Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

Either wear it on your other hand or get it resized. He's got a point. If you're never planning on getting married, why walk around looking as though you are? All these people saying you're not a possession 🙄 and you're doing your best to look like one.

@Chisandbiscuits

I wouldn’t want to be with any bloke that didn’t aspire to marry me in the future even if I didn’t want to marry him. This all screams that he doesn’t see you that way, which would really irk me and put me off him if I were you. Oh, and I’d wear the ring on whatever finger I wanted.

Wtf?

So you would want a person to want to marry you, so you could say 'no'. If you know a partner really wants marriage, and you keep them hanging on but aren't going to do it, that makes you a shitty person.

Why is it OK for you to not want to marry them, but not ok for them to not want to marry you.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange you can of course do what you want. But, it will lead to awkward conversations.

I can see his friends not mentioning it in front of you because they see you wearing, what they are assuming is an engagement ring. But he hasn't told them. They probably wouldn't ask in front of you. But ask him and he says no you aren't engaged. At which point they probably either think he is lying and is engaged. Or that you are trying to make it look like you are engaged, when you aren't.

It shouldn't matter, really. If your dp is usually a good person and this bothers him, I would try and accommodate him. But I wouldn't want to be the subject of awkward conversations either.

I am also a fiddler and pre-engagement swapped rings all the time, even post engagement.
I don't now I'm married because it's two rings so I twirl them and move the top one up and down.
My engagement ring is not a diamond and very few people who didn't know realised I was engaged when I wore it on the left ring finger.
None of them were men.
I would not change my behaviour but have a think about your DPs reaction to this.
Why is it so hard for him to say "no, we are not engaged?"
A partner for whom other people's opinions are more important than your comfort is not really what I'd want.

If I had to sit with a ring fiddler/ twiddler for any length of time it would drive me crazy.
Get one of those fidget toys.

If you have no intention of ever being married or engaged the whole idea of keeping that finger free so as not to confuse those who believe in convention is batshit.

The world has moved on from such labels imo.

Honestly OP, wear the ring on whatever finger suits you. I can’t believe he even mentioned it, if you acquiesced to this it will be one thing after the next, don’t be controlled.

You are making others assume you are married as this is a symbol of a married person,why else would you choose to wear it on that finger.Your winding him up for sure and seeking attention me thinks.

@Michaelangelo467

You’re taking the piss wearing a ring on your ring finger like that. You know exactly what message it’s giving out. Game playing.

Bollocks. She's explained the reasons why. Stop being so judgey.

I'm the same. A ring of my dads swops hands all the time (ring finger) mainly to avoid segs but also because I fiddle. None of the men I've dated have ever commented.

I would assume wearing a ring on your wedding ring finger meant you were married or engaged as others already do. I'd actually be annoyed at this if I was your DP too. Maybe it's a generational thing though.

I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand

Yeah right ....🙄

@MrsMaizel

I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand

Yeah right ....🙄

No, left

I'm the same. A ring of my dads swops hands all the time (ring finger) mainly to avoid segs but also because I fiddle. None of the men I've dated have ever commented.

But that's slightly different. Because the men you have dated, will have started dating you and noticed that.

In ops case, it looks like a new addition and looks like an engement ring.

And what do you mean to avoid segs?

I'm the same. A ring of my dads swops hands all the time (ring finger)

I've never come across these rings with a mind of their own. How they jump from one hand to another is amazing!

Where can I buy one?

@Kintsugi16

Obviously up to you but I prefer to live my life not deliberately winding up people I care about

100% agree

If he is that bothered give him the option to pay to get the ring resized so you can wear it on another finger.

This has got nothing at all to do with the actual ring. The whole thing is symbolic.

Wearing a ring on that finger is symbolic...of long-term commitment.

Him not wanting you to wear it "so that others think you're engaged" is symbolic...of his lack of long-term commitment.

I'd focus less on where you want to wear a ring and more on what the future of your relationship is and where you want to invest more time with this man.

You’re taking the piss wearing a ring on your ring finger like that. You know exactly what message it’s giving out. Game playing

Yes, you’d really think women would have learnt by now that what they wear makes them responsible for other people’s behaviour….🤨

@Chisandbiscuits

I wouldn’t want to be with any bloke that didn’t aspire to marry me in the future even if I didn’t want to marry him. This all screams that he doesn’t see you that way, which would really irk me and put me off him if I were you. Oh, and I’d wear the ring on whatever finger I wanted.

Serious question why ? So you can have the power in the relationship?

I agree with pp, it's attention seeking behavior. You were looking for his reaction. .

Completely your choice obviously but it does feel like game playing. Like you want to test the water and he's uncomfortable with that.

Sorry, OP, but I agree this is a bit weird.

I'm all for freedom of expression and everything but this there is a centuries all custom here dictating that rings worn on this finger indicate engagement or marriage. Yes I'm aware that this is archaic and that it originally indicated ownership but the reality is it doesn't any more and I'd say 99/100 people would assume that a ring worn on that finger means something.

Well unless he has an absolutely MASSIVE family I can’t see him having to say anything at all about your jewellery collection more than 10 times maximum. So I think he is being ridiculous.

Any chance he’s keen that his ex doesn’t notice or the rumour doesn’t get back to his ex? That’s seems much more likely than his Auntie Joan giving a shit.

It's your ring and your hand so wear it where it's comfy. If we ever get back to shaking hands for introductions to new people then a very strong handshake can be uncomfortable or even painful with a ring on the right hand. Plus if you're right-handed a ring on that hand is more likely to get knocked or damaged. So that's two excuses for you - as if they're needed and they aren't. DP will just have to make the effort to find a diplomatic explanation - he has a brain, hasn't he?

Just tell him to tell his friend he has absolutely no intention of ever marrying you and it’s just a ring you choose to wear. Should shut them up.

Wearing a ring on that finger is not a sign of “ ownership” it is a celebration of marriage .

Personally I would not wear other rings on that finger and that is my choice .

I am a bit torn on this one purely because I do think of that finger as one for engagement or wedding rings , so it does depend on how you were asked really .

Hopefully you can sort this out or consider it a 🚩 only you know.