Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

Or maybe he wants you to keep it free as he is planning on getting you an engagement ring soon? If not then he's being silly just ignore him.

but in my opinion, your wedding finger is for wedding or engagement rings.

No one has my permission to tell me what a part of my body "is for".
That's for me to decide. You can have rules for your body, but it isn't your business to tell others how they should be using their body.

There is approximately zero possibility that your boyfriend’s friends give a fuck about what jewellery you wear and on which finger. He means it’s giving him the wrong idea, so you just need to be even clearer about your complete disinterest in ever being married to him, and maybe he’ll manage to get his wee head wrapped around the concept in time.

@speakout you do realise that the OP specifically ASKED for other people's opinions on how they would feel if their partner did this?

On anyone else, I wouldn't even notice, on my partner, yes I would and I would feel uncomfortable, I would feel like they were telling the world we were married.

I am allowed to have different ideas and opinions to other people you know?

Wow he reallllllly doesnt want to be seen attached to you 'in-that-way'

Im embarassed on your behalf OP

@StoppinBy

I would feel uncomfortable about a partner doing it too (unless as with a PP they had lost their wife (I a female and straight so for me it would be a male partner) and still wore their wedding ring. I would be fine as this carries a reasonable explanation.

Not looking for any argument but in my opinion, your wedding finger is for wedding or engagement rings.

There is no such thing as a wedding finger!

What a silly thing to get wound up about. Daft bloke!

I think it’s more about what other people think, if it was just his family/mates he would just explain the situation ie ‘ no we’re not engaged, we’re not getting engaged, she just likes wearing it on that finger ‘, problem solved.
I don’t think he sees you as a long term partner or wants any commitment with you and doesn’t even want anyone to think that might be the case,or he wouldn’t have reacted so strongly. If he loved you he’d be fine with you wearing it there. If you are ok with that then carry on but if you are expecting more I’d be thinking long and hard

I think it's a bit odd to wear a ring on your ring finger that isn't a wedding/engagement ring. I also think it's completely up to you if you choose to do so.

I am married and wear my engagement ring on my left hand ring finger and my wedding ring on my right hand ring finger.

My family are Eastern European so it's actually normal to wear your wedding rings on your right hand.

I don't like 'stacked' rings so just have one on each.

Literally no one cares.

He doesn’t want to be engaged to you and you’re testing the waters and got your answer.

I don’t care where anyone wears rings but you know damn fine that if you turn up to his friends with a ring on your engagement finger (the traditional one in the UK) his friends are going to ask.

@miltonj clearly it should say ring finger.

There's no such thing as a pinky finger either but most people would know if someone refers to a pinky finger they are talking about their little finger.

As OP has said they don't want to get married I'm not sure why people think she's playing a game etc.

@Proudmumtoday

He doesn’t want to be engaged to you and you’re testing the waters and got your answer.

I don’t care where anyone wears rings but you know damn fine that if you turn up to his friends with a ring on your engagement finger (the traditional one in the UK) his friends are going to ask.

Or he does want to be engaged to her, knows & accepts she doesn't so gets pissed off when she turns up to meet his friends wearing what could reasonably be implied to be an engagement ring. As you say, OP know what impression that gives.

I wonder how often the op fiddled her wedding and engagement rings to the other hand when she was married.

You should wear it on any finger that you wish.

However if it looks like a traditional engagement-type ring and you wear it on your left hand people will assume that it is an engagement ring. That may be their issue rather than your but there is little point in denying the cultural connotations.

If it is a sentimentally precious ring and you are a fiddler your more pressing concern is the likelihood of losing it. It might be worth consulting a jeweller to see if it can be adjusted.

I am married, and have a lovely wedding/engagement ring. But I sometimes wear other rings on my wedding finger (like now) just because they fit well (currently it’s a lovely green amethyst one I got for my birthday) and it’s none of DH’s business what I wear - he wouldn’t think to comment.

My engagement ring isn’t a classic diamond one - one asked me if I was engaged when I was wearing it before we got married!

@amylou8

I think it's a bit odd to wear a ring on your ring finger that isn't a wedding/engagement ring. I also think it's completely up to you if you choose to do so.

Agree.

@Michaelangelo467

You’re taking the piss wearing a ring on your ring finger like that. You know exactly what message it’s giving out. Game playing.

Oooooh what a serious crime

I wear my grandmother's wedding ring on my right "ring" finger. The only time I wear it on my left is if I want to give the impression that I am married (v male dominated and occasionally sleazy industry). It does work. That said - my partner has never said a word about it!

I think he doesn't want to have to explain it away. Also, his friends and family might jump to conclusions and think he hasn't told them he's proposed and is being shady about it for some reason. You can wear it on whatever finger you want but it's making him feel awkward, so I wouldn't. It's not a big deal really, is it? And if it's the only thing he's pointed out in a year that he's not happy about, then he is a very nice bloke.

So many people worried about a finger being left for visual display of ownership.

Its a finger, a fucking finger

@YeokensYegg

I think his reaction speaks volumes about your relationship.

You think it's serious. He doesn't.

My thoughts too.

Personally I'd just wear it on my right hand, because that's no hassle to me and it's something he's asked me to do for him. Surely that's how relationships work?

How odd his friends are checking your fingers.

I find it uncomfortable that so many people see to think women must be policed in so many ways - even in such small ways as wearing a ring.

The OP is "playing a "game" just by wearing jewelery?

She can't wearing a ring on her ring finger her left hand because other cannot ascertain her status in society? What horror would that be!

What is the opinion of men who wear rings? Are they limited and must be controlled in their small choices to please others? What about married men who don't wear a ring on thier "wedding finger", how do we know if they belong to someone!!