Please help me get over him, I am broken

[Summerdaysx]

Making a new thread as I need help.

Dp of 8 years left me & dd. (Have another thread - don't know how to link but it's called dp night out I don't want him to go).

I am completely broken. I can't accept that it's over, I am still hoping he will come back. Although he's telling me he won't.

I am in a permanent daze, crying when dd is out of sight. Constantly texting him telling him I miss him.

What can I do? Please help me. The pain is so bad

@bluemoon1992 everything you have wrote is exactly my situation right now. Although I know he won't be back this time, nothing of his is left in my house, and I mean nothing. When I see him to collect dd etc he doesn't even look at me. I am honestly praying this gets better soon. Thank you for commenting x

@JSL52 thank you so much. I know that I would constantly be walking on eggshells if he came back but right now I would take that over this feeling. But I know he's not coming back this time, I just now need to try and process it.

When you said he doesn't even look at you this is what my ex was like too . It was as if I wasn't there . I would try to talk to him and he wouldn't lift his head . My ex was with someone else . When I took him back we were sleeping and his phone woke me up early hours of the morning. I looked and it was from a. Girl he was with asking him to go there 😡. If he loved you he would of come back by now . Do not let him back now because like I said they only come back because they have had their fun . For now . Do not stay in the house . Get out , shower , doll up . Honestly youl feel a little better every day . You will meet somone who loves you . I did . Let him have his so called fun he will be the one with nothing in the end I promise. Xx

[quote Summerdaysx]@JSL52 thank you so much. I know that I would constantly be walking on eggshells if he came back but right now I would take that over this feeling. But I know he's not coming back this time, I just now need to try and process it. [/quote]
Honestly it is horrible but it WILL get better 💐

Just know you can do hard, you can do heartbroken, you can do panic and fear. As painful as it is our bodies are well equipped for it. Yes it's going to hurt, you need to try and switch your thoughts because what you focus on intensifies. You need to learn to wean yourself off him. Like an addict has to wean himself off a drug. You think you need him and can't carry on without him, but you need to think back to before you met him, you were ok then, before you had become attached to him.
The best thing you can do is take a long hard look at your daughters beautiful face and go on to make the best life you can for you and her. She needs a mum who values herself and knows her sense of worth, strong women raise strong girls. Yes, your feeling raw,and weak that's normal, it's temporary, Listen to calm relaxing music, motivational speakers and everything ever written and spoken 're self love. You can rebuild your life, one step at a time, don't let fear keep you stuck, and remember your going to have people come into your life you haven't even met yet, that won t walk away once the going gets tough. Good luck.

This must be so hard. Assume he's gone and start to build yourself back up. Do things. Arrange life for the future for yourself and DD. You don't actually need him, you just think you do. You can get used to it. Get past this, get strong, stop needing him. At some point he may crawl back. Hopefully by then you won't want him any more. Xxx

[quote Summerdaysx]@bluebell34567 he has promised me there is no1 else, he just wants "to do him". I honestly think he just wants to enjoy going out every weekend, not paying any bills and not having anyone to answer to.

Spoke to gp again on Friday who told me she wouldnt and couldn't prescribe me anything else, I just have to give the medication time to kick in. She said this can take around 6 weeks so definetley does not help me right now. I begged her for help and she said she couldn't do anything. I will try again tomorrow with a different gp.

I just can't believe he can just walk out after 8 years and not feel anything, it's all just playing over and over in my head. [/quote]
It's just as bad if there is no one else, walking away from his family and responsibilities so easily!

Do you not trust your GP?
Is it xanax or something that you want?

@user1481840227 no I don't trust my gp at this moment because I feel so low, I am at rock bottom, begging for some help and she is telling me to wait the 6 weeks until my tablets kick in. I am struggling to get through the days just now so that is no help

Did you ask to speak to a different GP? We have several GPs at our practice. Perhaps one of the others will be more sympathetic. I’m sure you could take something temporarily to numb you a bit before the anti depressants kick in. Also, you can feel worse on antidepressants before you feel better as you settle in with them

You were going to see a different GP today, did you manage to do that?

