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Original poster

Please help me get over him, I am broken

350 replies

Summerdaysx · 09/07/2021 10:48

Making a new thread as I need help.

Dp of 8 years left me & dd. (Have another thread - don't know how to link but it's called dp night out I don't want him to go).

I am completely broken. I can't accept that it's over, I am still hoping he will come back. Although he's telling me he won't.

I am in a permanent daze, crying when dd is out of sight. Constantly texting him telling him I miss him.

What can I do? Please help me. The pain is so bad

OP posts:
Hehx3 · 12/07/2021 16:07

It is not like you are nothing to him, at the moment he probably feels guilty and each of your text msg reminding him again what he did. So him not replaying its just immature way of protecting himself. Of course its rubbish as he should be a grown up and acknowledge your pain and help you but thats very common human reaction to guilt. Give him freedom he wants and then he might relax about properly communicating with you and you both will be in much better place to do that.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 16:11

@Hehx3 thank you. I want him to feel guilt, I want him to know how bad he has made me feel. But that doesn't seem to be working so I need to try the different approach with not texting, as hard as that is! I hope that one day he will realise how much he meant to me and how happy we were, and I do hope deep down that he realises when it's too late and I will be in a stronger place to tell him I'm not going back. Just hard to see this just now.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 12/07/2021 16:42

It is hard @Summerdaysx, but IME he won't be feeling guilt because he is probably a self-satisfied person who thinks it is 'all your fault'.

By texting and calling him, you are making him feel that you are not worthy of him, so you need to be strong.

He will not come back if you run after him.

If I had a magic wand and could make him come back, then I wouldn't use it because the magic would wear off and you'd be stuck with this manchild.

He needs to grow up. Then you decide if he comes back.

Hehx3 · 12/07/2021 16:43

He will reach that phase dont worry about it op, he will start to reflect back. But he can only reach phase if you give him the break he wants.
Of course you can feel angry, you have every right to feel so to use it to process the hurt you are feeling. But with each though about him try to give one thought to yourself, how can you help yourself how can you be kind to yourself and how can you improve yourself even if it so tiny as having nice hot shower today.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 16:51

@KirstenBlest thank you so much. Yea he is very selfish and will just be enjoying his single life. Is it normal that I'm obsessing over the thought of him being with someone else? Even the thought of him kissing someone else etc makes me feel sick to my stomach!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 16:53

@Hehx3 yes I will now give him space and try and move on with my own life. At the end of the day, it is his loss, I gave him so much love, actually at times I felt like his mother because I done everything and I mean everything for him. But onwards and upwards for now, try to get myself into the right mindset and focus on the life for me and my dd.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 12/07/2021 18:16

I felt like that about my XP too, @Summerdaysx.

Now the thought of him makes me feel sick to my stomach!!

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 18:25

@KirstenBlest how long did it take u to stop feeling how I feel just now? X

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 12/07/2021 18:38

It doesn't stop. What happens is that you realise that that warm, funny, loving man who adored you never really existed other than in your imagination.

Either that or one day he was abducted by aliens and replaced with an ugly, nasty arsehole.

I'd have that wonderful man back like a shot but that was just a mirage. The real man was a see you next tuesday.

PearlNextDoor · 12/07/2021 18:41

That"s so true. As time passes, you realise you had idealised him, overlooked so many faults, and eventually the thought of somebody else kissing just makes you smirk because they dont know him

Baileys123 · 12/07/2021 20:18

You seem a bit stronger today 💖

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 20:58

Felt a bit stronger earlier on. Now I can't stop thinking of him again, the pain is back with a vengeance and I have just been really sick. Please god I need this pain to go away. I can't face him being with someone else.

OP posts:
Hehx3 · 12/07/2021 21:32

Pain will go just bare through it. You are going to be okay.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 21:32

@Hehx3 I hope so Sad. Feel so low and alone tonight x

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 21:49

if i had a magic wand i would remove your pain right away.

how much mg sertraline are you taking?

bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 21:51

instead of texting him can you try to keep a diary of your feelings?

in the future you can read and see what you have been through.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 21:52

@bluebell34567 thank you Sad me too. Only 50mg to start off with x

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 21:53

@bluebell34567 yes I will try keeping a diary see if this can help me. I feel like he will be messaging other people already etc why do I mean so little to him after 8 years?

OP posts:
Yellowcrockpot · 12/07/2021 21:55

Op, I remember your first post! .
It was about him going to a strip club etc and talking about other women.
You are a thousand times better than this man, you weren't happy like you think, he was living a double life- you knew this really, hence your first thread.

Please try and pick yourself up and realise how awful this man is. You don't want him back, he doesn't feel any remorse. You will come to realise this. X x

bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 21:57

[quote Summerdaysx]@bluebell34567 yes I will try keeping a diary see if this can help me. I feel like he will be messaging other people already etc why do I mean so little to him after 8 years?[/quote]
because maybe he doesnt want any responsibility

bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 21:59

[quote Summerdaysx]@bluebell34567 thank you Sad me too. Only 50mg to start off with x[/quote]
tomorrow ask maybe to take 75mg for a while.

bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 22:00

@Yellowcrockpot

Op, I remember your first post! . It was about him going to a strip club etc and talking about other women. You are a thousand times better than this man, you weren't happy like you think, he was living a double life- you knew this really, hence your first thread.

Please try and pick yourself up and realise how awful this man is. You don't want him back, he doesn't feel any remorse. You will come to realise this. X x

he doesnt sound like a nice man.

op, you are lucky he is not calling you.

Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 22:11

@Yellowcrockpot thank you so much. I know deep down there were bad points, just right now I can't get my head around this and am now blaming myself Sad. I know I can do better, I know I deserve better. I have my faults too, maybe I was hard to live with, I don't think so though. Hopefully the pain will lift soon and I will see this through a different set of eyes x

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerdaysx · 12/07/2021 22:12

@bluebell34567 yes I think he doesn't want any responsibility, just wants to be free and single and keep all his money to himself. One day I'm hoping I will realise this all deep down x

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 12/07/2021 22:19

I will see this through a different set of eyes

that is so true.