Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

People aren't invested.

OP doesn't need to worry about randoms on the internet. It's her DP she should think of. As this situation, which PP are adamant doesn't occur, has occurred several times and it's her DP that has to then state, no, we're not engaged, and that upsets him.

OP doesn't have to put it on any other finger (but could ) But she wears it on her engagement finger, knowing it has caused reactions that have upset DP and will continue too. Eventually there will come a point where everyone's been told "no, we're not engaged." So she has to factor that it will upset her DP repeating "no we're not engaged" until that point.

twinsandtrifle for the final time - I don’t deliberately wear it on my ring finger and never have. I put it on my right hand but fiddle with it and it occasionally migrates. When I notice I move it back. It has never been a deliberate act as I have been saying for about 27 pages now.

It's just a ring. I don't see the issue with where you wear it. He only has to say to his friends "no we aren't engaged." Surely thats the end of the conversation?

@TwinsandTrifle

this is so not true.. it's 2021 people wear Rings on whatever and wherever they please

I disagree, that the sudden wearing of a single stone ring, on an engagement finger, whilst in a relationship, does not obviously appear that the person has just got engaged.

She can wear it where she likes. Just not pretend that it isn't giving off that message, which it clearly does as her DP has to keep correcting that he is not engaged to her.

Looks like we have to accept that half of MN live in the 1950s 🙄 and know what an engagement ring is and the rest live in 2021 and have rings everywhere randomly from their eyebrow to their labia . Different folks, different strokes .

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

twinsandtrifle for the final time - I don’t deliberately wear it on my ring finger and never have. I put it on my right hand but fiddle with it and it occasionally migrates. When I notice I move it back. It has never been a deliberate act as I have been saying for about 27 pages now.

So if you move it back when you notice anyway, what's the big deal about your bf asking you to put it back?

category12 I’ve never said that I thought it was a big deal. I just asked if people thought it was odd, as I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it bothered me as (to me, at least) it seemed such a non-issue.

My daughter recently got her septum pierced. I was frantically googling to see if this ‘meant something’ or sent out a signal.( personally I think it looks like you could be a bit sexually submissive, and I was panicking that she was unwittingly sending out this message…. I know, I’m a total embarrassment of a mother!!) A ring on that finger sends out a message, so I guess it’s worth just considering whether or not it’s a message you want to send…. And it might be, it can stop other men trying it on, and that might be just fine.

Does it mean sexually submissive @Gingerodgers ? i think like you I'd have been googling the same.

Doesn’t really symbolise anything really (whew)

I can't believe this thread is still going but I'll add my 2 cents. I am married, wear my wedding ring on my left hand. However, I also fiddle with it OP especially when my hands are hot and sometimes it ends up on my right hand! This is such a non issue and seems like your DP has some sort of guilt over the fact that you aren't engaged? Or commitment issues? I haven't read the full thread so I don't know if that's true!