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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me get over him, I am broken

350 replies

Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 10:48

Making a new thread as I need help.

Dp of 8 years left me & dd. (Have another thread - don't know how to link but it's called dp night out I don't want him to go).

I am completely broken. I can't accept that it's over, I am still hoping he will come back. Although he's telling me he won't.

I am in a permanent daze, crying when dd is out of sight. Constantly texting him telling him I miss him.

What can I do? Please help me. The pain is so bad

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 10:53

I am still being a parent. Before anyone jumps in and says I'm a terrible mum! Dd is my 1st priority, but I just can't cope with this. My heart is completely broken

OP posts:
Wales800 · 09/07/2021 10:55

I am sorry to hear this OP - i know its hard but you have to not contact him, keep yourself busy and the pain will subside over time. I was in this position a couple of years ago when i fell head over heels in love with someone and it did break me for a while. You will come through it i promise. My tactic of no contact and ignoring this person (even though i was beyond rational thinking) does help massively. good luck!

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 10:57

@Wales800 thank you. I have deleted his number just now. But still have to have some contact for dd.

I don't know how to do this. I keep thinking of him being with someone else and it makes me be physically sick. I can't accept we are over. I feel like I'm going crazy 💔

OP posts:
stellaisabella · 09/07/2021 11:01

Did this escalate from you not wanting him to go?
From the other thread op, it didn't seem like either of you were very happy.
As much as this hurts now, in the long run I think you are better off out of this relationship. It will get better I promise x

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 11:03

@stellaisabella yes it escalated from this. I honestly thought he would have came back. My heart is in pieces I don't know what to do. I have absolutley no strength to feel better

OP posts:
romdowa · 09/07/2021 11:07

You need to start valuing yourself here a small bit. This guy left you and your child because you asked him not to go out drinking and spending money you didn't have. He is no prize and definitely isn't worth being in tatters over , never mind wanting him back. Is this really the example you want to set for your daughter, that it's OK for someone to treat her this way in years to come. It hurts and it will hurt for a while but you need to start thinking rationally here and telling yourself that he isn't worth being this broken, not when he could do this to you over a fucking night out. That's how little you mean to him..

KirstenBlest · 09/07/2021 11:08

Not read your other thread only your posts on it.
Get in touch with a family member or close friend and get them to support you.

Get a quote for the MOT repairs.

[HUG}

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 11:11

My daughter doesn't know what's went on, she only knows we have split. She cry's for him at night. We were happy before this argument, he even told me so himself. I don't know how to get on with this. I function for my daughters sake but inside I feel completely broken

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 09/07/2021 11:16

Your priority at this stage is to get through each few minutes at a time.
Tough when you are probably barely functioning.

[I've been there and I'm 2 years down the line and boy am I well rid. OW did me a huge favour]

You and your DD need to eat properly and try to get some sleep at night.

Do not contact him. Block his number for now.

You really do need someone as support. Do not wail to that someone, get on the heartache thread and pour your heart out there. (It helped me enormously.)

The reason I say don't wail to the support person is because they will be able to better focus on practical matters.

You'll get there, but get through the next 5 minutes first.

[BIG HUG]

lilmishap · 09/07/2021 11:20

Just after a split the relationships looks much better than it really was. Bear that in mind. I doubt he was the best of men all the time if he's left over a row.

You just have to try and keep busy, it will feel like your almost insane with misery for a while and there's nothing you can really do, you have to ride it out sadly.

It will pass, but not before tearing you into little pieces first, then you slowly put yourself back together.

If there was a magic phrase or activity to get you over the hurt without feeling it then we'd all know about it.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 11:22

I just can't see this getting any better. He is all I can think about, would do anything to have him back just now

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 09/07/2021 11:24

For many reasons, you absolutely MUST NOT keep texting him. It makes him feel bad, embarrassed, unhappy and guilty. But it won't make him come back. He's more likely to stay away. If he sees you coping, cheerful, and looking good, he will have more respect and be more inclined to visit you both. Such a shame this happens, OP, but you've got a DD and she needs you to not fall apart.