When you speak to a GP there are questions they ask about whether you are safe. If you answer that you are, they won't consider this a crisis as such. Please think carefully about whether you are safe and what thoughts you are having. You may need to insist on an urgent referral to the crisis team.

Thank you both. Asked to speak to a different gp today, it's the same one that is on so I will try again tomorrow morning as there are 3 on tomorrow. I am struggling today, have no motivation to do anything to keep myself busy so my thoughts are running away with me today. Surely this should be getting easier by now?

The antidepressants don't take 6 weeks but that is the longest they will take.
Most people notice a change in 2-3 weeks which ones are you on?

@lilmishap I am on sertraline and propranolol. Do not feel anything helping yet. The pain is so bad it's not lifting any. I don't get how he can just leave us after 8 years, knowing how heartbroken I am and he is still just living his life as normal where as I'm struggling to get through each day. He is constantly in my head and I don't know how to get him out of there to try and move forward. It's so hard x

@Summerdaysx if he is as you say then he definitely doesn't deserves your love and doesn't deserve those tears and pain. People project on others what values they have and it seems like your values turned out to be much higher than his. You just did not see it. Pain will go eventually, you will get through it. And meds will help with that (just need some time to kick in). You will understand it all one day and even if not completely you will be not bothered.

Sertraline is the best for obsessive thinking, those thoughts that go over and over in your head and stop you making any progress or being rational are curtailed by Sertraline. I miss him, I can't not have him, I will die without him, He is with someone else, all of those thoughts are obsessive and repetitive, they are not normal thinking and the Sertraline will put a stop to them.
It took 9 days until I noticed a difference

@Hehx3 there were a lot of bad points in the relationship, we didn't spend much time together as a couple etc he didn't do anything to help me or anything, it wasn't great but I did feel happy, I thought we were getting on alot better recently than we ever had, obviously I was wrong if he can just up and leave when he doesn't want to face the music. I am blaming myself for it all, if I hadn't put my foot down & told him to leave I wouldn't be feeling like this just now, but I had to make a stance that bills are more important than nights out etc x

@lilmishap I have been on it for around 2 weeks now and don't see any improvement yet. I am waiting on counselling also hoping that this will help me to get through this. X

Had phoned Samaritans the other day, was good to get it off my chest but when I hung up everything just came flooding back.

I am sorting my wardrobes etc today trying to keep myself busy and make myself accept the fact he isn't coming back.

He had dd Saturday and Sunday for a few hours. Today is his weekday, he has a stomach bug apparently, which worked out ok as I can't face having to see him again today. Luckily dd doesn't know she was supposed to be seeing him today.

Desperate to text him telling him I miss him but I haven't done that in 1 full day, I know it sounds pathetic but that's an achievement for me. Have contacted him since but only regarding dd.

You did right thing and in all fairness he is an adult and should be aware of such basic life priorities. I know you loved him and thats why you are hurting so rational arguments will not help you much at this stage but he really doesn't seem to be a worthy man. There is plenty far much better ones there and some great ones too.

@Hehx3 thank you. I just can't see it just now. I feel obsessed with him, that's not normal for me, I used to be so strong. I am clearing out and found a card he had sent me and stupidly sent him a picture of it, opened the message but didn't reply.

Desperate to text him telling him I miss him sad but I haven't done that in 1 full day

Well done. I am also a prolific texter and I get it.
This is the wrong way of looking at it but I guarantee if you carry on not texting him it will get easier BUT he will text you at some point and you have to try not to respond when he does.

A person will not miss you if you are always there, you have to not be there to be missed

@lilmishap I messed it up already, found a card he had sent me, sat reading it cdying, sent him a picture of it. He read it and didn't reply . Wanted to text again saying why do I mean nothing?? But I didn't.

@Summerdaysx, do not text him at all. Block his number. If he calls or texts you regarding DD, you will need to unblock him then.

If you text him, you will probably annoy him.

@KirstenBlest I have been doing so well with not texting, I just acted on impulse again when I found the card, I just needed him to know I was thinking of him. Willl do my best to not text him again.