentInYourSofa

I am sure his friends haven't said anything.

However, by wearing a wedding ring on your wedding finger you are giving an impression to people that you're married. I think it would be courteous to consider if your partner is comfortable with that.

Can you read? Have you bothered to? The ring is not a wedding ring, it's not an engagement ring, and doesn't even look like one.

Obviously up to you but I prefer to live my life not deliberately winding up people I care about

Yep I did read the thread. OP didn't really describe the ring so my mistake to say it is a wedding ring. The rest of my comment still stands as my opinion.

It's your choice.

Buuuuut, I would advise to keep in mind some people will judge/make fun of you behind your back by wearing a ring on your finger that is traditionally considered for marriage.

Personally I wouldn't care at all, you do you - I can't stand rings so have no plans to ever wear an engagement and wedding ring, and I receive a lot of negative comments about this choice (and my close friends tell me what others say when I'm not there!).

Well it's a tradition going back hundreds of years to show whether you are married or engaged.
Dunno

I think it’s attention seeking behaviour, everyone knows what a ring on a certain finger means. And it’s kind of weird to say you’re a fiddler and move the ring around if it really ONLY fits on your ring finger.

You’re taking the piss wearing a ring on your ring finger like that. You know exactly what message it’s giving out. Game playing.

but i think that finger is for engagement rings and wedding rings.

No part of my body is " for" anythig. It is up to me to use and adorn as I see fit.
Bugger any "rules".
I am not married, I wear a ring on my third left hand finger- a ring given to me by my daughter.
Op I would be giving this guy the bums rush.

some people will judge/make fun of you behind your back by wearing a ring on your finger that is traditionally considered for marriage.

That's so funny. Who are these people? You JustATypo?

In some countries and cultures it's the finger on the right hand that is considered to be the ring finger 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it's a ring and it's just a finger bloody wear it what ever way you like 👍

I would feel uncomfortable about a partner doing it too (unless as with a PP they had lost their wife (I a female and straight so for me it would be a male partner) and still wore their wedding ring. I would be fine as this carries a reasonable explanation.

Not looking for any argument but in my opinion, your wedding finger is for wedding or engagement rings.

I think you should wear it on whichever finger or hand you want OP just because that’s what you want and feels most comfortable. I have a ring I’d prefer to wear on my right hand but usually wear on the left hand because it’s delicate and I can still wear it and enjoy it without worrying about damaging it (I’m right handed). It’s as simple as that and nothing to do with what anyone else thinks.

I think his reaction speaks volumes about your relationship.

You think it's serious. He doesn't.

I think it's odd his mates are paying that much attention to your hands. Just tell him to say no if they ask. What's the fuss all about?

I have always worn a ring on my left ring finger and when people would ask DH (before we were engaged) or me if we were engaged, we would say no. That's how complicated it needs to be.

Why is he making a big deal of it?