Mamamamasaurus · 09/07/2021 11:42

@Summerdaysx

I just can't see this getting any better. He is all I can think about, would do anything to have him back just now
But why? He prioritises other, irrelevant, thing, over you. I did read your other thread by the way.

I say this kindly OP, but you need to assess your own priorities and see if being there and present for your DC is more important than pining for a piece of shit who would rather go on a lad's night out.

I'm not dying 'don't be sad' or anything similar, I'm saying that your child needs their mother, you need to give your head a good wobble and realise that you don't matter to him and much as he matters to you. You know the song 'I love you more than you love me'? That. You're way down on his list of priorities, so reevaluate your own and step up, for your DC. It does get easier but it won't if you keep holding onto this - he's a waster and you deserve better. Do better.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 13:01

Feel like I'm having a breakdown, have phoned doctor. He is still living his life as normal, I'm devestated. I know I should realise I mean nothing to him but I can't get my head round it. Still saying no matter what I would take him back, I know there must be something wrong with my head for me to still feel like this.

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 09/07/2021 13:08

I understand you OP it's like a horrible desperate feeling that the pain will go away and the certainty that you won't get over it. I'm sending you a handhold as it's the worst feeling and I totally get what you are feeling, good luck Flowers

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 13:14

@Mermaidwaves yes that's exactly how I feel. He is just living his life as normal, wish I could be angry but I can't I just can't stop feeling this way for him. Thank you

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 09/07/2021 13:34

Summerday, what a terribly sad situation for you after eight years. I can feel your pain.

I cannot add anything but it will pass eventually, it's like grief and takes its own time, but that obviously doesn't help you right now. It's a horrible thing to have to live through.

Flowers
MiaRoma · 09/07/2021 13:36

You're in a a state of obssession with an indescribable need to control. You feel utterly out of control and this is causing you to think the way you are.

Get control back....not related to him but in other ways....you need to feel in control again.

Allow yourself to think about him once a day for 30 minutes...but DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Out of that time the time is yours and DDs and he must not intrude. You must not allow him to intrude.

Organise to see a counsellor, orgainse treats for you, get a job or new job...take yourself out of the energy which was you and him and get back your life.

You will look back in a few months and cringe with a red hot face at the things you thought and did immediately after the break up.

Paddling654 · 09/07/2021 13:46

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. You're right to contact the GP. It seems like the problem isn't losing him but the way you're feeling now with your mental health. It might be that you need something to take the edge off that will allow you to try looking at this from a different perspective.

You're right now to contact him again. In time you will be loved by someone who doesn't treat you like this. For now it's a matter of survival and then healing. Grieving takes time and you're panicking, very understandably.

Somehow, you will get through enough days to leave the intensity of this behind. You'll get through even more time and realise some good things have happened. Then eventually you'll look around and see you're in a completely new place with new opportunities. But you do need to try and commit to letting that process happen.

Paddling654 · 09/07/2021 13:47

not

Hehx3 · 09/07/2021 14:32

Hi op, there is nothing wrong with your head, please dont say that, it is normal. Breakups go exactly like that. You fell in to pieces, cant stop thinking and then slowly you will notice you actually can, first for 5 min in a day, then 15 and so on. Take each hour at the time to go through it, do not contact him this only backfires at you. Breath, calm down and breath and again. You will get past it and then whole world is awaiting :-). All you need to do is focus on is breathing to pass this panic. (There is scientific neurological reason for all what you are going through, you are not going mad, your brain needs to adjust and it will).

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 14:45

How can I deal with not contacting him? I have deleted his number for now but know I can still contact him if I want to, how can I stop myself? Why does he not want me after 8 years? I can't process it all

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 15:03

I feel so needy, I feel like I constantly need to remind him how much I love him.

I am still hoping that 1 day he will realise how much he loves me and come back, I hope with all my strength that this is possible. Maybe he just needs a proper break?

OP posts:
Hehx3 · 09/07/2021 15:13

It might be he needs that, but if you keep contacting him he will not start to miss you. Focus on yourself now, to ride through those emotions like waves. Make a promise not to contact him this week and then more and then more. You can do it. Keep it up 🚣‍♀️

ILoveShula · 09/07/2021 15:21

Leave him alone and he might.

If you seem desperate he won't.

It will all work out in the end.